My Journal #2

Ariel is Gone

We managed through January and the first week of Feb. My husband had to go out of town. He called at least 3 times a night after I got home from work.
The second week of Feb she began to hide. I didn't know what that meant. She wasn't eating and I couldn't force her. Nothing I made her would tempt her.  I found her in the corners of the rooms. I'd call and call and she wouldn't come out. When I held her she'd stay for a while then go away from the room we were in. When I called the Vet he told me she was looking for a place to die. 
Three times I had to have my son help me search the backyard with a flashlight in the rain to find her in a corner some where.  I couldn't do it any longer. I called the Vet and told him I had to bring her in to put her down.

I'm sure anyone who reads this will think I'm callous and hard hearted. I'm not. I cry at everything; cute kids, sappy love stories and pretty pictures.  I will qualify my thoughts about Ariel. We had her for about 10 years and I couldn't count the number of times she bit me.
When we first got her it was probably 3 times a week. It wasn't just me, she'd nip my son and husband. If she were laying down next to the chair and you put your hand down to make the back go up or down, she'd think you were attacking her and bite your hand.

I was always careful. I usually got it at night when I turned over and would pull the covers over me. I learned to do it carefully so not to spook her. At times the biting wasn't a quick snap it was an attack and she didn't stop until I fought her off. Although I loved her, I wasn't attached to her.

When I took her into the Vet on Mar 15th, the staff showed my sister and I to a room. We went through the process and in a short time she was gone. I left her there. I didn't shed a tear nor did I feel sad until I walked down the hall and my sister said, "Look they lit the candle for Ariel." I realized they had turned off the hall light and pulled the blind down over the window of the door leading to the lobby while we were in the room.  Now I saw the flameless candle they put out that said something about "When the candle is lit, an "animal" is going home, or something similar. That was when it hit me. I choked up thinking how sweet all the staff were to me during the hour I was there. They cared for us in spite of the fact I had no feelings about putting her down.  I teared up because of their empathy and compassion. Bless them.