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A metaphysical search for truth and knowledge amidst the misadventures of a main character |
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He was thinking about U.S. Senator of Illinois, Barack Obama's presidential bid for The White House and it seemed so reflexive, more of a reflection of others satisfaction with him and his pandering response than the candidate's own goals and objectives for the top executive government position, as he second guessed the Senator commenting, "This will certainly cause me to lose the nomination!" "It will be tough to explain to the American people my rationale for disliking something or someone that seems without reproach or opprobrium!!" Time moved too quickly. The world clock had lost several minutes just because of the Greenhouse Effect and the warping of the planet such that the earth seemed like a gaseous pumpkin that approximated the appearance of a large sweet pepper from all of those NASA spectral and atmospheric photographs. He was satisfied and pleased that the work days seemed shorter so that his team manager at work wouldn't chastise him with such remarks and comments as, "I'll summon the authorities upon you one of these days just because I don't like you!!" "Show your face, here, tomorrow, and see what happens to you!!" "And don't you ever display or reveal your nude body again in public!!" "When people like you, you just can't change yourself or modify your appearance to disrespect them!" "If we wanted a bald bunny for Easter, we would have purchased one from Wal-Mart, or Publix, or Sweetbay, or some other store for that matter!" The team manager commanded quite a presence within the office such that he felt her physical punches and slaps which seemed to remind him of being assaulted, assailed by violent offenders who would prey upon those most available or even susceptible to them. Or maybe smoothly and insidiously with the hypocrisy from the other-side-of-the-tracks like that Sonny character from General Hospital. But what did it really signify to experience such violence and impulsive accostment within the mind? Especially from people who seemed temperate and subdued, at best? Was it irrational hatred? Some contained rage telepathed directly to its recipient? It seemed supernatural yet deleterious, as if predicated upon some ancient distinction between pineal gland and brain, function and cortex. And it had to be something malevolent without rectitude because the team manager would sometimes sadistically laugh and comment, "I just don't like you and believe that you are anatomically weak for a black man!" There were others who had threatened him within this manner like another associate within the call center where he worked as he could recall an ex-employee from still yet another company remark before vehemently screaming, "There you go again talking about the violence within society which is mostly perpetrated against lesser peoples by the power structure!!" Maybe the ex-employee reminded him of the actor, Robert Forster, with that same icy cold gaze, who also seemed to be saying, "That's not what you think!" And you shouldn't be thinking or writing about that!!" He knew that Aleksandr and Erik Ryan would be better. Or at least different, stronger without moral dilemmas about yet against strange iniquities that seemed to disrespect and degredate others like him. Preferaby before they realized like he did that the anger and the rage and the violence was real and not some imaginary condition to contend with the world. Perhaps it had worsened as someone once said although now it manifested from everyone including Asians as it was also said, "You know they would enslave the world if they could!!" "You know they would really enslave us all if they could!!" "And the Nazis didn't like them either during World War II!!" People do what is necessary and he expected Aleks and Ryan to be the same. What else seemed sensible as compared to others who were also doing what was necessary? He imagined that they would seek every opportunity to fill and load their pockets at stores and businesses. Thinking like real men, "We just want everything that we can get!!" "We want everything that we can get for as little work as possible!!" Was it Einstein who once postulated upon the possiblilty of recapturing light which would beam the reflection of lost time, lost years? He didn't travel enough last year yet he thought about a transcontinental express to transport him anywhere that he requested if only to recapture the thrill of speeding through time. There would be less of everything, he thought, yet only as if affecting him personally, such that he no longer wanted what he believed he wanted from others: their time, their cooperation, their contributions. Yet didn't he give and sacrifice his time, cooperation, and contribution for the benefit of those who always predicated themselves upon the exploitation of "people being good" or the charity and generosity of kindness? The transcontinental train, the transcendence of time with speed, would also deliver him from the terrors of the universal mind, the 'pops" and "hits" from others like an old trainer and human resources specialist from an insurance company in which he once worked or the steely, unemotive gaze of a Charles Manson, possibly during his 1970's decade heyday, or some cult leader fanatic, a Jim Jones, a Lord of Illusions. Such people even had their own sympathizers that you could meet within every state of the country like even within New Jersey. Quite frankly, no one cared about the differences between hippie and beatnik. Perry Como, Burl Ives, Bing Crosby, Andy Williams, Paul McCartney, or Paul Simon. or Allen Ginsburg. He travelled upon this train with a companion, perhaps male, as the train conducted its normal route and he began thinking, "How many major cities have subway trains, subway tunnels, labyrinthine mazes of which New York City has over approximately hundreds of miles?" "Does anyone ride outside between the train cars to deliberately experience their speed?" The train detoured from its destination possibly switiching tracks or rails and like an Amtrak derailing from a CSX mismanaged and ill-maintained rail and track line. Yet while passing through a dark tunnel, he considered those flashes of light, brief and unmomentous, as they reminded him of those lost within a blind realm of self-discovery and deception. There were those who seemed to wail, "People are not "good"!!" "You can allude to degenerate white men from the 1960's decade in America yet you cannot quote the greatest civil rights leader of all-time, The Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.!!" "If not for him, the evil hatred of others who hate you because you are black would certainly destroy you!!" "We just don't like that you are free, that you think and live as a free man!!" "You must suffer and obsess, hate and absolve the guilts for the world's pain and hatred!!" "Why can't you understand that you are despised because of physical appearance and skin color?!!" "Why can't you understand that you must honor and tribute King if you have decided to free your mind, think free and act or conduct yourself freely amidst a world of evil hatred?!!" "You must give yourself a mental problem, neurosis, psychosis, clinical depression, and bi-polar disorder by constantly reminding yourself that you are black, are perceived as black and hated by others!!" "Must we beat, fight, and kill you until or onto submission?!!" "Accept that you are lesser and perceived without human dignity by the majority of others!!" "We will never forget our KIng!!" "Because he didn't have to be murdered!!" "So rise above and be a slave, no more!!" Then there were those that seemed like phantoms, mere ghosts that haunted, "And apologize to Joan Sweeney, once Chief of the Exempt Organizations/ Employer Plans Division of the Brooklyn District office of the Internal Revenue Service in Brooklyn, New York, because you threw a sign at her!!" "So what if the IRS is still "A Law Onto Itself", that woman is racist and has been awaiting your demise for years!!" "Like her contemporaries and cronies, they are not men but cowards who await your degeneration into futility, insanity, hopelessness, despair, and old age!!" Now he began floating and levitating, rising above some other elevation to arrive upon some other railroad track and rails within the transcendental train while it traversed hazardly and perilously in front of another travelling train which is speeding within another direction, some possible evidence that there are other intelligent sensibilities like his own within the universe although perhaps isolated upon their own transcontinental, transcendental trains and trolley cars, although others persisted, "You must be human to have sensibilities!!" "You have not sufficiently demonstrated that you are human!!" "Even the President of the United States alludes to your physical appearance compared to Caucasian!!" A girl that he once knew from a work training class once said that she really loved rollercoasters, as he ascended a vertical loop before descending again and rolling, still within the train now travelling at a higher and faster rate of speed. He began to observe a girl's face who once said that she was from Hoboken, New Jersey, posibly as if one passing glare of light still within the tunnel, He glimpsed a male telemarketer, that he once knew from Pinellas Park, Florida, and then there was also New York Senator Hillary R. Clinton, also a Democratic Presidential candidate, as if hitting the glass, in addition to a female call center associate from his current company, who appeared to be sitting within his lap. The original male companion, still riding aside him, seemed to be commenting about the train, "This is a mass transit experiment and excursion gone awry!" The train ceased and with it, the world was less fair and less just. There were fewer opportunities to frequent anywhere without combustion of fuels or arrive at destinations partitioned by water, sea, or the limitations and restrictions of society or people. The infra and outerstructures crumbled while he perceived his banishment from former U.S. Attorney General/former New York City mayor/ current Republican candidate for President, Rudolph Guiliani, and former New York State Attorney General/current Governor of New York, Eliot Spitzer, former New York City Fire or Police Commisioner, Bernard Kozik, and Victoria Gotti, Mafia Princess and celebrity, as they remarked or commented, "New York City never liked you, never wanted you living within it, and still doesn't!!" "Don't show your face within that city, ever again!!" "And Rudy and Bernie are front men for the mob!!" But then a train conductor announced and requested, "Anyone who prefers to ride or to continue riding this train again must pay another fare!!" What is the key to good conflict resolution? Is is mediation, conciliation, consolation, concession, confrontation, or forfeiture? Someone demands some right and priviledge or entitlement and those demanded are immediately empowered as if they have some priviledge, advantage, or benefit to grant others that didn't already belong to those requesting it. The condescension and patronage of being harassed, challenged to react or resist like from his team manager and another call center associate from his current the company reminded him that evil sought to destroy absolutely. He knew people who could sleep through fire sirens, smoke detector alarms, alarm clocks, cacaphonous phone rings, loud radio music, and blaring television surround sound systems. Some people could actually sleep through anything, ignore anything and usually such people could ignore him, too. Just like the want of sleep, all else seemed irrelevant, superfluous, and redundant of one single notion in mind. You didn't matter. With that in mind, who determined what mattered to others? If social conventions regulated and monitored our psychological needs for love and acceptance, (if those were psychological and not mere social conventionist thinking to justify more social conventions), why did they become elitist or elusive, high-priced commodities too invaluable to bestow others? How did we become sadists/masochists for the deprivation and denial of others and possibly even ourselves? He asked himself if people still preferred to be buried or even cremated upon the transformation or passage into enlightenment. Or if fond memories of the deceased were cherished or conversely desecrated because of the resentment for their respect and dignity, although others shouted untenably at him, "Will you please show some remorse and sorrow for the death of your mother?!!" "Do you finally know what death really is?!!" "Can you write about it such that you evoke the same pain and emotion among others for the deceased individual that actual respective loved ones might wrenchingly feel amidst themselves?!" |
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