The Definition of Insanity

You asked.

I told Fivesixer that I was going to write about boycotting, and my opinions on it, but it turns out I can’t. I don’t have the energy or the drive. There’s been a few prompts over the last week that have really interested me, so I’d get to thinking about what I would write, and how I would word it, but when I got down to it, I just didn’t feel like it.

I would compare the feeling to seeing your favorite dessert or clothing item and feeling excited you get to buy it, so you go to the check out with the flavor and item in mind... but you buy nothing. That is what this feels like. Yet, I don’t know how to deal with it. I know how to name it, an elusive creature at the very least, but I cannot tame it.

I want to be like so many I see; the ones with the happy smiles and actual joy in their gaze. As children, most of us grow up believing our teenage years will be wonderful, that all you have to do is just be you, and everything will work itself out; but that isn’t true. Half of us are struggling to find out what “being me” means, and the other half are too worried about other things to care about something like that.

Oh, don’t get me wrong, there are so many happy teenagers. I’m not saying we’re all stuck in some pathetic loop where we just hate ourselves or something, I’m simply stating that we are not all there. We are expected to act like adults, yet be treated like we are young kids. I don’t get it, honestly. We are not adults yet. But neither are we tiny children incapable of making basic decisions, either. I understand being a parent is hard. We’re difficult, and we test your patience about one hundred times a day, though we’re learning just like you are.

I don’t know who I am yet. I’m just scraping the surface, actually. Some days I’ll piss off everyone I see, and others I’ll be so blank, you’ll ask over and over if I’m okay. I am. I just need space. I am a writer, teenager, sister, daughter, lover of chocolate and much more. So with that knowledge, I tell you to be patient. I’m me, and for right now, that will have to be okay.

¡Adíos! 🍪