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Looks like I may have a ton of these, so this is collection 1 of Reflections |
Convo b/t me and my Mother *slightly edited for clarity, enjoyment and in order to fill in the blanks* Thanks God for the holidays...... I said it in private so don't bring it up unless it's in private. O ok I didn't realize it was a sensitive subject. You're missing the point! It doesn't matter if it's a sensitive subject. Then why can't I bring it up? Because I said it in private!!! You say A LOT of things in "private"! It was just us for 48 hours, EVERYTHING we said was in private! Not 'everything' just some things, EXACTLY THAT'S WHAT i JUST SAID!!!! ....whatever. .....REALLY?! *SMDH* I f'n hate having to CENSOR myself around 'family' either they're family or they AREN'T don't tell me these people are my family if I can't talk to them LIKE FAMILY! Could I have brought it up with any of your brothers or sisters? Yea but that's different, they're not my husband. Ok, so if it was Marks' (my younger brother) dad, and we talked about how his family is, could I have brought it up to him? Yea to him but not his parents/siblings. Ok, well I wasn't going to bring it up to Franklin's parents/siblings. Yea you would have, you would have asked at least one of his sisters why they don't get together during the holidays. ....no I wouldn't. I wouldn't have said "my mama said" I out grew that phase in the womb.....(but I'm not blind, etc.) Well....still. Just don't bring it up. Ok. *blissful silence* ......why would you even.... I said ok! Why do YOU keep bringing it up!? And since we're talking about 'confidences', there's something I'd like YOU not to bring up around HIS family. Something I'd like you to keep in 'confidence', something that's no one else's business. What? Don't try to throw 'guilt trips' around in public, telling Franks daughter I never come visit you like I'm some awful person. You didn't tell me that in confidence I was just telling the truth. No, you was being melodramatic and accusing me of not being a good daughter. Basically, painting me in a disfavorable light; which is the only reason you don't want me bringing up what we talked about! Sorry I'm not perfect mom. Stating a fact is "She hasn't been home just to visit me since she moved back." Being accusatory and melodramatic is leaning in and saying "You know she hasn't been to see me not once since she moved!" REALLY?! I know you know the difference, please don't insult either of our intelligence by pretending your intent was anything different..... I wasn't intending anything.... Ok, well I just want to let you know that your tone of voice sounded inflammatory and guilt trippy, just like with my hair and how you for whatever reason felt the need to comment on it a million times at your sisters house. Hate to break it to you but 'guilt trips' have the direct OPPOSITE affect on me.... Well that's just too bad, walk around looking crazy if you want to, I'm yo mama, just trying to tell you whats good for you. *headache coming on* Mom, I know that and I love you for your honesty BUT there is a difference between sharing your opinion and shoving it down my throat. I KNOW what you think and how you feel, what happened to the days of "well I guess you just not gonna listen to me so forget it, I'm not saying it again"? I MISS those days!!! That's just rude. I'm not trying to be rude I'm just saying, you repeating yourself and trying to embarrass me will NOT get you what you want. I'm only trying to save us both headaches....I get it. I want to be perfect. I want to appear to be beautiful to you and my family all the time but I long ago accepted the fact that I will never live up to your standards of personal care and beauty. All I can do is live up to mine the best I can and your INSESINT needling only makes it worse. I'm just being honest. There's a reason you sister and mom have SEVERAL good things to say about my attire when they see me in my work clothes but you feel like you never see them, 1. because even if I dress and look good 85% of the time, you only concentrate on the 15% that's lacking well you SHOULD look good 100% of the time. that's my point right there.....100% = perfection, I'm not perfect and I never will be well you can't afford to not be perfect in your appearance Ansley, it's tough out there period, let alone for a young black woman, you can't give an inch or they will take the mile *migraine insisting* Ok there you go, being dismissive again No, but we obviously agree to disagree and I don't like arguing with you so just...ok. How can you disagree!? I don't disagree about looks being important in the workplace. I DO disagree that I'm not good enough, or doing my best at work. I DO disagree that if I don't get to keep this contract in March that my looks will have been the deciding factor or even a relevant factor at all BECAUSE I know when I've messed up, both business wise and personally and I can tell you they have NO reason at that job to think less of me because of my appearance NOR DO THEY! What's a major deal to you either isn't to them or it's a misnomer because I don't look like you apparently assume I do, in the office. |
| Grief Diary 120913 Haven't had one in a while, don't remember the last time. Trigger: StarTrek Into Darkness, of all things..... I've decided, my Dad was Spock, my Dad was part Vulcan. Try not to say sociopath anymore....he had feelings...sometimes...feelings that later didn't seem fake, like when Brian died. But he was still selfish. Analytical. Logical when it proved in his best self interest.... I started to get sleepy.....been having vision headaches but I began to slow down...more. Then I remembered. The day, how I felt, thought I was just imagining what it would be like to write the book "My Dad was part Vulcan" then segment in a movie; delirium, lack/shutting down of emotion..... so tired.... |
| Reflections: Preferred Author [#4000] Officially approved Writing.Com Preferred Author logo.Preferred Author [#4000] I believe I deserve to be a PA, not because I'm arrogant by any means, but because I've spent weeks upon months upon years working hard to enhance my craft. That being said, it seems to me that there are a TON of other authors with much more experience and talent that aren't PAs yet. That got me thinking: maybe it's not the quality of my writing but the quality of my reviews?! Idunno, wish The Masters would tell us which, [so I could concentrate on being just as good at other things] but I'm content to know that someone on here thinks I'm pretty spiffy ;-p [still working on perfecting all my skillz!!!!] So THANKS AGAIN to all who believed I deserved PA status and made it possible. Love u much Bigsmile Memory lane: You have been hand chosen by Staff and promoted because you stand out among the other members of Writing.Com. This could be for a variety of reasons, such as the quality of the items in your portfolio, your positive involvement within the community, the quality of reviews that you have been giving to other authors, and your positive interaction with other Writing.Com members. "Note: O my goodness, o my goodness, OMYGOODNESS! Exact..." Now posted to:
Like • Comment • Remove • Oct 13, 2013 at 10:51pm 2 people like this. Lilly-EarthenWareHaven Sisco ~ 4 Years WDC! |
| To Brian: Hello, During The Promise of Freedom speech you referenced JK Rowling's newest book The Cuckoos Calling, that she published under a different name. I understood your sentiment that perhaps it was done partially in ego as "I don't want help," but I'm wondering how strongly you believe this. I think the question is foremost in my mind because I'm a tech writer by trade and aspiring creative writer. As such I completely understand Rowlings sentiment and viewed her decision to use a pseudo name more as an act of humility in that she did not want to be 'showy' and rely on the success of her other book. Basically, she didn't want a ton of 'yes-readers' (read as 'yes-men') that automatically say you're great even if they think your current book sucks. I think I'm most curious about your thought process because I imagine there are/were much more obvious and less ambiguous examples of egotism available, which makes me wonder how strong a perceived ego JK is throwing out there. Another reason this is probably stuck on my brain is because after watching the documentary A Year In The Life I found that I relate emotionally with this author on a ton of levels when I initially found her to be cold and aloof. Consequently, if I identify with her and you perceive her in such a way I want to know the cause because I would like to avoid such misgivings in my own life. 120913 @11:38am In response to a JK reference he made during The Promise of Freedom Tuesday, December 3, 2013 @19:40/33:59 (Unpolished reference @17:35/33:59) https://www.crossroads.net/my/media/playVideo.php&idMedia=2326 |
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I just hope they can see it that way.
