I Blog Poetry and Prose

Contemplating the Last Nine Months (Rant)

Kamál (Perfection}, 5 Kamál (Perfection) 176 B.E. - Monday, August 5, 2019

I have live in this apartment for nine months. In those months, my finances haven't gotten any better, and--I suspect--they have gotten worse. From December 2018 to March 2019 we dealt with mice, which we finally got rid of by filling up the holes they used to get under the house. Next we dealt with bedbugs, which (I hope) we have gotten rid of. We still have roaches and I haven't seen an exterminator in two months

In those months, my checking account was not overdrawn for one or two months. It was overdrawn in July. I suspect it will be overdrawn this month, and there isn't a damn thing I can do about it. I keep attempting to increase what little income I have, but it isn't working. I have a person loan I don't have the money to pay off or even on. I still have a student loan I have to deal with. I'm stressed. I want to move, but I can't afford to move. Beside my credit rating would be a problem if I did move.

I do my bests, but it doesn't seem like its good enough. I'm tempted to call my sister to see if I can move in with her, but that isn't the answer. She lives in Searchlight, and there are no doctors there. All my doctors are in Las Vegas. The paratransit that I take to my doctor appointments don't run between Searchlight and Las Vegas, so transportation would be at least twice as much as I pay now. At least in Las Vegas I'm not isolated.

I'm at my wits end. I'm stuck here for, at least, another four months. Probably another year because I can't afford to look for another place. Even if I could afford to look, I probably wouldn't qualify. I want to cry, but it wouldn't do any good. I have to call the student loan people tomorrow and see if I can get another year without paying. I will as if there is a way of getting the loan forgiven, but I suspect that is out of the question. I also have to deal with someone from Dollar Loan about the loan I stupidly took out (I had a feeling it was the wrong thing to do at the time).

I'm at my wits end. I don't have enough to pay any of the bills that are due this month. I don't know what I'm going to do. At least the rent is paid and I don't have to worry about the power bill this month. I'm going to close this. I just don't see any way clear this month.