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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/blog/callmetj/day/10-12-2025
Rated: 13+ · Book · Personal · #1921220

My thoughts released; a mind set free

These pages contain my thoughts, from meandering ideas and persuasions to deep cerebrations and serious mentations.

Why, for what purpose? To release my mind and set creativity free. Somewhere inside the constraints of my mind dwells a writer, a poet, an artist who paints with words. In here I release those constraints and set the artist free.

Perhaps, lost somewhere in the depths of thought, is a story or a poem, waiting to be written.

October 12, 2025 at 4:11pm
October 12, 2025 at 4:11pm
#1099173
My wife's cousin and his wife came over on Friday from the opposite side of the state to visit for a few days before going over to the state park to camp for a few days. They brought garden-fresh vegetables and some beef raised by some friends; some thick-cut ribeye steaks were planned for dinner last night.

Now, yesterday I was feeling a bit off, almost like I may be coming down with a cold, but other than that, I was doing great. I had a cheese and mushroom omelet (one egg) for breakfast. I had a protein bar and shake for lunch, and snacked on various leftovers through the early afternoon. But I stopped eating anything a couple of hours before dinner to ensure I would have as much room as possible for dinner.

Dinner was finally ready, I was starved, and the food looked and smelled fabulous. I have been craving a nice steak since my surgery, and now I was finally able to eat it, and I was looking forward to savoring every bite I could eat. (I'm still limited to about a cup of food per sitting). We also had fresh vegetables from their garden and baked potatoes with all the fixings.

With my limited capacity, I just had a chunk of steak cut off from my wife's while it was still rare enough for me, since she likes hers about medium. I also took a few different vegetables to dip and enjoy, as well as about a quarter of a baked potato. I knew I'd likely not be able to eat all of it, but I thought I'd give it a hell of a shot even if it left me feeling a bit miserable for a while after.

But, I was buncoed with the first bite of food; it did not go down. It stopped at the point of the surgery, where my stomach was attached to my throat. I could not get any food, no matter how soft, how well chewed, or even water to pass down my throat. Not only was I upset about this new development, but here's this plate with this yummy food, and I cannot eat it!

Eventually, a few hours later, I was able to sip some water and get it down, and shortly before bed, I managed a pudding cup. Of course, eating within a couple of hours of bed means reflux, but I risked it because I was starving and so thirsty I knew I wouldn't sleep anyway.

Today I can eat again, but there is still some restriction when I swallow. I'm logging all my foods to track my calorie intake (I have a difficult time getting even close to my daily calorie intake and have to watch my nutrients to make sure I get enough), so I was able to look at what I had consumed prior and compare it to other days when the same thing has happened. I'm hoping we can find something that is causing this, and I will be talking to the doctor tomorrow about this, as well as how painful it is after eating when the food moves through the intestines.

Is this temporary or long-term? So far, the question has not been answered. My surgeon said that some people can eat almost normally within a few months, while others may take up to a year. But at the same time, he's also telling me that I'll need to eat five or six meals a day to get enough nutrition and that some of his patients have to go in for IVs to ensure they don't dehydrate (he's recommending I go in at least once a week, but twice would be better.

I'm sure one day down the road, after the chemo and immunology treatments are over, I'll find myself eating more per sitting, drinking enough water, and being able to maintain my nutritional needs. At that point, I can look back and know my worries and concerns about living a normal life after cancer were unfounded. But until then, not knowing is the hardest part.


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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/blog/callmetj/day/10-12-2025