Porthole

Empty chairs at empty tables 2020

I don't even know if I have lost friends or family from covid.

I have lost others to death or distance or disinterest.

The empty chairs imagery works well for me.

I wonder whether anyone misses me?

I responded to Apondia in her post "Friends" :

Ouch. I'm not in contact with folks like I used to be. Feeling quite isolated these last 6 months.

I used to have friends. And I remember how helpful folks were in the small towns where I lived in the 70s. But that era has "gone with the wind".

That sense of emptiness is the theme for my blog today when I get around to writing it.

Sunday is the most segregated day of the week. But it can also be the loneliest if you aren't a 'joiner'.

And there's the rub. Even at the Senior Center I felt estranged. Joyce had her Tuesday group and was happy when I joined in (she was the glue). I'm sure I reminded her of her son. When he died she started to go downhill (heart failure). She died in March at age 89. I have her small bookcase. And memories. I have those.

When Hugh died at age 97 about 4 years ago the Socrates Club fell apart. Now that Lavinia died in August I feel lonelier where I live. And Nick says hello when he comes to town and gives me a hug, but nothing is like it was before. Yes, I need new friends but I can't make them sitting at home.

Folks gather outside the Senior Center (kept closed due to covid so we get to sit in the rain or smoke outside) M-F for a piss-poor lunch. I know they want me to come more often. But, I'm not into joining a group. This past week the dangerous smoke levels kept me away. Perhaps this Monday.

There's a grief that can't be spoken,
There's a pain goes on and on.
Empty chairs at empty tables,
Now my friends are dead and gone.
Here they talked of revolution,
Here it was they lit the flame,
Here they sang about tomorrow and tomorrow never came.
From the table in the corner,
They could see a world reborn,
And they rose with voices ringing,
And I can hear them now
The very words that they have sung
Became their last communion
On this lonely barricade, at dawn.
Oh my friends, my friends forgive me
That I live and you are gone
There's a grief that can't be spoken,
And there's a pain goes on…

"To brighten my own days, and remind me what day it is, I am writing a poem a day on a chalkboard beside my front stoop." So says Katya the Poet in "Chalkboard Poems" 

StephBee did a virtual 5k walk with her son and has been writing, working on "Christmas in Bayeux" and looking forward to new possibilities (maybe the lost year of 2020?), and reading political/historical books. "Catching up September"  I told her, "I have done lots of writing. Haven't been in the right mood to read though. That doesn't help. It would be nice to do a 5k walk. I sure couldn't run it!"

"The next time I write a story or poem, I will be more conscious of apophenia." You could look up 'apophenia' or just read Robert Waltz who explains in "Patterns" . I responded, "Haiku is based on two images with the reader connecting the dots and providing the emotion. What is evoked in me may not be the same as what is evoked in thee."

amy-Finally writing a novel. is working on her book "Your Positive Life". See "Invalid Entry"  I wrote, "Chapter 4: If It's Important To You It's Important To Me ... I sometimes feel that my poems/fiction and especially blog posts are "too much information" but then I get feedback that somehow I've put words to someone's dilemma. And that it helps. Afterall, we are all human. I think of Roberta Flack and "Killing me softly with his song".



My life? I have done nothing today. But the AQI is 39 which is wonderful! And for some reason I'm getting images of May and mown grass and no idea why.

I took out the garbage, strolled down to Anderson Park and bought 2 gallons of milk on the way back. I spoke to Shaun and Dan. Not much but better than normal.

On disqus:

• modejunky: "We’re just living on a raindrop."
• RitaEvacuee: "She tastes like a raindrop, she got the look! Na na na, na na na naaaa"

There's inspiration everywhere!

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