My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE POEM
The poem was about how a beach can take us to a mountain.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked the adventure of the poem and how it explored both the beach and the mountain.
STRUCTURE
This is a diamante poem. The rules involve having 7 seven lines, first and last line, just one word which is a noun, 2nd and 6th lines, 2 words which are adjectives, 3rd and 5th lines have 3 words which are verbs, 4th line has 4 words - nouns. Diamantes don't have to play hard by the rules, but they should take the shape of a diamond.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. Good use of WDC ML to increase the font. I also liked how the ML changed color when the explorer/reader moved from the beach to the mountain. Subtle, yet effective.
DESCRIPTIONS
There are great descriptions for both environments that really give the reader for both such as "sandy," and "tides" for the beach, and "hiking," and "rocky" for the mountain. Well done. Nice transition.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
The title, "Escape" sets the stage for what to expect from the poem. Solid word choices are used to paint the environments for the beach and mountain. I honestly felt like I was on a adventure. Well done! The poem followed the prompt and used one of the following words: mountain, beach, or forest. Good luck in the Bard's Hall Contest.
I really like your poem here - it's a nice tribute to Buffalo Soldiers which is the featured video at the Veterans Group this month. Well done! If anything - I think "soldies" should be "soldiers," if you'd like to fix it.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE POEM
The poem was a respectful tribute for those who have passed away in war. The use of Flanders Field and poppy seeds stirs up images of World War I.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked the compare/contrast of the battlefield to be followed by flowers.
STRUCTURE
This is a free form poem.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. Good use of WDC to increase the font and make it red. It made the poem easier to read on the website.
DESCRIPTIONS
I liked: Along with crimson poppies, military cemeteries appeared," This is a striking visual - where poppies mark a battlefield and a cemeteries and it stirs a sense of gratitude for those who sacrificed.
All four of my daughters were vets from the moment of birth. They were all born while I was on Active Duty, were born in Army hospitals, and bounced back and forth between the U.S. and West Germany with their mom and me (the eldest ones more than once).
The earth becomes a canvas for Mother Nature's art
when Heaven pours its bounty upon the ground
and then brushes flower garden with lots of sunshine,
'til sprouts of daffodils and pansies abound.
She paints my yard in vibrant green, gold, and magenta,
bejeweled with resplendent morning dew drops,
viewed with wonder from my perch in back porch rocking chair
while savoring scrumptious cherry lollipops.
I've fallen in love with far away exotic lands,
images of elephants and slow dark eyes
beckon me to write a romantic Hindi Doha,
join me in invoking soft exotic sighs.
~~Tinker
Hindi poetry is a descendant of Sanskrit and is found primarily in the North, West and Central India. Hindi is the official language of India. The region is known for its romantic poetry.
The Doha is a Hindi stanzaic form employing a rhyming couplet with long syllabic lines. The Doha is also used in Urdu verse. This form often steps away from the Hindi tradition of romantic verse and can be written as didactic verse or used in longer narrative verse.
The elements of the Doha are:
1. stanzaic, written in any number of couplets.
2. syllabic, each line is made up of 24 syllables and is paused by caesura at the end of the 13th syllable, making the line two phrases of 13 and 11 syllables. The couplet can be arranged as a quatrain breaking the line at the caesura.
3. rhymed, aa bb cc
4. commonly used for proverbs and/or for longer narratives or didactic poetry.
Vanquished in the Night
The starless night drops down into the silent forest,
small creatures scurry to secure safe haven.
Peerless predators with eyes accustom to the dark,
stalking weaker prey with guile until craven.
~~Judi Van Gorder
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