Tales from real life |
| Well, if they're not true, they oughta be! |
| Reposted from Real Fake News: Trump Crime Family Moves Against Chicago Mob by staff reporter Rob N. Steele βYa got a nice little hellhole out there,β sneered Consiglieri Pam Bondi while putting the Chicago mob bosses on notice. βIt'd be a real shame if somethin' nasty was to happen to it. And youse mugs better give that a real good think. Cuz the nastiest SOB on the planet is comin' fer yez. There's only room for one Don in this country an' he ain't just a convicted felon and confirmed rapist. He's a lot worse than that, believe me!β βProtection is a DC racket,β explained Capo Kristi Noem. "And the Don don't like guys tryna stick their nose in his business. I ain't sayin' Trump is into the sex trafficking an' I sure ain't sayin' that's why Epstein hadda go, but a word to the wise guys, right? The Don's interests come first, an' we got the guns to back it up. I'll personally ICE anybody who doesn't get with the program. An' all the other so-called bosses better start payin' their taxes to the Don or their cities are gonna be next." βAn' it ain't just protection," smirked Underboss J. D. Vance. "Tariffs are a beautiful thing. Nobody does business on the Don's turf without he gets a taste. An' all a them MAGA suckers and losers don't got a clue. They just keep on borrowin' an' buyin' stuff while the banks kick back half the profits to the Don. And callin' it a loan write-off, that's yer criminal genius right there! And that Big Bunco bill is gonna be the biggest, most beautiful bust-out of all time. An' anybody who don't like it is gonna wake up in Uganda without a passport!" |