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Are you an introvert or an extrovert? How do you recharge your batteries?


I'm an introvert by nature. What I mean by that is, if left alone and to my own devices, I would not socialize with anyone other than my immediate family. I am and always have been, more than content with my own company and interests. I have periods of loneliness but for the most part, people annoy me more than comfort me. And that's before they even say anything.

I learned at a young age to be wary of others. They have a propensity and ability to cause suffering, both physical and mental. My husband is literally the only person I know who both gets that and respects it. He doesn't take it personally when I withdraw for long periods of time, alone in my own little world. I can be mercurial with my moods and he's learned to simply stand steady despite them. He is also one of the few people who doesn't grate on my nerves by breathing or being near me. I don't quite understand why that happens, something about the energy of others that I pick up on and react to. It creates irritability in me and almost breathless anxiety.

When forced by circumstances, I can fake being an extrovert very well. I've learned to emulate others and to project a persona that allows me to get along in business environments. As much as people annoy me, they fascinate me and I'm drawn to people's struggles. Part of it is I tap into my natural empathy and curiosity about people. It's served me well for decades, although afterward I'm completely drained and exhausted. I've learned to avoid group parties and group events - they're simply too much for me to handle and I'm usually miserable in them although you'd never quite know that. I'm often quiet and off by myself, unnoticed by the majority. All they do is reinforce my knowledge that I'm different and don't fit in with the majority or the minority. I'm the epitome of alone in a crowded room.

My friends are few and far between. Most could only be called acquaintances at best, even online. On the rare occasion I've let someone in I've always grown to regret it intensely later. My inner landscape is available in glimpses only of what I desire to be seen by others. Rarely does anyone have the full picture of who I am, I'm too complex for almost all. My husband is the rare exception - he sees both the good and the bad as well as the anguish of daily life. My high intelligence and direct manner of communicating intimidate almost everyone who spends time with me.

I recharge by isolation, which lowers the anxiety and allows me to regain my inner strength for the next instance of forced socialization. The one area of exception for this is online. I feel the freedom to be myself, without reserve, or any of the anxiety inherent in social face-to-face interactions. People can be fickle and judgmental, neither of which are things I appreciate. I don't tolerate fools but often find myself surrounded by them. That's not intended to be universal or elitist, simply fact. I recently worked for a company of 75 and thanks to a positive culture, was known for my ethics and dedication to detail that put me heads and shoulders above my peers. Sadly, family circumstances prevented me from proceeding further in that career.



Charity Marie
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