Perpetual Ruminations

Keyboard Thinking/Thought Processing

Here it is Monday and finally a bit of time to spend on myself. The weekend was tiring and difficult with the girls home from school.  That's one of the sides that comes with fostering children with behavior issues, and I must admit, all in all they have grown and are doing much better... most of the time. I have also learned and adapted to our new lifestyle since bringing first one and then the second child into our home. As a result, weekends are not usually so tiring and difficult.

This past one, however, was very challenging. For one thing, the week started out badly with me having to rush my wife to the emergency room. Everything turned out all right, but it was quite a scare and a very difficult couple of days for me as things slowly flowed back towards normal in our household. Even now, there are lingering side effects, but with each new day, things get closer to where they were. Even so, it was a tiring week.

The children also need to help keep my wife's stress levels down, but with their histories and behavior problems, it's difficult for them. That meant I had to be right there to jump in and keep things running as smoothly as possible, which also caused a lot of stress at times. Also, my wife would normally be there to share any burdens and assist in the days chores and activities. She also is there to provide me time to escape into WDC or my writing, which is a big part of how I refresh and recharge. This week, I had to jump in and do a lot more as well as set aside most of the time I would normally spend in here or writing, or doing other things to relax and unwind.

Then, the weekend came. I had anticipated more help around the house, since both children were home and could assist with some of the chores as well as provide me some time to just get lost in here, or in reading or writing. As I have learned with these children, never expect the expected. They were horrible all weekend and even this morning. Not horrible in a mischievous way or getting into trouble, no they just would not give me any breaks.

They started in some Friday after school, but I just related it to the weekend and them being excited and ready for a two day break from school. Saturday, however, I soon realized it was something else, and no matter how I tried to address it, I could not make any progress. My wife was able to return to work Saturday, so I was on my own with the children, who both were up way earlier than normal. I should add here that mornings are my quiet time while they are still asleep, a time to enjoy a cup of coffee, wake up, and prepare for the day. But, they were up as soon as I was, and as soon as they were up, it started.

My wife doesn't usually start work until 10:00 o'clock; the two children are usually not up before she leaves, or at most, one or the other may get up as she's leaving. Saturday they were up at 7:00 o'clock, when I got up. I could not carry a conversation with my wife for anything, I was doing well to finish a sentence before one or both interrupted. Again, I thought I understood. They had been concerned about her, but had not had a lot of time to spend with her because of school. So, they were just up early and eager to spend a bit of time with her, especially since she was now returning to work, and our life was getter closer to our normal routine.

But, even after she left, I could not do anything without one or both interrupting me. I even tried letting them have their tv time earlier than normal, knowing that when it comes to watching tv, they are all engrossed. Not true, even as they watched their shows, they would come over and interrupt what ever I was doing, or just start talking to me instead of listening to their shows. Even Saturday evening, after my wife was home and I had managed to cook dinner for us with many interruptions and distractions, things were far from normal. We watched a family movie, most of which I didn't get to listen to because one or both was talking to me and distracting me.

Sunday was the same, both of them up within minutes of me. My wife had to work again, but wanted to sleep in a bit. I devoted my time to the children and did my best to provide her a quiet atmosphere to sleep in. After she got up, got ready, and headed for work, I let one girl cook some pancakes, which she can do perfectly fine (except like most kids her age, clean the mess up after), But not the case this time, as I tried to read the newspaper online, she continually had questions about anything she could think of. The little bits and pieces of time she was occupied, her sister filled in with anything and everything that popped into her mind.

This continued through the day and al the way up to their bedtime. If I didn't do anything, they were fine, but as soon as my attention turned to anything, they needed it turned back to them. I tried a few times throughout the day to explain to them that I needed to have a bit of time for myself. They would apologize and find something t do and I would start something and there they were, working in shifts to make sure my attention was strictly prohibited from anything but them.

This morning, a school morning, I got up at 7:00 to enjoy a cup of coffee and a few minutes of quiet before waking children for school. But, as I exited the bedroom, I realized one was already up and waiting to pounce. Normally, she would sleep in, then when called, ask for a few more minutes and need to be called a second time. Her sister would b left to sleep until a quarter past, then called and with luck, get up the first time. both of them would hardly be seen until 7:30, then, ready for school, spend ten to fifteen minutes talking with us before going out to catch the bus. Today, however, one's up ten minutes before me, and the other before I could pour a cup of coffee. As like the weekend, they demanded my full attention up and until I dropped them off at school. (They both had therapy appointments this morning, so I took them and after, dropped them off school)

I'm happy that I managed through without getting overly worked up, but it was very stressful not being able to any break. Even with therapy and talking about everything, no one understood quite what was happening all weekend. Most was attributed to the change in our daily schedules and the stress that resulted from my wife going to the hospital on Monday, but that was it. I didn't even understand until I started writing about it. Then, as I let out the pressure from the weekend in type, an epiphany!

All week long, the children had to restrain from stressing out their foster mom. Meanwhile, I had to jump in and pick up most of the things she does while she recovered. Of course the girls missed her normal presence, which we all understood. But, what was missed was the fact that I was double busy myself and had far less time to spend with them, which they both understood, but by the weekend, their minds needed more attention and they could not refrain from getting it. Consciously, they knew I desired some time for myself and would try to provide it, but deep inside, in that part of the brain that their behavior issues stem from, they could not refrain from needing my full attention.

Knowing this doesn't make the weekend any less tiring and stressful, but I am thankful that I managed it coolly, with love, and with compassion when in truth I wanted to just scream out, "Can't you just leave me alone for a half an hour!"

Now, I get a bit of a respite from things, even though the calendar is a bit filled for the week. I will try my best to relax and get some me time in before Thursday. Yes, Thursday, wouldn't you know it, just when I could use a full, quiet, and relaxing week, the children get Thursday and Friday off...