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Entries for various contests and challenges, as well as buffoonery and poppycock. |
| This is a place for me to write entries for contests and challenges, as well as general items of nonsensical contents. Although most of these items are short and condensed, they may one day become something more. |
| Sure, it's February 2, so it's Groundhog Day, not Woodchuck Day. But, since both woodchucks and groundhogs are the same critter, I think it's safe to refer to February 2 as either. Since I live in northern Minnesota, where there are a lot of woods, Woodchuck Day it is. Some misunderstand how Woodchuck Day works. The misguided individuals think that if you go into the woods on February 2 and a woodchuck chucks wood at you, we'll have six more weeks of winter. But that's not how it works. If someone goes into the woods any time of the year and woodchucks chuck wood at them, it's usually because the person is an asshole and the woodchucks just don't like them. Woodchuck Day works the same as Groundhog Day and has nothing to do with chucking wood or grinding ground. It's all about whether the furry critter sees its shadow or not. If the critter does see its shadow, we get six more weeks of winter, but if there is no shadow, we get an early spring. Here, we observe a local rodent named Wally Chucker. If Wally sees his shadow today, we have six more weeks of winter, which only those individuals who get wood chucked at them would be happy about. The rest of us would like an early spring. That's why we don't leave anything to chance on Woodchuck Day. To give Wally every opportunity to not be spooked by his shadow, we count on him sleeping in sound hibernation for at least another month or two. But with the weather being so unpredictable, we cannot solely count on Wally not waking before the Ides of March, and so we add in yet another guarantee of an early spring. And just how do we do that, you may ask? Well, get on with it, ask! Reader, "And just how do northern Minnesotans do that?" Writer, "We have the time set for five o'clock in the freakin morning, that's how." This far north, the sun won't even be close to breaching the horizon for another two hours and forty-two minutes, so there's little chance Wally will see his shadow; hell, there's little chance Wally will even be awake this damn early. That means there are three safety protocols in place to keep Wally from seeing his shadow; he's still hibernating, the sun won't rise for almost three hours, and it's so damn early, and Wally likes to sleep in. Yep, it's all, but certain Wally won't be seeing his shadow. It's currently six o'clock here in the Central Time Zone, and we had our prediction an hour ago. Guess what? That's right, Wally didn't see his shadow. We didn't even see Wally; he's still hibernating, and it's very dark out. I couldn't see a woodchuck unless it darted out in front of me whilst I was driving. Therefore, we'll be having an early spring here. It's like my dad always told me, well, not always, but on February first, he would tell me, "Son, if the woodchuck sees his shadow tomorrow morning at five, we'll have another six weeks of winter. But if Wally doesn't see his shadow tomorrow morning at five, spring will arrive in six short weeks." A proud member of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  "Reading soothes the soul, writing sets it free." T.J. |
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