Selah // Something Witty

Keeping versed and on my feet (if you steal my sunshine).

Date: 03.26.19 -- Day 116
Music: "Steal My Sunshine" / Len

As many things in life, nothing is going as planned. A few months back I made a post about how I don't make lists of goals because that often leads that nothing happening. A strange kind of curse that still has its grip on me to this day. So I didn't have plans for 2019. I had some wishes, some hopes. I particularly want this year to be the year I tackle the things I have trouble writing or feel I lack in. So signed up for writing challenges and some writing courses to get the word mojo flowing...and promptly got sick.

Being chronically ill and disabled are struggles in the best of times. In the worst of times, it's a bitch, plain and simple. Vitals are taken twice a day. Meds and supplements are crowding out my desk. My body has a spinning wheel of symptoms that it picks at random to plague me. Some many things just fall through the cracks, and I laugh often because if I don't, I'd cry or scream or both. And 2019 is not exception. If anything, new things are popping up with maybe some answers too.

My heart has been on the jitter-fritz for about a year. After some testing, an echocardiogram, and wearing a heart monitor for a few weeks in December, my cardiologist and I figured out that my heart will randomly start racing for no particular reason as there are no structural abnormalities. (My personal best was 168 beats per minute.) Beta blockers are out of the question because of my extreme allergies. So I'm just in this strange holding pattern of spontaneous tachycardia, which will also be the name of my punk rock band should I ever start one.

When in doubt, more blood is drawn and a wild array of ideas are thrown at the wall to see what will stick. My last blood draw was nearly a dozen vials. I have to go back in to see the doctor because some things are off, but the one that makes me feel like I've truly finished adapting to the Pacific Northwest was the fact that my Vitamin D is low. Super low. Almost a single digit. It should be above 30. I now have to take 50,000 IUs a week for the next couple of months to see if I can bring those numbers back up.

Somewhere along the way I lost my sunshine. Hopefully, this new medication will ease up some things and I can get back to writing with less of the weight of my body chaos. With this pill form of sun, maybe I can get back some hope.