We're all mad here.

Identity Crisis - Who Are You?

Create a blog entry (or static item) that deals with moment(s) you’ve questioned yourself over any decision. (<1000 words)

I try to live my life so that I don't regret my decisions. But when I think about this question, what immediately comes to mind is a sin of omission from a very long time ago.

Once upon a time, when I was younger and traveling on a plane, in the seat behind me was a mother and two children. I could hear that they were having trouble and that she was fed up, and I wanted to figure out some way to help. I had some crayons and paper that they could borrow, I could hold someone if she needed me to. I could have done a lot of things.

The problem was, I am an incredibly shy person. So, here I am in the seat in front of her. And periodically I build up my courage to do something, to say something and twist around in my seat to do something or say something, and then I freeze before I actually get all the way around and never actually open my mouth.

You can imagine what this looks like to the poor mother. Here she is, wrestling with kids (who are a bit loud but not obnoxiously so, and definitely putting pressure on my seat but not really kicking), and this lady in the seat ahead keeps on half way glancing around as though trying to give her the stink eye or something. I swear I wasn't. I swear I wasn't even thinking of it, and I hadn't gotten the courage to open my mouth, when I twist around and she snaps something like: “They're just children. They can't help it.”

And I suddenly saw myself like she must have been doing and got even more incredibly tongue tied and shy and got out my book and didn't turn around for the rest of the flight.

So, if I could, I would have said something sooner, smiled at her, offered to help. Shared a snack. Something. Distracted that kid. Held the baby. Whatever she would let me do. Because only half doing made things that much more difficult for her.

And I hope that she never feels guilty for snapping at me. I was the one who should have done more. She deserves whatever feeling of superiority over my clumsiness that she obtained when I apparently retired into my seat in high retreat after she went Mama Bear. I hope, at least, she got some energy for the rest of the trip with that victory.

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