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The fun, the frustrating and the unbelievable-- Living in the Nation's Capitol |
| The story of relocation, transition and assorted moments of self deprecating reality... |
| Washington DC- November 17, 2021: UBER vehicle. Normally I take the train, but today, I am loaded down with electronics, heading home to Arlington; an UBER is in order. I walk out to Black Lives Matter Plaza and wait. Eventually Henry arrived in a 2019 Toyota Corolla. His rating was a respectable 4.8. I wonder about my rating. I climb in, "How's it going?" Henry greeted me warmly. After confirming the destination address in Arlington, Henry dived into traffic. I notice that he is staring at me intently during the drive in the rear view mirror. He finally breaks the ice. "You know, I have been driving for UBER seven years now. I have over eleven thousand fares, most are rated five star -- and you are my first celebrity. You are the first famous person that I have driven," Henry stated with genuine excitement. Who does he think I am, I wondered. Play it cool. "Well, it is very nice to meet you and I appreciate your discretion. I'm just trying to keep a low profile. You understand that, right?" I asked. "Sure, it's cool. I get it bro. You deserve your peace," said Henry. Several miles later, he turned right on Clarendon boulevard and drifted to the left lane coming to a stop at the destination. "You have arrived," announced the mobile app. "I can't wait to tell my girlfriend about this ride," said Henry. "I plan to tell my wife about the ride as well. You take care Henry." I tipped generously, not wanting to ruin the illusion. |
| Gainesville, Virginia - Its the first day of winter. How may leaves are left? I am in the home office trying to work, and it begins. The droning scream of the high powered leaf blower. Not just one, but several. I head outdoors to right this wrong or at least give the stare that says, "Give me a fucking break." I am greeted by the neighbor's team of leaf blower operators. A group of four lawn care enthusiasts shepherding a handful of leaves. I approach the leader of the pack. He is observing leaf operations from the company truck at the curb. I approach and he rolls down the window, "Does it really take four leaf blowers to round up the handful of remaining winter leaves?" "What you say meester?" For lawn care he is well-dressed, wearing the same coveralls as the others. His name is Carlos, proven by the name tag sewn over his left pocket. These guys started the day looking pristine, like they could be caddies in the U.S. Open. Fucking corporate lawn care, I think. Recognizing a language barrier I extend four fingers. "Four? Cuatro? Really, four leaf blowers? The noise," I complain, "Please," giving the squinted-eye look one uses when boring into their temple with an electric drill. Finally I am getting somewhere. Carlos climbs out of the truck, walks to the rear and plops open the tailgate with a bang. He pulls out a nearly new leaf blower with machine gun rated ear muffs. With ear protection in place, Carlos pulls the cord on the leaf blower engine twice before the tool roars to life. Carlos closes the tailgate and joins the others. Leaf blowers should be outlawed. "Hey, asshole," I shout. |
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