I really like this as is but I share some thoughts:
Now go the hell away. Very good use of this line. I'd make it the title unless a specific event or place comes to mind. Like "Workshop, May 32nd, Highway-to-Hell, Nevada".
I'd find active verbs for each use of 'is' and replace each 'the'. Like "May's sky screams blue; Spring's sea blooms green". This provides a season and action, sound, something.
Could use a grammar check unless you like it as is. Grammar is less important in poetry; this isn't an essay. For a definite pause (like for rhythm) you can use an emdash instead of a comma like: "I kid you not — nature's obscene,"
To add "darkness" to it... this is that season...
Explorers with lost souls explore,
Search worlds they've never searched before,
They'll kid you not — forevermore,
Now go the hell away.
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.15 seconds at 5:53am on Dec 22, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
.
