Writing Life

When Fear and Being Broke Take Over

Today was an awesome, and scary, learning experience. I went to one of the local libraries and asked if they did anything special for local authours. They didn't know what I meant. I told them about Bossard in Gallipolis who has authour books sales. They thought that was an awesome idea. She suggested I talk to a guy who was busy at the counter with someone else, and suggested I leave my business card.

I panicked. I don't have a business card. I don't have any extra money right now to order them. I began to shrink. She then told me that they love it when authours come in and donate an autographed copy. I was rescued. I quickly bent down and pulled out my book. She handed me a pen. I autographed it and she was excited that it was going in the system.

Some libraries work out book signings for authours. Perhaps this one might have if I would have followed through with the other guy, but again the thought scared the crap out of me. One, I'm broke at the moment and can't afford to order books. If the job I applied for doesn't come through - it'll be quite a while before I can order more than 5 at a time.

Another thought that shot through my mind was sitting at the table with my little pile of books and no one wanting one. Just me. Sitting there bored out of my mind and feeling like a fool. I thought of an authour I saw at a bookstore in Columbia, SC. He was bored. And he looked like no one had bought a single book all day. He kept checking his watch.

I thought of other authours who sat all alone at their table with no one stopping by. Then, I remembered my college days. The only way you were allowed to graduate was to give a public speech. I knew when they said that that I would be sunk. I knew my room would be empty and I'd be standing there like an idiot. When the day arrived - it was exactly that. The professor had to go out in the hall and beg people to come in. It was pathetic. I gave a good talk and everyone really enjoyed it, but the whole experience made me want to crawl under a rock and die.

So, today I had to face my demons again, and they pretty much won. But! I stepped up to the plate, and despite being shy, I mustered up all my confidence, believing fully in my book, and now it's in the library! My book is there with the greats, and not so greats! Generations of authours whose books line the shelves, and I'm in with them! :)

As for the money issue, and my fear of looking like an idiot - the money issue will soon be solved, and with more experience of putting myself out there, I'll get over the not wanting to look like an idiot. :)

For now, I'm celebrating! :)