Charity Marie Blogs!

30 Day Blogging Challenge - Resolutions

Oh man, I've already screwed the challenge up by missing the first one. How the heck did I manage that? Oh right, I was in a writing-related existential crisis. Nice way to start the new year - wondering who you are as a writer and if you're any good. So instead I spent the day in a pleasant Netflix-binging cloud of Queen of the South, my new guilty pleasure. That show is just fascinating. Talk about Goal, Motivation, Conflict. How they manage to make me root for and love these horrendous people is amazing! But anyway, resolutions.

I hate them. I abhor them. I avoid them. Have been religiously doing so for over a decade. What lead to this broken love affair? Years of failure. Because there's something sadistic about doing the same thing every year and expecting a different result. Isn't that something called insanity?

As a bright-eyed 18-year-old, I was determined that year was going to be the best ever. Despite being homeless and working two jobs just to survive. I was determined to make the best of it. And I failed miserably. Later that year saw me living out of my car, having broken up with my boyfriend who made the mistake of proposing to me (without a ring) on Valentine's day. Hell, I was struggling to finish high school, no way was I going to get married. I wasn't sure I ever wanted to.

Subsequent years saw me make resolutions (lose weight, stop cussing, save money, be positive) only to have them crushed by circumstances. For over a decade, every resolution I made, no matter how much I tried, fought, and determinedly struggled, saw those resolutions completely out of reach. It seemed the more I resolved to do it, the worse things got. Finally one year, I said screw it. I wouldn't make a resolution at all. And that year was the most peaceful year I'd had in a decade. Somehow, I realized, I was pushing against something that I couldn't win against. The more I pushed, the worse it became. So I resolved not to make resolutions ever again.

Now, I make a list of goals I wish to accomplish in the year. And I usually get 75%-100% of those accomplished. I always set goals that force me to stretch outside of my comfort zone (for 2019's incredible list visit "2019 Goals"  Some might argue it's the same thing but I would disagree. There's a subtle difference between a resolution and a goal.

Resolution: a firm decision to do or not do something (dictionary.com)
Goal: the object of a person's ambition or effort; an aim or desired result.

The mind is an incredible, powerful thing. What you put your mind to can and will happen. Where you focus is where your energies will go. I'm living proof of that. People have told me all my life, "You can't" but I say, "I can" and "I will", and so I do. I've done amazing things that in conjunction with my life circumstances seem impossible. So I don't resolve to do something - I make a goal, work toward it, and get it done. Screw resolutions, give me a goal to work toward.



Charity Marie
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