The Definition of Insanity

Beliefs

PROMPT May 7th
Start your entry today with the words: “I used to believe...”

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30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS  (13+) WDC's Longest Running Blog Competition - Hiatus #1786069 by Fivesixer

I used to believe in:

Goodness. I always believed people would keep their word and that they were relatively good. I know that many people in this world are good but there’s still a lot that aren’t. I’m tired of promises being made and then broken. Why make any if you have at least a small notion that you can’t keep them?

That God wasn’t real. For context, I live in the south of the US in an itty bitty town that no one has heard of. We have no movie theater and the ‘city’ is almost two hours away. I put city in quotes because it’s not one like NYC. It’s...I don’t know really. It’s not huge or beautiful, but it is a city nonetheless. There is only one good restaurant in my town and our schools kind of suck. The second could just be my opinion though. I know many other people who like them, but for me, I’m firmly in the other court.

Anyway, I haven’t gone to church since I was about 5 or so and I went to visit my mom in the ‘city’ where my mom’s ex-boyfriend and her would go and drop us off in the daycare part. The only thing I remember is lots of running around and some lady with a high voice.

But those few instances apparently gave people in my old school the incentive to tell me that I was an idiot and didn’t understand anything. I always heard “you need to be a Christian. It’s the only way.” Or my personal favorite, “I don’t want you to go to Hell.” And me being me, well, I hated that. I wanted it to be MY choice, not some morons who think they know better just because they’ve been in church and Christians their whole life. And in the end, it kind of was.

Almost a year now, I ended a relationship with a guy because I wasn’t a Christian. Turns out, he couldn’t wait on me to become one. And in the weeks following that, I began to pray more and lean on God. I won’t lie, I miss the guy sometimes. But I know all of that led to a good thing, even if it did hurt.

I guess that’s kind of it for now. Adíos! 🍪