On The Write Path

Connectedness

MHWA Prompt: You just stumbled into a university class - and you're the professor! What's the name of your course and what will you be teaching your students?

Conectedness. Let's first look at two definitions. "The state of being joined or linked." As in "the connectedness of American business life and American sports". And "a feeling of belonging to or having affinity with a particular person or group" expressed in this sentence "it's about partnering, trust, and connectedness."

One thing I learned by traveling was how connected we all are. But these two definitions are not quite the same and perhaps not exactly what I nor you need to learn.

There is a connectedness to everything and everybody that transcends the narrow this-is-connected-to-that example of the first definition and seems to be opposed to the second's echo of exclusivity.

Both sound good, but are they?

People want to believe that life is either black/white, always-good or always-bad. My experience, and hopefully yours, teaches me that it isn't that simple.

Focusing on the quid-pro-quo of sports and business leaves out their other connections. Sports provides a group identity to people who may not otherwise have one. It allows people to cross barriers that the taboo of race, religion, ethnicity seeks to instill. Yet, it strengthens new barriers of body-form, age and gender. And frankly, those who watch it from the outside, those we call 'fans' are no more than a self-defined amorphous gang.

Business uses the fame of sports figures to promote their own fortunes. Whether it's 'use' or 'abuse' is for others to decide. Regardless it's a quid-pro-quo at many levels. The local sports hero can expect adulation and deference for the rest of his life. And yes, woman have come lately to that exclusive club, and have not been equally awarded. The cycle of sports hero to successful CEO supporting new athletes and using their fame to to become even more successful as these used-up heroes become the new CEOs of the next generation is an All Man's Club ... no women allowed.

The connectedness is limited to those blessed enough to be welcomed into the club.

The second definition reinforces this. Partnering and trust are key words. Do you partner with just anyone or everyone? Do you trust everyone who crosses your path? Unless you are polyamorous, the first is like an exclusive marriage. You-and-me and no one else. The second demands that you unlearn prejudices, fears, ignorance ... or just decide to reinforce them.

Nuclear families, church groups, bridge clubs, neighborhood gangs all depend on connectedness, but at the price of excluding others.

When you travel it helps to be aware of a third type of connectedness that offers the hope that you can connect with anyone anywhere.

But, it's a hope that can be dashed into pieces and you risk becoming cynical and small minded once more.

What are the key components then of a fruitful travel experience that connects you to the world?

Oneness, respect and flexibility.

Believe that "We Are One". It helps if this is reinforced by your family, community or religious group. If not, you will need to contemplate the wisdom of this many times during your journey and will hopefully grow beyond the small box you were raised in. If you wish to never be challenged, to always consider yourself outside-of or separate-from the circle of humanity, traveling may be painful for you. The good news? As you travel, you will be amazed by daily examples of kindness, caring, sharing and even joy that helps you heal from the lies we all were taught. And this will convince of the truth, "We are One". Even those hurtful moments will be mere echoes of what you have already experienced back home.

An attitude of respect invites you to learn that there are other points-of-views, instructs you that we are all trapped by time and circumstance in a body that has its own limitations. Humility means accepting that your language-faith-ethnicity does NOT make you superior. Respect, not because someone has 'earned' it. This not a lesson of quid-pro-quo. No one needs to cater to you. Except they will. The housekeeper who changes your sheets, the old man who invites you to sit and share tea, the customer service person who irons out a glitch in your flight. They all deserve your respect. As does the person who stands too close or too far away, the person wearing clothes you don't approve of, those too loud or unwilling to speak. We all come from a place of cultural norms and personal preference. All of us. Kindness helps if you are not sure how to show proper respect. Many are willing to forgive you.

So expect to be flexible. Flexibility allows you to navigate the unknown. Unknown food, customs, laws. It makes you define your core, allowing you to let go of what you or others have assigned to you. It's akin to walking around naked. It helps to get over the fear that you will somehow lose yourself. You will only lose what's least important and reveal who you truly are.

If you are a vegan vigilante or will not touch anything that's not kosher, if you insist on observing ancient rituals regardless of the surrounding reality, or demean other people's rituals as pagan or satanic, if you adhere to rigid schedules, to personal habits you refuse to change, if you are OCD ... I advise you to reconsider travel. Are you ready to leave your comfort zone?

Until you are able to be mentally flexible you may just want to stick to an only-over-60-all-white-wealthy or gay-Jewish-ab-fab-muscleman cruise. Both are examples of connecting to people just-like-you. Neither connects to the outside world you either ignore or deny or feel superior to.

Travelling is about embracing. And embracing can be messy and frightening. And overcoming those fears and cleaning up those messes can lead to personal growth. If you are willing to be flexible you are strong enough to pass this test.

Traveling is mind-blowing. It opens one up to a world of connections beyond group identity or the promise of monetary payback. Physical, mental, and emotional connections rapidly become apparent. Open yourself up to this reality, "We are One" and join humanity's journey.

I wish you the best on your travels.

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