My Inheritance...

My Mother--an enigma...

I told you in my first entry that Mommy told me I could have the two books I wanted if I could find them. I described them to her, wondering how she could have forgotten the books we read so often.

One was light grey and one was brown with some red on its spine.

Mommy remembered the grey book and I found it quickly that day and took it home with me—treasuring it for the role it played in my relationship with her.

She acted as though she could not recall the other book. Since Mommy did not have any memory problems, I really thought that strange. Nevertheless, she said she would look for it.

A few days later, she gave me a copy of Bartlett's Quotations. It had the same cover colors as the book I was looking for but it was NOT the right book.

Well, it was a while before I found the book I was looking for. My mother was moving from an upstairs apartment to a downstairs one. My kids and I were helping her move.

When the apartment was empty, I got down on my hands and knees to make sure we got everything out of the kitchen cabinets. We had not.

Way back in the farthest corner was the book I had been looking for!

What did I do?

I took it. Well, she had said, "If you find it, you can have it." I found it so, now, I have it.

As I mentioned in "Mommy's Poetry Books..." , I read from it and from The Best Loved Poems of the American People when I spoke at her memorial service.

Here is one from Best Loved Poems...:

Myself
By Edgar A Guest

I HAVE to live with myself and so
I want to be fit for myself to know.
I want to be able as days go by,
Always to look myself straight in the eye;
I don’t want to stand with the setting sun
And hate myself for the things I have done.

I don’t want to keep on a closet shelf
A lot of secrets about myself
And fool myself as I come and go
Into thinking nobody else will know
The kind of woman I really am,
I don’t want to dress up myself in sham.

I want to go out with my head erect
I want to deserve all men’s respect;
But here in the struggle for fame and pelf
I want to be able to like myself.
I don’t want to look at myself and know
That I am bluster and bluff and empty show.

I never can hide myself from me;
I see what others may never see;
I know what others may never know,
I never can fool myself and so,
Whatever happens I want to be
Self respecting and conscience free.

This was one of Mommy's favorite poems and I read it at her L.A.F..

Love, Acceptance and Forgiveness—I chose to call her memorial service a L.A.F. in honor of the love, acceptance and forgiveness we extended to her.

She definitely was an enigma. She had lots of faults and foibles but when she read "Myself", she meant the words.

She encouraged me with the words of this poem as well—to be the kind of person I would truly want to be.

~ ~ ~ JESUS is LORD! ~ ~ ~