A Piece Of My Heart

Me? A Grandmaster?

Welp, this was a toughy.

The final task in my Wodehouse challenge this month is to write about what I consider myself to be a Grandmaster of. This was hard for me, not only because I despise talking about myself or doing anything that could be construed as "bragging," but also because I am really of the mindset that no one can be a true Grandmaster of anything. There is always room for improvement, whether by yourself or by someone in the future. I mean, look at the Olympics for just one example. World records are broken again and again and again. The World Record holder is the best in that sport for that moment, until someone else breaks their record or they break it themselves. For me, I find significant value in continual improvement, and could never see myself as "the best" at something because there is always more to discover. And even when you feel like the end of discovery is near, teaching others is the next step. In short, the journey of discovery is never-ending, and I find that an extremely liberating and humble way to live.

But, of course, as this is a challenge, I am forced to write about something I have mastered to the level where others may consider me a "grandmaster." And, because this is something other's have said about me on a fair few occasions, I figured it fit the bill: My Grandmastery of Listening.

I am a private person. I like to keep my personal life contained so it doesn't distract or burden anyone else. This means I don't often (if ever) talk about my personal issues. It also makes me fully committed to listening to other people's personal troubles/traumas because I'll rarely be inclined to share my own experiences in a way that might compete with their story or dominate/shift the conversation. I'm naturally curious about their emotions/needs and willing to be an ear for them to vent to. I am honest about my perspective of their situation if they need advice, or sensitive if they just need space to air their thoughts. I'm good at being quiet. I am comfortable with silence. I like when conversations lull because you can feel the thoughts settling. Not only do I listen, but I hear (and yes, there is a difference). I am good at processing an abundance of information as it flows into my ears in bits and pieces and distilling it down to what truly matters. And at an even more basic level, I like helping people. If I can take some of your burden by simply listening when no one else will, or offering advice when others told you to cover your emotions and deal with them in isolation, I can be that person.

I like when the focus is on other people, but of course there are times where my own bottled emotions become too much and I need to get them out some way. In those cases, one of two things happens - I either cry on my bf's shoulder until I (or he) falls asleep, or I write about it. I tend to keep those thoughts close to my heart and putting them on paper is therapeutic enough for me. I wouldn't be able to share those things verbally, mostly because I know I wouldn't be articulate enough or thorough enough to express the emotion to the depth I was truly feeling it. For me, writing it out is so much more cathartic than telling someone, which would add even more stress for me. That said, I am comfortable with being on the listening side of those conversations. And, a bit selfishly, hearing other people's problems makes me feel a little more fortunate that I only have the problems I have.

I'm very non-confrontational, which I believe makes me easy to approach and talk to. It is interesting to think about this in the context of my work as well. I am basically a non-formal educator and event coordinator, which you might think would require a gregarious and outgoing personality, but I am exactly the opposite of that. I prefer to work behind the scenes setting up for events and recruiting others who are more extroverted to be the face in front of the crowd. With my position, I am good at listening to what my "clients" (for lack of a better word) are looking to gain out of an event and making that happen. I am also good at listening to people who approach a booth I am staffing to understand where they are coming from, and what they value so I can meet them with an appropriate message and level of knowledge for their understanding.

So, I guess that's enough blabbering on about that. If you see this as an open invitation to spill your guts to a random stranger on the internet, please feel free. Maybe not in the comments though ...