Everyday Canvas

The Art of the Retort

Prompt: A retort is a sharp or wittily biting reply to an aggressive remark.

Is there such a thing as the art of retort, and are you good at it? Are there any instances of it that you can recall either in your life or those that you have witnessed?

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Yes, there is such a thing as the art of retort and I am very bad at it because I usually freeze when bitten.

The only time I was good at it was during my preteen years against my mother. I used to think and presuppose what she could say to me and I would have an answer ready, so much so that my cousin who is my age was in awe of me. But that was it. At one time during my later teen years, I decided to befriend my mother and the age of my retorting became prehistoric.

Recently I read a book that contained a few retort lessons, and its main advice was what I was doing as a preteen. Getting the answers ready ahead of time. In other words, taking time and practicing by myself through my internal dialogue, imagining unpleasant, insulting things said to me and thinking of some good, relevant, and creative retort.

If I recall correctly, the book said, not exactly but pretty close, because I took notes:

“Distance yourself from own flaws and chill out And don’t take anything personally because calmness and peace of mind is where the best retorts originate.

Look serious and don’t laugh. Your being serious increases the effect and people around take you more seriously.

Also, throwing your retort suddenly, with a bit of acting of seriousness makes it more effective. Make it surprising, something unexpected.

Relate it to the popular and current topics, scandals and trends.

Look at the situation from a totally new perspective.

If you don’t want to retort at the subject thrown at you, change the subject but make it surprising and entirely different, possibly by taking one word out of their remark and pulling it to an opposite direction.

Amuse and entertain yourself while you are coming up with your clever retorts. This will lower the tension.

When all else fails, ask, “Why would you say that?” or “Why would you do (want to do) that?” These questions might get the people off track.”

Then, since I’ve grown into my present mindset, I can always walk away from insults and altercations, with or without retorting.