a thesis for grad school. |
Qualitative descriptive content analysis of the interview data, as well as data from the researcherâs visual journal, yielded four overarching categories of experience. These descriptive categories included (a) accepting uncertainty, (b) increased flexibility, (c) increased self-awareness, and (d) increased identity congruence. Accepting Uncertainty Descriptions related to the activating event or disorienting dilemma for the career transition were sometimes abrupt, such as a lay-off, a life-threatening event, or a long recovery from a physical injury. Some participants made the career transition after several years of dissatisfaction with their previous career. One participant stated, âI wasnât happy with what I was doing, who I was working with, the people I was associating with. It was just not feeding my soul. I didnât feel connected to a bigger purposeâŚI was asked, âWhat are you waiting for?ââ One of the participants transitioned after retirement from a previously satisfying job that had run its course and was less fulfilling at the end. Identity transformation was described by participants and the researcher often as an âemergence,â a being âmore fully myself,â and being âwho I was supposed to be.â One transition was prompted by job loss from a down-sizing, which âdevastated (me)âŚI felt I had no identity.â Systems that did not fit onesâ values led to transitions for two of the participants. One participant described feeling like âan abuse situation, working for a system that my ideals, my morality, my ethics do not line up with.â This participantâs experience echoed the experience of the researcher. Another participant shared similar thoughts as she described ânot want(ing) to be part of an organization that did that sort of thingâ (laid off 114 personnel at a hospital with no notice). Though she was not laid off, the experience affected her deeply. She continued, âIt took (a) most dramatic situation to shake the rust off of me.â Increased Flexibility One participant explained that âchange is painful,â as she reflected on what she learned during transition. âThe sooner you can open yourself to the change, the uncomfortable feelings, you can start flushing through them.â She continued, âIâm in anticipation as I know something better will come even in the pain. I always know now I will invite it in, and then flush it out.â Another participant stated, âIâm realizing things happen when they happen. Iâm ready now.â A third participant asserted the transition came out of âa lot of soul searchingâŚcoalescing into who really I was supposed to become. I was in kind of an incubator phase, and I was able to come out of that.â Discovering new flexibility in art making. Another participant declared that âart making is the best thing in the transition period, it brings awareness of constructs. Itâs freeing.â Another used art such as collage âwhen conflicted or confused, collage shows what I need.â One participant explained that art journaling was âa very insightful and enlightening process.â Another participant described the change her relationship to art had made during the transition. She stated, âI am more relaxed and really enjoying doing my art. My art felt and looked dull before. It was more like work beforeâŚnow I donât feel that wayâŚitâs part of being with this community of sharing and putting more feeling into my art.â She continued to describe the change in her relationship to art making: âGoing into this field has allowed me to respond quickly: do smaller work, do art,â as opposed to the formal planned out art she had made prior to her career transition. In her visual journaling process, the researcher described instinctually finger-painting in response to the question âWhat led to career transition?â She reflected on this free art choice as a desire âto be in touch with the media as I longed to be in touch with patients when I felt frustrated distancing (sic) in the healthcare systemâ (Figure 2). Figure 2. Instinctual art making. Outcomes of art making. A participant described reconnection with a lost part of self through art: âI think as children we are more in touch with who we are as people. Iâve realized I lost that part in my childhood. I lost my ability to get in touch with me. Iâm kind of rediscovering her. And she knows answers. She knows!â For another participant, art making was a âgrounding experience, because it would take me out of the tumultuous turmoil, the toxicity of the workplace. It (art) became a safe place for me to goâŚI always feel really relaxed after going through the art making process.â One participant stated that art-making âgives me a connection with clients, community and my Creatorâit is my soul work.â The researcher reflected that a collage response to the question of what aspects of identity formation or re-creation remain difficult in the experience of the career transition, spoke to her of calm versus anxiety, of âaccepting, trusting the process as I grow in competence in this new fieldâ (Figure 3). Figure 3. Trusting the process, acceptance. Increased Self-Awareness One participant stated she was âexcited taking this step and really embrac(ing) that part of me that I havenât really ever embraced, even though itâs always been there.â Two participants expressed gratitude for the crises that propelled them into transition. One proclaimed âI feel grateful for that job loss!â She described the self-esteem she experienced, âI am now the one who provides comfort and information.â Reflecting on imperfections, after repairing a stained-glass box as response art, the researcher noted âI recognize, now, that my human frailties and imperfections are Godâs gifts to me to meet clients where they are. To see, feel, hear their humanness and need and accept them as they areâ (Figure 4). Another participant proclaimed the transition experience has âgiven me a grounding, a sense of self, and a sense of confidence.â A participant described the positive feelings after completing the transition, âI like having more credibilityâŚI get a little more respect than I didâŚit helps you get stuff done.â In conclusion, the participant exclaimed, âit (the new career) sounded challenging! I like challenges!â MIDLIFE CAREER TRANSITION AND IDENTITY 35 Figure 4. Accept imperfections, kintsugi, repaired stained-glass box. As well as expressions of strengths, participants and the researcher also identified weaknesses during their career transition. This included negative emotions such as feelings of worthlessness, depression, frustration, incompetence. Vulnerability was expressed in descriptions of difficulty trusting others and of being a novice after years of experience in their previous career. One participant expressed feelings of worthlessness, which swung into depression at the start of the transition. Another participant held continued negative feelings toward the organization she left. Yet another participant described âfeelings of despairâŚentrenched in a vocation which often feels ingenuine.â Immediately after her job loss, one participant described loss of feelings of self-worth. For another participant who transitioned several years ago, she wrote that she felt âlike an imposterâ in the new role. She didnât see herself as competent, though âI know I amâ she concluded. Another expressed a feeling of having âone eye open, one eye closedâ as she began the transition. Her transition at the time of the interview was âin its infancy.â Yet another participant described the stages of transition as âkind of frustratingâŚbut pressure makes diamonds, it turns coal into diamonds.â For one participant, âTrust and being vulnerable is difficultâ and, âitâs still a new environment.â She was gaining confidence, though, as she was no longer afraid or ashamed to ask questions. Another participant expressed initial fears as the new career âseems bigger than me.â She compared her experience in her previous career to the new field: âI was a senior person, now I feel like I am the baby again. Now I donât know the answers. Will I be good enough?â Another participant stated she thought she had security and stability in the previous career, but âit was an illusion.â Deconstruction and reconstruction, in art making, led to enhanced expression of creativity and acceptance of vulnerability for the researcher. She made an image with alcohol inks, cut it into abstract pieces and butterfly shapes, and reconstructed a new image. She viewed the re-making of an original image into a new image as symbolic of her being open to the vulnerability of âbeing re-shapedâ (Figure 5). Figure 5. Deconstruction, reconstruction. Increased Identity Congruence Repeatedly participants described a belief that they were more fully the person they were meant to be. Their words express this: âI believe I am doing the work that my soul wants me to do, because of the steady deep serenity I experience every day,â âIâm using my whole authentic self now, not just a part,â âIâm coming into my own sense of self,â ââŚsolidified my identity as a helper,â and âIâm a little bit of all of my past, my new career takes little parts of what Iâve done for years and years.â Other participants stated that (their) âidentity is coming together--coalescing into who really I was supposed to become. Iâm more caring and compassionate, Iâm feeling better about myself, feeling better about the world I am in,â âI was in kind of an incubator phase, and I was able to come out of that,â âmy identity is in an emergence, itâs coming up,â and âI know that Iâm doing what my soul wants me to do, and my heartâs just so full of gratitude. Iâm no longer recreating myself, now I am discovering my genuine self.â Art making, and art therapy were described as a very personal or private activity during transition by a few of the participants. One participant also used collage to answer questions. In response to the questions related to how the researcher used art therapy during/after the transition period, and about the researcherâs relationship to art, the researcher described the collage making and free art making experiences as times when âthe images answered my questions and led to new questions.â An encapsulated landscape became a dividing line as the researcher compared her previous career concerns with present career concerns (Figure 6). Desired authenticity. One participant described her previous career: âit was not a good fitâŚdoesnât match me.â Another said she felt âtrapped,â and several participants expressed dissatisfaction or boredom with their previous career. In collage, the researcher reflected the Figure 6. Images led to new questions. desire to be true to self in her career goals. The core of self, the soul, was a dominant feature for several participantsâ transitions. Variously the previous career was ânot using the creativity I felt at my soul,â âweighed on my soul,â or was ânot feeding my soulâ and âsucked my soul away.â And loss of a job was âsoul-shatteringâŚoverwhelming waves of torrential grief attacked my soul.â After the decision to pursue career transition, several participants described a sense of increased authenticity. âIt was a pivotal moment when I âwoke upâ, I feel like this spiritual thread that is meaning, drive and purposeâŚwill carry through the pains of this transition,â explained one participant. In reflection on a mixed media image with layers of paint, pastel, sheer paper, and collage cutouts, the researcher described the new identity as âemerging with my innate human creativity (coming out) into a new freer form of selfâ (Figure 7). Figure 7. Emerging identity. The researcher summed up the effect the career transition has had on her identity in her reflection on a free art making image, which incorporated tracings of her hand that overlapped and âchangedâ color where they overlapped. The image thus represented the interconnectedness she experienced working with clients (Figure 8). âI am made for connection with others and Iâve changed in response to interactions with clients during and through art making.â Figure 8. Change. |