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 |  is paved with good intentions... |
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** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Hi, I'm Elle. I'm based in Auckland, New Zealand. I'm the mother of two young adults, the wife of an entrepreneurial gamer and the Queen of Unfinished Projects. This blog will contain poems, short stories, possibly photos and book reviews if you're lucky, and my thoughts on a variety of topics. Hope you enjoy it. |
Transformation. ~ "30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS"  A couple of weeks ago, I sent away hair samples from myself, Steve, Jayden and Caitie, to have us tested for food intolerances. I got the results back last night. Super interesting. I was a little skeptical, because the tests weren't expensive. I thought the key would be if the things we already knew about turned up on the tests, right? If they didn't turn up, the results were obviously bogus. Things we knew beforehand: - Steve is intolerant to cow's milk. He can tolerate goats milk though, so it's specifically cow's milk. - I'm allergic to penicillin - There's something in the UK that gives me an allergic reaction, possibly a grass or flower pollen. Current symptoms: - Steve has rashes but we already know these are triggered by cow's milk, although they have never gone away completely even when he's dairy-free. - I have headaches and migraines. - I have stomach pains sometimes that the doctors can't pinpoint a cause for. - Jayden has major stomach issues (the reason we got the tests done in the first place). Steve's test results Food intolerances:  Anchovy Basil Bay Leaf Blueberry Buckwheat Carambola / star fruit. Chickpea Chicory ;ettuce Cumin E 151 Brilliant black BN, black PN E 163 Anthocyanins E 440 Pectin, amidated pectin Garlic Jasmine tea Lactose Macadamia nuts Onions Peppermint oil Spelt Brown sugar Sweet Freedom sweetener Thyme White teaNon-food intolerances: Artemisia Salina (fish food) Duck feathers Elm trees Mugwort Penicillioyl (penicillin)So, Steve's intolerance to cow's milk did show up on his test results as an intolerance to lactose. So that's a point in the test's favour. But we know that Steve is better with goat's milk, but goat's milk also has lactose in it. So.... that's a point against the test?? Lactose is also found in breast milk and we know Steve was allergic to that as a baby. But he wasn't allergic to goat's milk as a baby.  Interestingly, I Googled lactose intolerance and people who are lactose intolerant can eat hard cheeses. So there you go.Steve's results include a LOT of the things used to flavour foods. Garlic, onion, Worcestershire sauce (anchovies), basil, bay leaves, cumin and thyme. We don't use cumin and bay leaves a lot, although we do use them, but we use the others all the time. Garlic and onion are in just about every evening meal we make! Interestingly, as soon as I saw duck feathers on the list, I remembered that we used to have a duck down duvet that Steve reacted to. So that's a point in the test's favour. Elle's test results Food intolerances: Buckwheat Butter lettuce White cabbage Chamomile tea Chicken Clove E 325 Sodiumlactate (salts from lactic acid) E 460 Cellulose, microcrystalline cellulose, cellulose powder Egg white Iceberg lettuce Jasmine tea Milk Millet Olive oil Pecan nuts Pine nut Rosemary RyeNon-food intolerances: Barley Canaries Goldenrod Japanese cedar Kentucky bluegrass (also known as common, smooth meadow grass) Penicillioyl (penicillin)So my allergy to Penicillin did show up, so that's a point in favour of the test. It also came up with a few different plants for me, including a grass that is very common in the UK. The worst reaction I ever had when I was in the UK was when I was at Urquhart Castle and the groundsman was mowing the grass. That's when I first thought it was grass rather than pollen. And look, apparently I'm intolerant to 'common, smooth meadow grass'.  But let's just take a minute here. I'm intolerant to chicken and egg whites?  Those are my favourite proteins!  And I'm a really fussy eater, which some of you may know from the years I've been on WDC, but let me tell you this - the only salad greens I eat are iceberg lettuce and cabbage. I don't eat those stupid frilly leafy lettuces. Just crisp iceberg lettuce or cabbage. BOTH OF WHICH ARE ON MY LIST!  I would usually have lettuce or cabbage at least five times a week. I looooove cabbage. It's one of my favourite vegetables.  I also love pine nuts, but I don't have them often, so that' s not a major. Olive oil though - that's going to be tough! And why is olive oil on there, but not olives?? I'm pretty gutted by my results, I gotta say. Why does my body hate me?  Jayden's test results: Food intolerances: Red cabbage Cardamom Coconut oil Cornflakes Crab E 479 Thermo-oxidised soya oil Margarine Marshmallow tea Noodles Peppermint oil Rye Brown sugar White wineNon-food intolerances: Artemisia Salina (fish food) Elder Guinea pigs Japanese millet Thistle TulipHoly shitballs, Jayden's intolerant to instant noodles!  It specifies that it means 'ramen type noodles (found in ready to go noodles - Pot noodles, supernoodles)'. Not pasta, but instant noodles. Not sure what the difference is, but that's hilarious. Jayden's intolerant to instant noodles! One of his favourite convenience foods. No wonder he has a stomach ache all the time. Interesting that he has red cabbage and I have white cabbage. Margarine, eh? That's interesting too. Don't know what the fuck marshmallow tea is, but it sounds hideous. Why cornflakes and not corn? And white wine is interesting too, as we use that sometimes in cooking (e.g. in my rice risotto). Caitie's test results: Food intolerances: A-Lactalbumin (a major protein found in milk and obtained from whey. Whey protein and milks should be avoided) Barley Chicory lettuce Coconut oil Coriander Cumin E 162 Beetroot red (betanin) E 479 Thermo-oxidised soya oil E 952 Cyclamate, Cyclohexane sulphamide acid (an artificial sweetener) Margarine Poppy Seed Rabbit Red kidney bean Rosemary Sweet Freedom sweetener Brown troutNon-food intolerances: Alder Aspergillus Niger (black mould that appears on fruit, vegetables and nuts) Buttercup Fox epithelium (skin) Pigweed Spelt Stinging nettleSo Caitie is intolerant to the protein in milk and Steve is intolerant to the lactose in milk... But I'm just intolerant to milk full stop. What the fuck? I'm definitely going to be sending them some questions.She's also intolerant to margarine, same as Jayden. And barley, which rules out beer.  You know, I think between all of us we have ruled out everything we use to flavour food, except salt and pepper. Basil, bay leaves, cumin, garlic, onion, thyme, cloves, rosemary, cardamom and coriander! Holy shitballs. The test recommends you eliminate all the foods on your list for eight weeks, then slowly bring them back one by one, allowing two weeks between each reintroduced foods to check for any symptoms. Any that trigger symptoms are removed again. There's simply no way we can cook meals as a family and eliminate everything on all four of those lists. What the fuck are we going to eat? Red meat and potatoes? I'm thanking my lucky stars that I didn't have nectarines on my list. Those are my favourite fruit. And Jayden didn't have apples or tomatoes which are his favourite. Oh, I guess I should take the noodles out of the box of groceries I bought him for Christmas.  Oh, and I can still have my Sprite Zero.  Caitie can easily avoid red kidney beans, although she loves chilli. We can just use a different bean. Although obviously not chickpeas as Steve's intolerant to those. He loves hummus, so that's a bummer for him. There are definitely aspects of the results that make me think the tests are accurate. Steve's milk intolerance, my intolerance to penicillin and grass, Jayden's intolerance to noodles... But man, how can we possibly eliminate all those things? Mum suggested we start by eliminating only the things we're 90% intolerant to or more. But that doesn't actually narrow it down a lot. The test results have a red dot next to the foods that you're 95% or more intolerant to, so maybe those are the ones to worry about. Although that's still a LOT. The current plan is for me to print out the test results, and we'll sit down with the kids on the weekend and talk through them and decide what we want to do. Interestingly, these were the things that we were 100% intolerant to: Steve: Chickpea E 440 Pectin, amidated pectin SpeltElle: MilletJayden: NoodlesCaitie wasn't 100% intolerant to anything. Only time will tell how transformative these results are. They were certainly interesting though! My sister is keen to do the tests too. They have a help desk and say they'll answer all your questions, so here's what I want to ask: 1. Why does my test say 'milk' whereas Steve's says lactose and Caitie's says milk proteins. What is it about milk that I'm intolerant to? 2. How come I'm intolerant to olive oil but not olives? 3. How come Jayden is intolerant to cornflakes but not corn? 4. How do instant noodles differ from other forms of pasta? Why is Jayden not intolerant to all pasta? 5. How come Jayden is intolerant to white wine but not white grapes or red wine? |
| What is something that most people misunderstand or wrongly assume about you? ~ "30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS" People assume I'm an extrovert. People who get to know me in a professional capacity usually assume I'm an extrovert. I guess I'm loud, although I don't really see that aspect of myself. I know I have a loud laugh when I give in to it. I usually just smile, but if something really makes me laugh, or if I'm startled into laughing, my laugh is quite loud. I know that my older sister and I have the same laugh, and her laugh is loud and always makes me want to laugh too. I'm always the one who has to ask the awkward questions. Like 'Elle, ask the boss if we can do Christmas lunch on a Friday in town instead of a Saturday night thing like he's organised'. So I do. And so people don't think of me as shy. Not that I categorise myself as shy, because I don't think I am, but I become the office spokesperson. I organise social things, like we recently did a company pot luck dinner with a singalong, and I organised that. And I'm saying 'Now you're doing this and this, and you're doing that, and now it's time for the singing, come along people!' and so people think I'm extroverted. In actual fact, I just love organising things. When it comes to functions, I'm often considered the hostess, so it's my job to meet and greet people (I did this for seven years running at Oktoberfest for one company I worked for) and then I run around and make sure everything's working as it should. I liaise with the staff doing the catering, etc., and make sure I ask people who are looking lost or whatever if I can help. If people come up and talk to me, I can engage with them in small talk. Also, I can do public speaking. In one job I had to give a speech on behalf of the social club committee to more than 200 staff and their partners. A lot of people, especially introverted people, can't do that kind of thing.My family think I'm extroverted. I know I'm loud when I'm with my family. I wouldn't say I'm the loudest or the bossiest, because I think that actually my sisters and I are all quite alike when we get together. More so the elder one and I. The younger one isn't as loud, although I think she can be the bossiest. Going back to the idea of walking up to people and asking them questions, I have a distinct memory of my mum and my elder sister 'volunteering' me to go up to people to ask if the table near them was free or not. I get volunteered for that kind of thing. And obviously the public speaking. If I hadn't given a speech at my younger sister's wedding, no one from our family would have. It's not like they would have done if they'd been the only option, nope, there just wouldn't have been a speech from our family. Well, Dad would have done one, but he wasn't there. He did a speech at my wedding. I don't remember if he did one at my elder sister's wedding or not. Probably. Dad has no problem with public speaking either, but I think he IS an extrovert. Well, maybe. Actually, I'm not sure. Maybe he's like me.What I find truly hard is going up to people with no purpose. Just to make friends or socialise or make small talk. I can't just waltz up to people and say "Hi, I'm Elle. And you are? Nice to meet you. What are we talking about? Did you see that recent sporting event?" I can't do that. I have to have a purpose in talking to them or it doesn't happen. If I go to a party and I don't know anyone, I'll literally stand on the sidelines and watch. And if I'm with someone I know, I'll shadow them all night. Poor Steve. It took me a long time to understand that being introverted doesn't mean being shy, and being extroverted doesn't mean being loud and outgoing. Although obviously those stereotypes are true in some cases. Steve and Caitie are both loud, outgoing extroverts. Neither Jayden or I are shy, but we're both introverts. We both crave alone time. We're happiest with our noses in a book. Sometimes I think back and wonder how my parents could possibly think I was extroverted when I used to go to my friends' houses and read their books instead of playing with them. But the truth is, I had two sisters who were VERY shy (like painfully so when we were kids) and I wasn't shy at all, and so the contrast made me come across as quite extroverted.I've taken to describing myself as a 'loud introvert'. I said that to a recruitment interviewer once and she thought that was hysterical.  |
| There are 45 days remaining in the year. What do you want to do or accomplish before 2019 is over? ~ "30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS" Well, I've done all my Christmas shopping now, except for adding fresh apples and fresh tomatoes to Jayden's box of groceries. And of course I have everything I need for my sister's birthday which is in two weeks. I still haven't figured out what to get the other sister whose birthday is in the first week of January. I have three weeks off over the Christmas break. I'll spend the first few days preparing for Christmas. We have my dad, Steve's parents and our neighbours coming for Christmas dinner, so we need to make sure the place looks presentable. Boxing Day will be at Steve's parents' place of course. Then I have a few things I want to work on. I particularly want to make progress on the storage of my photos. I'm moving them all from Amazon Drive to OneDrive. Then I need to install Adobe Bridge and start managing them. That means naming files, updating dates and locations, and tagging photos with the people in them. It'll make it soooo much easier to find photos in the future. That's going to take me ages, and it's the one thing I really want to do. Part of that includes finishing photographing/scanning all my memorabilia. Before Christmas break though, I want to finish putting together some family history information for two of the guys I work with. One is my boss. I started doing some research into their family trees (one of them asked me to, but I'm surprising my boss) and I want to put the information down on paper, which is the really time-consuming part of it. So yeah, there's that. I would like to do some more work on the family recipe books. I'm working on the second one now, Baking. I think that's the most of it. No doubt I'll think of more things once I've posted this entry and then I'll be all 'Why didn't I think of that first?!' |
| Write your entry today inspired by one of the emotions listed on the webpage 15 Words You’ve Never Heard Describe Emotions We All Feel But Can’t Explain ~ "30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS" Zenosyne: (n) The sense that time keeps going faster A few years back (maybe five?), Mum realised that the time she had to spend with her grandchildren was running out Not because she was getting older, but because they were. Because all too soon, they wouldn't want to spend time with their grandmother. She instigated monthly board game evenings where we'd all play board games together. We took turns choosing the game we'd play, and the parents (my sister and myself) kept buying new board games for us all to try. We were a bit board game mad for a while! Then I invented the Song QuizTM and we started playing that exclusively. I've written about that time before in "Invalid Entry" . Sure enough, the time came when Jayden no longer wanted to participate in family get-togethers. If we went to Mum's or Dad's, or to my in-laws', he'd stay home. If they came over, he'd stay in his room. He stopped eating dinner with Steve, Caitie and I this year and started going out at night (presumably to the e-cafe, but who knows). He generally sleeps all day and stays out all night, unless he runs out of money, then he stays home. He's currently run out of money, and despite it being weeks since he finished his job, has yet to file for the unemployment benefit. He is supposed to pay board tomorrow and I know he has no money to pay it. He has an appointment with Work and Income New Zealand (who manage social welfare and unemployment benefits here) today at 2pm. But that's a whole other story and I've been distracted from my original point. We'd given up on 'quality family time' for intents and purposes. I did tell Jayden that he was expected to attend Spooks and Sparks with us, and that his attendance was required for dinner on Christmas Day, and on Boxing Day for celebrations at my in-law's. Other than that, he can do what he likes. And what he likes, apparently, is to avoid us as much as possible. But on Sunday night, we were all home, and Jayden (having run out of money) asked if he could eat dinner with us. We'd given up making dinner for him as it usually went uneaten, but we were having roast beef, and it was easy enough to make him a plate. So we all sat at the dining room table (we usually eat in the lounge) and everyone put their phones down, and we had a family dinner.  It was really nice. Then I suggested that since we were all there and all in good spirits, Steve and I could teach the kids to play Canasta. So we did. I paired with Jayden and Steve paired with Caitie. Steve and Caitie beat the pants off Jayden and me, but it was fun. First time we've done anything like that in a loooooong time.Monday night Caitie asked if we could play again, so we agreed. This time we played Samba in teams. Steve and Jayden, versus Caitie and me. I can't remember who won, actually. Was nice though. Last night Jayden went out (he came back at 2am) so Steve, Caitie and I played. I kicked butt because I got two sambas in one round, although on one round Caitie nailed it by going out before Steve or I even had points on the table. First time I've finished a round with negative points! It's funny how enjoyable it is just to play cards. I like games - board games, card games, trivia quizzes, everything. Steve's not a fan of board games, but he seems to like card games. Caitie has picked up Samba/Canasta so quickly. I wonder how long this phase of playing cards in the evening will last. Suppose it doesn't matter, we should just enjoy it while it does. It was definitely nice to spend some family time together without anyone arguing or getting grumpy at each other. I wonder if we're starting to turn a corner. Maybe not yet, but it did give me hope. Maybe these last few days have been a keyframe... Keyframe: (n) A moment that seemed innocuous at the time but ended up marking a diversion into a new era of your life |
| I am so behind in updating my blog. Last Saturday we went to Steve's parents' house for dinner. Steve decided he wanted to play cards (which we literally NEVER do) so we drove down the road, bought some cards, and they proceeded to teach me how to play Canasta and then Samba. I ended up paired with Steve's dad, and we kicked Steve and his mother's ass in the first game, and then they won the second. We were there until after midnight, which is crazy late for them, but we had a lot of fun. We decided to buy his parents a Canasta card set (they have the scores on the cards which is super helpful) and some card holders for Christmas. That was awesome, because I'd been struggling for present ideas for them. On Wednesday I had another migraine with aura. It was literally a week from my first one. Is it something about Wednesdays?? It hit me about 5:30-6pm. I was more attentive to it this time. Although the sparkles in my eyes seemed definitely only on my left, I could see them in the corner of my eye if I only had my right eye open, which means it was definitely NOT a retinal migraine and is therefore my brain not my eyes causing the sparkles. The sparkles lasted close to a full half hour. I was really struggling to describe them, then my sister said her boss had one the same day and described the sparkles as 'holographic tape' and I was like 'YES!' I was trying to think of 3D diamond patterns or something, but holographic tape is exactly what it looked like.  I also noticed a buzzing in my ears. Kind of like the buzzing you can hear from some electrical devices sometimes. The buzzing lasted the same amount of time as the flashy lights. I don't remember the buzzing from the first one. I tried to think of any factors (other than it being Wednesday!) that might have triggered it. I'd had several crappy dinners in a row and gone to bed hungry a couple nights before Wednesday. Perhaps not hungry per se, but I woke up hungry. I also had shit sleep according to my sleep app. So these were my scores for the week of the first migraine: Monday - 77% Tuesday - 84% Wednesday - 97% (went to bed early and had taken painkillers) Thursday - 79% Friday - 87% Saturday - 71% Sunday - 91% So no obvious pattern of sleeplessness prior to the migraine. And this was this week: Monday - 61% Tuesday - 68% Wednesday (fell asleep reading my book in bed so didn't turn my sleep app on) Thursday - 77% Friday - 84% Saturday - 100% So clearly Monday and Tuesday I had less sleep than normal. So on Wednesday I would have been tired. Not sure if that contributed or not, considering it doesn't appear to have contributed to the first one. I remember having a sore neck and shoulders, and being frustrated because I have stopped carrying a handbag specifically to try and get rid of that. I've started just carrying my phone, which has my bank cards in the phone case. It means less weight on my shoulder. But I'd figured that when I was still having issues, it must actually be my workstation setup at work, and I've raised my chair to see if that helps. But the soreness may be either a sign of an impending migraine or a contributing factor. 'Tiredness and insufficient sleep, shoulder or neck tension, poor posture, and physical overexertion have all been linked to migraines.' ~ www.medicalnewstoday.com I don't think I was dehydrated, but I had been having Sprite Zero. I wonder if I need to cut out the Sprite Zero. Maybe the artificial sweeteners are a factor? I've always been told they're bad for you. 'Artificial sweeteners have been linked in anecdotal reports to a variety of health problems for more than 30 years. But one of the more mysterious reported side effects is also among the most commonly mentioned, headaches. Migraine sufferers are often known to steer clear of sweeteners, if only to be on the safe side, and there is no shortage of medical Web sites spreading the claim. But according to various studies, the anecdotal evidence does not exactly hold up. Since the 1980's, about a half dozen studies have examined the link, and a majority have discounted it. Most of those studies looked specifically at aspartame, found in diet soda and consumed by millions.' 'Further, the International Headache Society recently concluded that no link existed, said Dr. Brian Grosberg of the Montefiore Medical Center Headache Unit in New York. Migraine triggers, he added, tend to vary enormously from person to person. "Is this a myth?" he said. "No. It's possible it can be a trigger of some people's headaches, but it is not something that is generalizable to other people." ~ The New York Times I had been extra-sensitive to noise and lights ever since the first migraine. I distinctly remember turning off the car stereo on Tuesday night when Steve picked me up because I couldn't handle the noise even after I'd turned the volume way down. The sensitivity seemed to come and go though, and wasn't constant throughout the week. I do feel like the migraines I've had previously (without aura) had been worse in terms of headache pain and worse in terms of sound sensitivity in particular. These ones with aura aren't so vicious, but the aura are pretty freaky. Yes, there's definitely a headache, but although I've had to give up reading and go to bed early in both cases, I definitely felt like the pain wasn't as bad as I've had before. Quite interesting. I guess we'll keep evaluating if I get any more! Steve said that one night in the week (I forget which) I was boiling hot in bed. I'm usually cold in bed, and tend to snuggle up to Steve, which he finds frustrating because he then over-heats. But he said I was so hot I was 'like a roast potato in the oven'. *shrugs* He speculated that maybe the migraines were linked to early-onset menopause and I was having a hot flush. Then he said that when I'd had my tubes tied, the doctor had warned that there was a small chance that I'd have early-onset menopause because I'd had the procedure done. I don't remember that, but a Google search does show that there is a very small percentage of women who appear to have early-onset menopause after a tubal ligation. Friday night I was having drinks after work, and I was literally sweating, sitting there in the office, and I remember looking at the guy across from me thinking 'He looks cool as a fucking cucumber, and I'm dripping sweat here!' So maybe Steve's on to something there. Only time will tell. I did read in my first lot of migraine research that menopause (while it lasts) worsens symptoms in people already prone to migraines. Anyway, I'll keep you posted! On Saturday Steve and I were having breakfast and decided we wanted to play cards again. Steve decided to go to Whitcoulls and see if we could find some actual Canasta cards. Not only did we find some, but they were a third cheaper than the ones I'd bought online for Steve's parents for Christmas! Oh well, at least now we have a set too. We went round to Steve's parents' and played Samba again. Steve's dad and I lost pretty convincingly, and his dad sulked. Then I cheered us up by playing David Armand videos on their TV.On Saturday night we went to Spooks and Sparks. Caitie took a friend, Amy (because we get an extra child for free with the family pass I buy). It was a good night. Fireworks were good. Set to 90s electronica kind of music. Like what Steve used to dance to in the clubs. I didn't have any noise or light sensitivity (and haven't since Wednesday) so that was lucky! I looked over a couple of times during the fireworks and Jayden had his head in his phone. Fucking teenagers. He tried to convince me that he watched 99% of the fireworks and it was just bad timing when I looked over at him. Whatever.On Sunday afternoon, Mum and my elder sister came down. The plan was to do some indoor photography (the weather was shit) so they brought flowers, baskets, vases, vegetables, teddy bears and Christmas lights with them. It was a bit mad, but we made it work. My challenge at 52Frames this week was 'depth of field' and I managed to get a shot I could use for that.  It's actually not as sharp as I would like it, but oh well. That's the best one I had on the day. On Sunday evening, Jayden ended up joining us for dinner, which is a rare occurrence indeed these days. I literally can't remember the last time we all ate dinner together. I suggested we teach the kids how to play Canasta/Samba, so we paired up (Elle/Jayden, Steve/Caitie) and played two hands of Canasta, with Steve and I teaching the kids as we went. Jayden and I lost thoroughly, but it was an enjoyable evening. The first quality family time we've had in a long time. We definitely need to buy some card holders though! |
[Embed For Use By Upgraded+] There are all sorts of things that I should probably be worrying about and working on. My life is far from perfect. And yet, today I feel happy. Sickeningly optimistic. Cheerful. All those terribly upbeat words. Tonight we have drinks after work. I have to pop out at some stage and buy nibbles (cheese, crackers, chips, etc.) at the boss's request. Tomorrow night we're going to Spooks and Sparks, which is an annual fireworks display for Guy Fawkes, where all the kids dress up for Halloween. Yep, we just combine the two. We've been going every year for a few years now (six years?) and we love it. The fireworks are the biggest display in NZ each year, and it's half an hour of non-stop epic fireworks and it's all set to music. One year it was Katy Perry, one year it was Queen, one year it was ACDC and Guns N Roses. Brilliant. And even better, everyone in my little family enjoys it, even Jayden. It's so rare to have anything that we all enjoy these days, so I make the most of it when I find something.On Sunday, hopefully, I'll be catching up with my mum and elder sister to do some photographing. Not sure if we'll go to Western Springs or not, but we'll go somewhere. That's the plan. We're going to try and get together for photography outings more often now that the weather has improved. I love summer.  Are we officially in summer now, or still in spring? Ah, who cares? The sun is shining, that's the main thing.I was typing up an 'index' to my WDC portfolio and realised I haven't written a short story since 2017. I read back through some of my work though. I actually really enjoying reading my own short stories. If "Invalid Entry" was a book, I'd have bought it already. I really wanna read that! But I haven't written it yet. I should see if I can write some more of it. I literally have no idea about what happens next, it was just a scene, but I love it. I don't care whether anyone else thinks it's good or not, I really enjoyed re-reading it.We're making plans for Christmas. Our neighbours asked us whether we were hosting Christmas dinner again, so we checked in with family, and the answer is yes. So Christmas dinner at our place, with the neighbours, my dad and probably Steve's parents. Then on Boxing Day we'll spend the day at Steve's parents' house with his extended family and my mother and elder sister. Will be lovely. Last weekend my in-laws taught me how to play Canasta and Samba. We had such a great night. It was Steve and his mum versus me and his dad, and my team led for most of the night although if I remember rightly, they beat us right at the end. It was so fun. The wine may have helped, but still... We were just using regular playing cards and his mum was saying that they wanted to get a proper Samba deck and card-holders like her brother had. So I ordered the Samba deck, some card-holders and a battery operated automatic card shuffling machine. Christmas sorted! I said to Steve we should add some wine, cheese and crackers, and call it 'everything you need for a great night of Samba'. I can't think of anything else to throw in there.I thought of doing a gift basket/box for Jayden too. So far I have bought him some shirts (I think I bought six) and a novel. I thought about buying him a bunch of the grocery items that he really likes and making up a big box of food for him. He's supposed to be buying his own food now, so I thought he'd appreciate that. So far I've thought of adding: fresh tomatoes (he loves these, but obviously I can't buy them too far in advance) fresh apples some meat pies (which will have to go in the freezer) some Coco Pops breakfast cereal tinned baked beans tinned spaghetti tinned tuna (sundried tomato flavour) tinned tomatoes (various flavours) tortellini (tomato and basil flavour) (these don't need refrigeration) canned pumpkin soup canned tomato soup Eclipse spearmint breath mints corn chips dried seaweed snacks Mother Earth baked oaty slices (afghan flavour)I've bought Caitie a plane ticket to go and stay with Steve's biological father and step-mother in Brisbane, Australia, which she doesn't know about yet. That's her main Christmas present. I may also get her some blank sketch books or sketch pads, and I'm thinking about buying her a new school bag. I'll have to be careful not to go overboard as her plane ticket will outweigh most of what I've got Jayden and I do try to keep it fairly even. I want to get Jayden some more books, but I have made the mistake before of buying him books he already owns. I've asked him to let me know which ones he has where he needs the next one in the series, so hopefully I can get him some that he actually wants that way.I've bought Steve a Scanpan knife set, which he will LOVE. Caitie went halves with me. He also needs some more cologne but if I buy him both he'll tell me off for spending too much. Maybe the cologne can be a birthday present in March.I have some scorched almonds for my Dad for Christmas (I give him these for every birthday and Christmas, with or without an additional present) but that side of the family aren't exchanging gifts this year so nothing else for them. I did buy some stuff, but I'll just give it all to my elder sister for her birthday in November. She'll be happy with that, and I know Mum will end up making use of it too since they share everything. My little sister's birthday is in January and I don't have any ideas for her yet. Will have to get thinking!! And I still need to plan what I want to do for my 40th. I really just wanna put on an epic playlist and dance all night, but I'm not sure that will work at my house. And I'm not sure enough people would come (I really don't have that many IRL friends!) to bother having it somewhere else. I could have it at the pavilion near my mum's house. That's quite a reasonable rent (I think it's $150) and her neighbours would join in and make up numbers and have fun. It's an hour away from me though, and might put off the few friends who may have otherwise come. Hmm.. I need to make a decision soon. The more notice people have, the more likely I'll get some people coming along. I'm leaning towards doing it at the pavilion. Maybe I can talk more with Mum when I see her this weekend. Can we really turn the music up? I want it loud. I want it like we've gone to a nightclub where the DJ only plays Elle's favourite songs, and just dance. Doesn't that sound awesome? I need to start putting together a playlist. *rubs hands together with glee* Let's face it, making up the playlist is half the fun. |
| This is a repost from my offsite blog because apparently I never shared it here. I wanted to review some of the information Rhonda sent me about ADHD and how that relates to Jayden. (With comments from Rhonda after I sent this entry to her) I've known for a long time that Steve is ADHD, although he's not formally diagnosed. He works hard, but when he's forced to take vacation, he tends to get antsy and fidgety. That's when you tend to see the hyperactivity coming out in a constant need to move. On a day to day basis, when he's working you can't tell. He kind of gets rid of the hyperactivity by putting that energy into his work. He told me once that he'd taken Speed (the recreational drug) as a teenager and promptly gone to sleep for 12 hours. That's a classic sign of ADHD. Apparently caffeine making you sleep is another one, but I don't believe any of us have that. On the flip side, I've never noticed any signs of caffeine making any of us more alert or jittery either, even Caitie. Rhonda  : It’s NOT that caffeine makes you sleepy it’s just that if we are tired, we can sleep in spite of high intake of caffeine or other stimulantsCaitie also displays what I consider 'classic' symptoms of ADHD, and always has. She's very fidgety and struggles to sit still. She talks a mile a minute and often talks to herself if there's no one else to talk to. We used to joke that when she was forced to be quiet, her 'motor' would turn off and she'd go to sleep. She was always going at warp speed or she was asleep, there was no inbetween. Rhonda : Yup pretty classic!So the idea that Jayden or I could have ADHD is a strange one. We're both (comparatively) quiet people who like to read and spend hours engrossed in a book or similar. Apart from Jayden, I'm the laziest person I know! If we can sit still and read for hours, how can we possibly be ADHD? That doesn't make sense! Does it? Well, Rhonda explained that you have to take out those parts where you're doing something that completely engrosses you, and evaluate the rest. So that's reading for both of us, and for Jayden, gaming. Apparently it's typical of a person to display atypical signs (e.g. the ability to be engrossed) when they're doing something they have a passion for or high level of interest in. She also said I had to discount coping mechanisms I've put in place as an adult. Rhonda : when you are so engrossed it’s actually an ADHD symptom called hyper focus. problem is we don’t get to choose what lights up the pleasure Center of our brain which is the trigger to hyper focus, so it can’t be utilized even when we desperately want to be able to hyper focus ...that’s not the criteria!So, with that in mind, I reviewed the list of symptoms for Inattentive ADHD with Steve yesterday. Note that I'm only looking at Inattentive ADHD which is 'a subtype of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder that often manifests as limited attention span, distractibility, forgetfulness, or procrastination.' This means that on the spectrum of ADHD, this is further away from the hyperactivity end and closer to the attention deficit end. Rhonda : Like so many medical diagnosis attention deficit is a misnomer we actually have too much attention we pay attention to everything hence our distractibility!1. Careless mistakes. 'A child with inattentive ADHD may rush through a quiz, missing questions he knows the answers to or skipping whole sections in his haste. An adult may fail to carefully proofread a document or email at work, drawing unwanted attention and embarrassment. If you tell yourself to slow down and pay attention, but find it mentally painful and physically uncomfortable to do so, this may be a sign of inattentive ADHD. Your brain is aching to jump to the next thing, and ultimately you just have to give in.' I don't feel like this describes me. I'm quite methodical and detail-oriented, and I don't feel like I have a tendency to skip ahead. I do speed read, but I'm also an excellent proofreader.  Rhonda : Elle, I suspect that you’re methodical in areas that light up your pleasure centre and you can hyper focus on but are you that way across the board??I do feel like this describes Jayden in a number of ways. As soon as I mentioned this to Steve, he said 'Yes!' Steve often feels like Jayden is skipping ahead because 'Jayden knows best' or because he doesn't listen carefully enough to instructions or because he thinks the instructions are unnecessary. We see this particularly with household chores, like doing the dishes. He'll just skip steps meaning the job is only half done by the time he's finished.  Rhonda : Yup, we also have a getter done attitude rush through to check it off as done without any attention to the quality of done. On the other hand if it falls into our hyper focus super power aka what I call our zone of genius we are meticulous just like your proof reading, the trick is to find a career path that is varied, is an area that allows for our zone of genius to shine, (people with adhd tend to have high IQ) so we can shine. Many people with adhd who are not entrepreneurs are in the art and entertainment world, innovators or they work in ER’s, paramedics, police, fire ... same job every day but never boring same old same old..Plus we are born risk takers!2. Short attention span. 'Unfinished classwork, half-done art projects, and incomplete reading assignments are all hallmark signs of attention problems in students. Adults with inattentive ADHD despise boring work meetings 10 times more than their colleagues, and need to be chewing gum, sipping coffee, or even standing during meetings in order to sustain their attention throughout. If you are consistently frustrated by your inability to make it through long documents, stay focused in meetings, and see projects through to completion, that could be a sign.' The half-finished classwork, half-done projects and incomplete assignments are all me. Always have been. The only year I had trouble at school was 6th form (when I was 16) and that's because we didn't have any exams - I had to pass based on the completed assignments I did, and I never completed my assignments. I'm quite a patient person, so long meetings don't bother me, but I do have a tendency to zone out and daydream if I'm not interested. I also have an old habit of jiggling my leg when forced to sit still for long periods, which used to drive my mother crazy. I also tend to click my pen on and off during meetings which drives colleagues crazy, and I used to doodle in class at school. Actually, I remember my mother used to tell me off for swaying when I was forced to stand still, often asking me if I needed to go to the toilet. After I had Jayden, I was delighted to realised that it was 'socially acceptable' to sway with a baby in your arms. I also have trouble staying still when I go to bed. I'm constantly wriggling and rearranging myself as I wait to fall asleep. Drives Steve mental. Jayden always had real trouble finishing assignments and classwork unless he was really interested in it and then he finished in half the expected time (usually while in class). I haven't noticed whether he fidgets, but he definitely zones out and daydreams, something his teachers commented on often. Rhonda : Yup yup yup3. Poor listening skills. 'Students with inattentive ADHD typically get about half the instructions relayed to them verbally - if that. Their notebooks are filled with more doodles than notes, and they may need to record and listen back to lectures several times to absorb all of the information. Adults don't do well at cocktail parties. They interrupt others' stories with their own anecdotes, never remember names, and zone out about halfway through every conversation. If you're constantly being asked, "Weren't you listening?" or "Why am I wasting my breath?", that could be a sign of inattentive ADHD.' Oh god, yes. I have terrible listening skills. That's why I don't watch TV. If we watch TV or a movie, I'm constantly saying to Steve "What did they say?" Or I'll ask a question and he'll be "They just explained that."  I was awful at taking notes as a student, but thankfully I learned well by reading. And yes, I tended to have more doodles than notes. And yes, I'm fucking awful at remembering people's names. And yes, I zone out during conversations. I used to be ashamed of zoning out when my kids were chattering away when they were really little and telling me about their day after school. BUT...I do have a tendency to get frustrated with people if they go off on a tangent when I'm trying to steer a conversation in a certain direction. Like in a meeting, I can be good at steering everyone back to the topic at hand to get a decision and move on to the next point. A couple of weeks ago at work, I was talking about something and Peter kept going off on tangents and I'd keep bringing the conversation back around. My boss said 'You'd make a good lawyer, always keep the conversation on track.' But it's not because I don't go off on tangents. Anyone who has read my blog over the years knows that I do. But it's because I was impatiently waiting for the answer and trying not to be rude about it! Rhonda : Yup yup, hurry up and make your point or my inner squirrel will be running off in a million directions. No shame we can’t help it!The number of times I've heard Steve say to Jayden things like "Why am I wasting my breath?" or "Are you even listening?" So many times. So many. He definitely zones out in conversations. He never heard oral instructions at school, constantly missing information that other children had, like when an assignment was due or how to do it. He will respond to questions, like if you say 'Did you hear me?' he'll answer 'Yes', but when you ask him to repeat everything you just said, he'll be all 'Uh, um...' He is a terrible listener. Rhonda : Now that you know this, short instructions, no unnecessary stories or illustrations to make your point and then he has a chance at listening and following through.4. No Follow-Through. 'For children and adults alike, inattentive ADHD can manifest as a million projects lying around the house in states of completion - the vegetable garden that got planted but never watered; the new organization system that was assembled but never used; the abandoned sheet music for the piano lessons started and then ditched after a few tough months. If you love to plan and start projects but get sidetracked and leave a trail of unfulfilled promises in your wake, that could be a sign of inattentive ADHD.' Holy shit, that couldn't be any more me if it tried. Wow. Okay, so you all know about my many unfinished projects. There's a reason I call myself the Queen of Unfinished Projects. But you may not known that I started a Bachelor of Medical Laboratory Science and never finished it. I started a Bachelor of Arts and never finished it (thankfully I dropped that one before I actually paid for any of the classes/lectures I attended). I started a Bachelor of Education (Primary) and never finished it. I started a Bachelor of Communications and never finished it. Are you seeing a trend? Rhonda : Yuppers you are so not alone!Jayden doesn't have the history I do, but he's starting down the same path. He dropped out of school to do an NCEA Level 3 course in Hospitality, and didn't finish it. He starts writing stories all the time but never finishes any of them. His room is just covered in screeds of paper where he's started stuff and then abandoned it. Rhonda : Yup, again not our fault, our interest is fleeting and we hyper focus spend crazy amounts of time and then hummm our squirrel is satisfied..so long drawn out things almost always end up incomplete. Better to block time to allow a project start to finish or find other ways to use gamification to keep and hold our interest!5. Disorganization. 'Lost your phone again? Your keys? That report that's due tomorrow? Since we're often thinking about something else when we're putting down important things, inattentive adults are prone to the worst of ADHD's hallmark disorganizational symptoms. Our homes, cars and work spaces often look like tornado just hit them - which can fill inattentive adults with a crippling amount of shame.' Uh, yes. Yes, yes, yes. At my last job, I had to take my laptop home with me every day. I literally had to leave it in my car overnight (with my car locked, obviously) or else I would forget to take it with me to work the next day. I've lost so many things in my time, it's not funny. And I've never had a tidy desk or bedroom. Never. I've had to learn to be more organised with things I value or that are necessary for work purposes. I still lose stuff though, even when I'm trying hard to be super organised. This is why I pack my suitcases a month before I have to fly! As for Jayden, oh god, yes. He's lost his phone, his keys, his passport, so many times. Once Twice he left his whole bag on the bus. He's washed his wallet numerous times. He's constantly losing things and he has no idea where anything is in his room. Rhonda : Sigh ... yup!6. "Laziness" or "Apathy". '"He could pay attention if he tried." "She's just not dedicated - that's why she misses so many deadlines." Unfortunately, inattentive symptoms make us look lazy or uncaring, especially if the ADHD is undiagnosed or hasn't been disclosed. Without treatment, we're prone to losing jobs and friends - or even developing a hard and bitter persona as a defense mechanism. If everyone's pinned you as lazy your whole life, it's easy to start to see yourself that way too.' Weeeeellllll.... I'm pretty sure I am actually lazy. But yeah, my school reports always said 'Has potential, must try harder.' I'm not sure about this. But given that the only criteria is that people think you're lazy or don't care, I guess I'll say yes. I've always been considered lazy, and I do see myself as lazy. But I suspect I am actually lazy, so... Fuck, I don't know. Yes? I have used the word 'apathetic' to describe Jayden soooooo many times! Rhonda : It’s what creates low self esteem, self confidence etc. In kids/adults always being told we could do/be better...not our fault it’s our wiring and once we know it we can work with it instead of against it!7. Bermuda Triangle Syndrome. 'Everyone misplaces their car keys or phone from time to time. People with inattentive ADHD trade stories about finding their glasses in the freezer and the frozen peas in their purse. They tend to misplace the essential things they need for living - keys, wallet, backpack, sports equipment - on a daily basis. If you have found that you need a "launch pad" near the door to ensure you don't forget your phone, and couldn't live without the locator device attached to your key ring, that could be a sign.' I feel like this one is the same as #5. Disorganisation. Losing stuff all the time. Aren't they the same things? Rhonda : AgreedAs I already mentioned, I have a tendency to misplace things, but I don't think I've ever put anything in the fridge when it belonged in my handbag. I have seen both kids do that before! But yes, I definitely need to put the 'important things' in a particular place so that they're there when I need them again. I learned that the hard way over a number of years. My handbag now goes next to the dining room table every day when I come home. My phone and glasses always go on my bedside table. And if someone says 'Remember to bring such-and-such tomorrow' you can bet I'll forget if I haven't set an alert in my phone (or even sometimes if I have!). I have to set alerts on my work computer for all sorts of things, including basic daily tasks like turning on the dishwasher before I leave or checking the mail. These are coping mechanisms I've established because I forget things and lose things. As for Jayden, yes, yes, yes. As I always mentioned, he's constantly losing things. We still haven't found his passport from the last time it was lost. He alleges that he gave it to me for safe keeping. 8. Distractibility. 'Inattentive adults are dreamers, doodling on their notes during a big meeting or studying a fly on the wall while their spouses are asking about bills. Often nicknamed "space cadets" or written off as flaky, many people misinterpret their lack of focus as lack of interest - and can get frustrated by their inability to pay attention, especially when it's important that they do so.' I was definitely a daydreamer at school. 100%. I've learned to pay more attention as an adult, but I do still have a tendency to zone out. I've learned to keep my mouth shut when it's inappropriate to ask random questions or share random thoughts - like during work meetings, during sex or in the middle of someone's tale of woe. Rhonda : Yup Jordie used to count snow flakes, leaves falling and raindrops because she was so not interested in math at school...lolFor Jayden, 100% yes. It's incredibly frustrating to be talking to him and he'll be like 'Did you know that penguins have knees?' (Thanks for that tidbit of knowledge by the way, Rhonda!) He calls them 'shower thoughts' which is a phrase he learned on Reddit, but they splurt out of him at all sorts of inappropriate times, most especially when Steve or I are lecturing him or imparting important information. 9. Forgetfulness. 'How many times have you missed a doctor or dentist appointment in the last year? Inadvertently stood up friends for lunch? Joined a conference call 20 minutes late? These are all common occurrences for adults with inattentive ADHD, who struggle to pay bills, return friends' messages, and send out birthday cards on time. This may be perceived as rudeness or laziness, but this behavior is rarely done on purpose.' A big, fat, adamant YES. I'm always running late or forgetting that things have been scheduled or are due. I have to put everything into my calendar on my work computer or my phone, with alerts. I literally had my talk with Rhonda a week late because I forgot that it had been scheduled for the previous weekend. This is so Jayden. He has missed more appointments than he's kept, because he forgets about them. And forgets when assignments are due, that sort of thing. Very much yes. Rhonda : Yup, next time we chat remind me to talk to you about the ADHD issue with time...because time does not exist for us as it does other people which contributes to the memory issues as well.All that information was taken from {x-link:https://www.additudemag.com{/x-link}ADDitude{/x-link}. I took their self-test and it says that a score of more than 51% suggests ADHD. I scored 65%. I think I would have scored more highly if the questions had been worded slightly differently. Like, I don't have trouble relaxing, but I do have trouble turning my brain off at night, which Rhonda said was pretty much the same thing. When I took the self-test specifically for women, I got 69%. I took the self-test at Totally ADD.com and got 7 out of 9 on the inattentive section. That was easier, because they offered some differently worded alternatives for each question and you just answered yes if any of them applied to you. For hyperactivity and impulsivity, I scored 5 out of 9. I don't tend to interrupt people, but that's more politeness than anything else. I sometimes get impatient for people to finish their story so I can tell mine, but I don't rudely interrupt. I also don't tend to pace or walk quickly (I'm actually a very slow walker) but I do tend to fidget or bounce my leg or tap my toes or whatever. And I think overall I'm incredibly patient, like I would have said it's a characteristic of mine. But partly that because I daydream or am distracted by other things, so I'm not just sitting patiently doing nothing, I'm off in a world of my own, or I'm reading a book. *shrugs* Anyway, it was interesting. I'd like to explore it some more with regards to Jayden, and whether this information can help us help him. If we can use this information to help him understand his own behaviour, help us understand his behaviour, and help him put coping mechanisms in place, that would be awesome. Maybe then Steve won't get so frustrated with him, Jayden won't be so hard on himself and he can become the independent young man that we all want him to be. Rhonda : Once we understand ourselves, and our kids...why we are the way we are...then we can use that knowledge to set ourselves up for success! |
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