In September 2019, a seizure revealed a lime-sized meningioma pressed against my hippocampus—the part of the brain that governs memory and language. The doctors said it was benign, but benign didn’t mean harmless.
Surgery removed the tumor, and three days later I opened my eyes to a new reality. I could walk, I could talk, but when I looked at my wife, her name was gone. I called her Precious—the only word I could find. A failure of memory, yet perhaps the truest name of all.
Recovery has been less cure than re-calibration. Memory gaps are frequent. Conversations vanish. I had to relearn how to write, letter by halting letter. My days are scaffold by alarms, notes, and calendars.
When people ask how I am, I don’t list symptoms or struggles. I simply say, “Seven Degrees Left of Center.” It’s not an answer—it’s who I’ve become.
Interesting observation. My creative writing period is first thing after rising in the morning. Whether I finish my story or not, the longest timeframe I can write is about an hour. It's as if my brain kicks off. An idea may occur to me during the day, which I'll jot down. But it seldom comes with an urge to write.
I usually feel the same way in between projects, especially since mine are often under a deadline. When I'm done, I spend the spare time in between catching up on my music. Do you like music? How does it affect your brain?
I can only imagine what you're going through with your surgery and that road to recovery. It sounds like recovery is more like a path through heavily forested woods, the path strewn with fallen limbs and leaves, and roots reaching up to trip you.
My own surgery (for kidney cancer) as traumatic enough, but while it preyed on my mind, it didn't 'play' with it. And I don't mean play in its kindest note.
Keep on writing. It may be all any of us really have. Best of luck with your recovery.
First, I love your Handle/Pen Name! Seven Degrees Left Of Center... Seeing your name just kind of made my day.
I think what you're going through is one of my biggest fears. Forgetting everything. I know, and hope you're doing better today than previous days, and that your memory is returning more and more each day. Losing your memory has to be a nightmare for you.
I can see you writing something that seems familiar, only to realize you've written this, or something very similar. I don't think I have a major memory loss, but I know I've started writing something only to learn I had already written, or something similar. Fortunately, it's usually something from long ago. Let's hope it doesn't get any worse for both of us, as we age.
I believe all ideas should be scribbled down as soon as one feels they're worthwhile. Even if it never gets past the rough idea, at least you'll have a record of it for future reference.
I completely understand the recalcitrant coffee pot situation and I, too, have swilled my share of hotel-based caffeine. That being said, don't let {suser:lilli_in_fl} catch you drinking it.
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