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a journal |
 This book is intended as a place to blog about my life and things I'm interested in and answers to prompts from various blog prompt sites here on WDC, including "30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS"  and "Blog City ~ Every Blogger's Paradise" I'm not sure yet what it'll turn into, but I'm going to have fun figuring it out. |
| "You have delighted us long enough." Mrs. Bennet said this to her daughter Mary after she sang off key while playing the piano in Pride and Prejudice By Jane Austen. When have you been delighted by people long enough? First off, I love this scene. There’s something so reassuring about Mary’s total obliviousness of her own inadequacies. I wonder sometimes, if I have that kind of obliviousness in some things. It also reminds me of that terror of my childhood, the elementary school or middle school choir. They are mandatory for the children, which means that sometimes, the child can’t sing. And as someone who has fairly good relative pitch, that can be painful. Especially as sometimes, when a person can’t hear the pitch, they assume that going higher means going louder . . . I have five younger siblings and so I have gone to plenty of Christmas concerts where it was—painful. This quote also reminded me of visiting family. There’s a point soon reached, in every visit, where if you stay a minute longer, you become part of the problem instead of part of the solution. I love visiting my siblings with their children. I love having them visit. But I also love going home or having the house to ourselves again. |
| “Take everything that’s bright and beautiful in you and introduce it to the shadow side of yourself.” Parker Palmer How can a person do this? Can you give an example, and do you agree this would work to make the world a better place? Inside everyone there are secret places—places that we don’t like to look at because they don’t fit the person that we like to show to the world. There, in the shadows, are the little jabs we give our friends, the envying, the wrath—I find myself going to the seven deadly sins, and there’s some truth to that. Now, I don’t say that we ever act on those impulses. Some people are able to control that part of them so well that it looks from the outside as though it doesn’t exist. But we, who live inside our heads, we know better. So, this is an interesting thought. To take the things that are bright and beautiful and introduce them to the shadow—that makes it seem as though it’s a way to make us better, to shed light upon our darker impulses by sharing the light. I don’t know if I think that would work. It sounds interesting in general, but when I try to look at specifics in my own life, I can’t think of an example that would work. Introducing light makes the shadow flee without eradicating it. Or maybe it makes them less by making me think about the places in my head and heart that need brightening, cleaning up. Where do I need work? And I think that a greater sense of self awareness would actually brighten the world. After all, all change needs to start at the individual level. |
| I’m home now. I’ve been home for just over a week, and have spent my time mostly sleeping. It’s good to be back in my own bed again, sleeping without having to fight the couch. It’s also good to have a break from the kids. I love them but I was ready to have a break. Traveling home was an adventure. I left at about 5am to get to the train station in San Jose in good time for my train at 6:45. I said goodbye the night before to the troops, but I gave everyone kisses before I left. Only little Fitz woke up. Well, Fred woke up a enough to grump at me as I left. My brother and his wife got up, too. I just hope they were able to get back to sleep again. The first train was a commuter, which meant I basically slept through to Emeryville. There wasn’t much to see except the farmlands of California. I wasn’t in the part of California that is having fires right now, which was at least one less thing to worry about. In Emeryville, I got off and had about an hour and a half before the long train got there and we could board. I had four bags, but all of them were relatively light weight, so I managed to go to the toilet and stake a seat claim. About half an hour before the train was scheduled to leave, the station manager told us that there were going to be two trains getting there at the same time, one going south, and the one I wanted, which was going east. She stood there making announcements for a while, but the engineers finally decided to let my train board first. We stood in line for about ten minutes before the train showed up. I was among the first boarders because I was in a sleeper. It was a long train: two engines, three sleeper cars, a dining car, a sightseeing car, and two coach cars at the back. When it pulled in, I needed to walk up to where my car was. It was the middle of the three sleeper cars—or at least it had been when I printed off my ticket. But after some wandering up and down the train with my attendant (he was very nice and helpful), I ended up in the first car, closest to the engines. It meant I had to walk further to get to the food or the sightseer lounge, but I didn’t mind. It was quieter. With a sleeper, food in the dining car comes with the ticket. That was useful because I didn’t want to spend money on food if I could avoid it. Almost as soon as we settled into the train, it was time for lunch. They seat you on the train, so I met lots of interesting people, but that first meal I was with an antisocial table. We sat staring out the window at the scenery. It was the Sierra Nevadas that first day. It was beautiful. There was no wifi onboard. It wouldn’t have been a problem except that the website says there is wifi on the trains. But there was electricity so I could get on my laptop and write. I could open up knitting patterns that I hadn’t printed out. So those were two of my activities when I wasn’t in the sightseers lounge, watching the world pass. I also read a book and a half. My roomette was cozy. It was about as wide as a double bed, with two seats facing each other with an optional tray table between. Above, a second bed made an angle that reminded me of living in an attic. There were windows but I could have privacy by closing the curtains. The two seats converted into a bed which was then topped by a little mattress that the attendant stored in the upper berth. Once I had my bed made up, I kept it up for the rest of the time I was on the train. Next door towards the engine was a Viet Nam veteran with a tiny Yorkshire Terrier who was aboard as a service animal. He was going to DC for veteran’s day. Across from my roomette was a woman moving from California to New York City for work. She was a dietician. We talked for a long time one morning while the train was stopped because of a problem on the line. The weather was perfect—cool and clear except for about half an hour after we passed the continental divide, when it was snowing. Not blizzard conditions—just a light snow and another six inches or so on the ground. I took so many pictures that I ran out of memory on my phone right when we passed over the Mississippi. By that time, we were running late. We got stopped on the tracks for about two hours while they were fixing signals. I didn’t have any trouble, but a couple of people on our train had to change their connection to get home that day like they planned. I stayed on that train for nearly the whole time—two nights, three days. We got in to Chicago late—it was nearly five and we were supposed to get in at 2:50. I got lost there. They’ve remodeled and the maps of the station are not accurate, but the janitor showed me how to get to where I was supposed to wait for the next train. I had wifi there. I spent my waiting time online and eating snacks in the lounge. They had us board the next train nearly an hour before we were scheduled to depart, and I think it was because they wanted to make sure we had time to eat. I slept most of the way down to Memphis. It was just as well. They try to avoid having people awake if the landscape is going to be uninteresting. I think the real excitement on that line comes after I was off, down in New Orleans. I want to write this up more—really shape it. Maybe send it back to the kids as a little book, but I’m going to have to shape it more. But at least I have the core of what I wanted it say, even though it’s not shaped at all and it’s all over the place. ah well. It was fun. I’d travel by train again. Especially in a sleeper. |
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