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Thursday, Nov. 21, 2024

7:50am EST

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Seven Degrees Left of Center

by Dale Ricky

Rated: 13+ · Book · Personal · #2276168

September 2020 I experienced a non-cancerous brain tumor, its removal and a stroke.

Over time, the brain does heal. In the beginning, I didn't feel it ever would. There is a scare where the tumor used to live. The seizures are under control and no repeat of a stroke. However, I did have another heart attack. By the grace of God, I am still here.

The tumor, discovered in 2020, was located up and left from my brain's center about one inch and 7 degrees in an area responsible for coding and decoding language, triggering a condition called Aphasia. Removing the tumor was some kink of Lobotomy.

When asked how am I doing? I often reply, Seven degrees left of center.

This is my experience and feelings during the healing process.

Show Recent Comments

10 Most Recent Blog Comments:

Anni Pon

Oct 2, 2022 at 5:15pm
In response to "Writerhood"

Thank you for the update, I needed to be reminded of this too! As long as you are writing, you're a writer. You don't need accolades or somebody else to grant you Writerhood. I agree with Schnujo that you have a lot of talent, even if the words don't come quickly or easily right now.

You've come so far already! Reading this, it's hard to believe that you're recovering from brain damage and your speech therapist previously scored you at a 2nd grade level.

1 Like

Schnujo's Doing NaNoWriMo?

Oct 2, 2022 at 11:27am
In response to "Writerhood"

OH! I forgot to mention--WdC has a thing that will automatically prompt you to post a notice on the Newsfeed that you've written another blog post. I really encourage you to do that! It will help you get more readers. (At least those who have fanned you will see the notice.) Plus, I really want to keep reading your posts, but as you know (whether you remember or not

), I also have a brain injury, so I had completely forgotten about your blog.

I'm SUPER glad you tagged me or I might never have read another post again.

So, definitely use that thing that asks if you want to announce that you added a blog post. It will prompt me to read it.

1 Like

Schnujo's Doing NaNoWriMo?

Oct 2, 2022 at 11:24am
In response to "Writerhood"

Your story is encouraging, fascinating, and inspiring! I'm so glad you are a writer and are putting it down for the rest of us to enjoy and learn from.

"After surviving a brain tumor and associated misadventures..." You are DEFINITELY a writer! I love the phrases you use!

The words might not come as easily, but the talent is still there.

In case you haven't discovered it yet. WdC has "Invalid Item"

. I thought of it because you mentioned being knighted with a Quill.

Anyone can nominate stuff, so if you find things around WdC that you love, feel free to nominate them through "Quill Nomination Form 2024"

. Though if they are static items like poems or stories, they need to have been written this year. Things like blogs and contests and such just need to be active this year.

Be sure to read the rules, but they're pretty simple.

Wow! Your writing has REALLY come a long way from 2nd grade level!

That's amazing! I'm so happy for you because I'm sure that initial result was devastating!

You've grown and improved so much already! Imagine how far you'll go with regular practice and support from the WdC community!

Yep, you're definitely a writer because a writer's gotta write! Thankfully, you're a talented one as well.

Those two don't always land on the same person.

I TOTALLY love your ending here! "Not now. I write because I am a writer. Not because of a wish. If you pen your own words, you are a writer too. Just in case no one has told you." I'm SO GLAD I ran into you!

1 Like

Schnujo's Doing NaNoWriMo?

Sep 27, 2022 at 11:05am
In response to "Reasonable Suspicion with Plausible Deniability"

So interesting! Thank you! I do remember using "What's-His-Name" a lot and my supervisor telling me that was disrespectful. *irritable* Well, so is telling me I'm faking, so we're even.

I'm now wondering about the storage areas for proper verses uh, improper nouns, you know, plan, ordinary nouns.

Thanks for all the information you share!

Dale Ricky

Sep 27, 2022 at 9:59am
In response to "Reasonable Suspicion with Plausible Deniability"

My understanding is that Lethonomia only involves proper nouns. Early in my recovery, I missed so many words both disorders applied. My experience with Lethologica is decreasing as I practice writing. However, spoken word recovery is slower because the brain uses separate areas for coding and decoding verbal input/output than written input/output.

1 Like

Anni Pon

Sep 26, 2022 at 7:52pm
In response to "Vulnerable and Violated"

What an incredible story. I'm so glad that you survived all of this! And not just survived; It's amazing how far you must have come to be able to write about it so well. I will be following this for more!

1 Like

Schnujo's Doing NaNoWriMo?

Sep 26, 2022 at 4:03pm
In response to "Vulnerable and Violated"

Well, so that was your 1st word, huh? Your 2nd 1st word, but still, hilarious...except that you were trying to ask for prayer.

Look how far you've come! What an amazing journey and what an amazing opportunity to speak to the miracles of God!

Yes, you would have eventually gotten somewhat better, but I am 100% sure you wouldn't be where you are today if you hadn't had so many prayers and I hope that one day, you are able to stand up in front of your congregation (if you haven't already) and shared the miracles of your life. BTW, they'd make a pretty phenomenal book as well. Oh, look! You're on a writing website!

1 Like

Schnujo's Doing NaNoWriMo?

Sep 26, 2022 at 12:28pm
In response to "700+ First Dates"

Interesting that your scar hurting means you will have problems with verbal communication that day. I suppose that's helpful? But also frustrating. I don't know if this will help you, but when I've had what I call "bad TBI days" (traumatic brain injury, for those who don't know who may be reading these comments), I've found that sometimes going back to bed to sleep for a couple of hours will somehow magically help my brain reset...or so it seems. But then, I live alone, and as you are well aware, sometimes our own ability to notice what's wrong can be quite impaired. But, at least for me, sometimes it seems to help...or often it does, but only sometimes do I remember this trick of the brain.

I'm so sorry that you have trouble remembering all your grandkids, but I'm definitely glad you know to practice their names every day and to look at their pictures. That's really, really important, IMO. Good for you! It is good that you are so smart and resilient, though I'm sure you often don't feel like it. But an injured person who decides to simply lie down and die is much harder to deal with, especially if it's all emotional and their body doesn't actually die with their attitude. Your eternal efforts to keep going, keep fighting, keep getting better not only help you actually gain ground, but they also help your family and friends stay resilient. No one wants to be the only one fighting. If you stop for any real length of time, likely they will as well. I know it's not easy, but I'm glad you are, at least most of the time, able to stay strong and keep fighting. YOU ARE WORTH IT!

Schnujo's Doing NaNoWriMo?

Sep 26, 2022 at 12:19pm
In response to "An anniversary"

I'm glad you incorporate prayer into your healing process. Whether people want to believe in God or not, the evidence shows that people with faith tend to heal faster when they pray...and to live longer before they pass away if they do. Good for you! When I came back from Iraq, I returned with HORRIBLE survivor's guilt, so I didn't want to pray. I knew God loved me, but didn't want Him to. My healing journey might be much further along now if I hadn't spent several years hiding from God.

I LOVE that quote--Carry a light when soul-searching! AMAZING INSIGHT! And also, so very true!

I'd forgotten you wrote that, so I'm glad it came back up. Thank you!

Yeah, that whole "accepting the new normal" thing is horrible! I still haven't accepted mine.

But I think there are both good and bad parts to that. I do believe that we heal faster and better if we don't necessarily realize our limitations. Not saying that accepting them means they will never go away, but MAYBE they go away much more slowly...or at least that's what I like to tell myself when I'm busy not accepting my new normal.

Mind you, this new normal isn't all that new. My traumatic brain injury (TBI) happened 11 years ago now. And even a couple of days ago I discovered a new limitation I hadn't noticed before!

Though one good thing about the TBI is that I have a bad memory so that new limitation I discovered doesn't bother me anymore because I have already forgotten what it was.

I'm sure I'll redisover it again later. But in the meantime, it's probably better for me that I don't remember it.

WOW! "Always practice courage. One day you will need to be brave." So, your amazing quotes and insights are a genetic thing, huh? That is really profound! I LOVE IT! Thank you for sharing!!! "My Grandfather neglected to mention fear is the fuel for courage. My tank is full." Yep, that genetic talent is still inside of you, though it may be much harder to access these days. SO PROFOUND! THANK YOU!!!

Just a bit of information, there's this therapy called "Acceptance and Commitment Therapy" (ACT). I refused to do it when originally offered because I told my provider I didn't want to accept my new normal. Well, first, whether I want to accept it or not, it is what it is. Second, that's not exactly how the therapy was going to go, so I've since learned. We studied ACT in my social work program and after I learned more about it, I really regretted not doing it sooner. I think it can really help set me free from the bindings I've put on my own self. I'm currently doing EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) for traumas from Iraq. But after that, I think I'll embark on some ACT. It's good for me. I'll still have my problems, whether I address them or not. Not addressing them doesn't make them go away and out of everyone, I'm the one who suffers most from trying to run away from them. So, I need to take your grandfather's advice and practice some courage...or is this the time that I needed to practice for because now is when I need to finally be brave? Either way, I definitely need to stop doing just talk therapy and do some real work.

I know I keep saying this, but thank you for sharing your experiences and insights! I've learned so much about myself as well as you.

Thank you!

Schnujo's Doing NaNoWriMo?

Sep 26, 2022 at 11:59am
In response to "A defragmenting brain"

I'm so sorry you had to go through this!

After my brain injury, I was also easily overwhelmed by information. My doctor said that the part receiving the information was still working at normal speed, but the part that put the information together was damaged so it was like a factory that was getting backed up with parts and pieces everywhere until the workers couldn't work, even at their new reduced speed. I'd get overwhelmed and burst into tears. I couldn't handle music because of all the parts and pieces in it--keyboard, drums, guitar, bass, lead singer, backup singers, etc. It was all just too much.

I also would go to the store to buy something and come home without it, unable to make a decision. I couldn't choose a can of soup or a pair of shoes because the choices were simply too plentiful.

And keep in mind, this went on for years. I remember 4 years after the explosion, I went to the store, tried on 12 pairs of shoes and left with my frustrated cousin because I couldn't make a decision. I was having what I call a "bad TBI day." Though another day, I went and was able to get shoes after only trying on 3 pairs--same store, different day...a "good TBI day" when everything didn't overwhelm me.

I'm so glad you have so much family support, including your mother!

Before I even deployed to Iraq, all my family was gone except my brother and some cousins--no parent, no grandparents, no aunts or uncles. It's hard to go through all of this alone, so I'm very glad you have their support, though I know it also causes a great strain and frustration in your relationships. But they wouldn't go through it if they didn't love you.

But I also admit that I was doing so badly for a while, I was glad no one was around to see. Sure, it probably would have helped me heal faster and I likely would have gotten better medical care sooner, but I didn't want to upset them with how badly I was doing.

Over time, as my brain healed and as I practiced doing things I couldn't do like forcing myself to listen to music on short Uber rides instead of asking them to turn it off, I got better and better. I'll never be where I was and I still get overwhelmed with things, but I can now be around moderately fast music played at a reasonable level for an hour or more. Though aggressive and/or excessively loud music will still get to me a good bit sooner. But I can now go to parties, at least for a bit, and enjoy hanging out with friends for a time. I still sometimes have trouble making decisions, but now will come home with several of what I went to get instead of none. It's not a cheaper option, but at least I have what I need.

I'm so glad you have the love and support you do.

Thank you for sharing your journey! It's been enlightening and helpful to me as I continue to learn and understand my own.

November 14, 2024 at 11:45am

#1079936

Lost Thoughts

It is a Thursday, the beginning of another day. Each day is a new beginning. Today is Thursday.

One might think starting over each day is a blessing. I did at first. Now that time has passed. The new beginnings are getting old.

I can remember some details—the repetitive details of daily life. What I forget are the creative thoughts. Even using notes, each story lives only as long as the thoughts themselves. The daily repetitive thoughts will stick. A new idea has little chance. These few lines will only live for a short time. I can feel them fading as I try to type faster.

There are blessings in every day. Cherish them. And there the focus, concentration, and... and ... then it fades away...

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November 8, 2024 at 12:38pm

#1079672

Losing the good thoughts

This is my experience with short term memory lose. I loose the good thoughts. Like what I planned on writing today. I was excited and ready to hit the keyboard. Then it happened. The good thought vanished.

What makes it worse is days like today. I know, I know there was a good thought there. Not anymore. Today is when the frustration is strong and deep. Today is when I ask why do I keep trying to write? It is for the good thoughts. They don't always vanish. Sometimes. They stick around. So here is to those thoughts. The ones that get to stay.

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November 1, 2024 at 10:51am

#1079300

Scare around my ear

Well ... I did it again and waited too long to write an entry. I admit the depression really got to me again. Since those closest to me unintentionally treat me like I am broken. I start to believe it is true. Ok, it is true. The 8-inch horseshoe scare around my ear reminds me. Expressly today because it itches. I am trying to remember simple things, like this blog. The blog serves as a reminder that I am moving forward. For example, today, I had to read some entries to remember why I started.

I fell into the rabbit hole of depression and self-pity. This is a difficult hole to climb out of, more difficult when "the want too" is missing. So, I admit, "I haven't wanted too." Today is a new day, but not an epiphany day. It is just a day to reflect on my mindset. It is a day to admit I feel comfortable being broken—but in a good way.

How do I make this more positive? Well, maybe by admitting it exists in the first place. I cannot change the earthquake that rattled my brain, but I can change my reactions to the current status of healing.

First, Be grateful I am not in a room watching cartoons, drooling, and wearing a diaper.
Second, Be easier on myself. Learning to read and write is a process. A never-ending process.
Third, Stop trying to remember yesterday and live for today.

Three goals that seem simple. Right?
I have sent them into the universe. Like seeds in a garden, I need to nurture them to get them to grow.

Thank you for reading this blog and any prayers and positive energy sent this way.

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