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My thoughts about things. |
| A place to put my thoughts about various stuff. |
| I say this every year, but how can it already be Christmas again? 2025 has felt like a roller coaster. I could sit here and worry about what 2026 is going to bring, but the truth is that whatever it brings, we will handle it. We always do. Life isn't easy, but it's not supposed to be. I remind myself that some of the best growth we see in ourselves is during the challenging times, not the relaxed ones. For now, I will enjoy the company of my family, cook good food, and reminisce about the ones who aren't here with us any longer. Merry Christmas    |
Instead of trying to come up with random things to blog about for a while, since it is driving me a little crazy and detrimental to blogging, I am going to use some help from Blog Harbor. Much thanks to Jeff  for the forum and prompts!Blog Harbor Prompt #24 - Who's your favorite fictional character and why? I thought this one might take me longer to decide, but as soon as I started thinking about the topic, it didn't take long at all. As it happens, my favorite fictional character is based upon a real person, but I stick with the fact that it's the fictional character that is my focus with no offense meant towards the actual person. Helen North Beardsley Yours, Mine and Ours (1968) Played by Lucille Ball I love the original version of this movie. It has always been a favorite, but as I've gotten older and have a family of my own, it stands out as the number one for me. I think it is because of the time period and the military part of it. The period seems like a simpler time, though I know that isn't really the case. No time is simple. The military aspect relates to my own marriage. Helen is my favorite character because of her resilience, capacity for love, and she's not perfect. I can't imagine being in that situation with that many kids, let alone back in that time frame. One of my constant works in progress is worrying about money. The amount it would take for a family that size makes my stomach hurt. I can understand her ability to keep it all together and the need to reconnect with another marriage. Kids depend on us, but we depend on them as well. Some of our best strength comes from having the responsibility of taking care of our children. It's not a choice (or shouldn't be). I've found things I didn't know about myself until I had to face them as a mother. Keeping it all together for them carries us forward. To be that young with that many kids, it almost feels like there would be no doubt as to getting married again. Needing the companionship, love and support from a spouse to help get through the days and years. It is a bonus that they fell in love with one another. In many stories, the main characters are either too perfect or too flawed. I felt that Helen had the appropriate balance. She was a role model for her kids, but we also saw her vulnerabilities. The girls helping her get the dress ready to go on her date with Frank. Fear of telling him about how many kids she has. When Phillip says he won't be good ever again because he doesn't want to die young like his dad. How she reacts with the Sister about Phillip having to use his legal name.  All in all, I just love the character. I can feel her strength and frustration and relate to her vulnerabilities. It was a Christmas movie for me at first, but now I watch it all year round. I did do some research and found out some interesting details about the real story versus the movie. (It was also a book prior to the movie. It was written by the real Helen North Beardsely.) As always, there were discrepancies between the book and the movie, but I still just love the movie version. An interesting and heartwarming detail that will stick with me (there are some that are sad) is that Lucille Ball met the real family and stayed in touch with them. She treated all of them with a trip to Disneyland. I'm thankful to have this as one of my favorite movies and have Helen's character to relate to when times are tough. |
| 'Twas the night before Christmas, And all through the house, Not a creature was stirring, Not even a mouse. Hmmm... thank goodness it is not yet Christmas Eve. It feels as though Christmas comes and goes faster each year. I know time doesn't speed up. It's me that gets busy through the year or holds too tightly to day-to-day life that makes it feel as though everything goes faster. As a kid it felt like the days stretched out and it took forever to get to Christmas morning. Now, it is here and gone in a blink. Throughout all of my life - even as a kid - I was the one stirring. The mice might have been asleep (outside in the barn, thankfully not in our house!), but I have had insomnia for as long as I can remember. It seems to run in the family because my dad had it as well. As a kid, it was the things that go bump in the night that kept me awake mostly. There were some nights I vividly recall tucking the covers around everything except my mouth (so I could breathe cool air) and just waiting out the night until morning would arrive. If only I could have had coffee in the morning, but it's frowned upon for kindergarteners to partake. Something about stunting your growth and heaven knows I'm already short. In my childhood home, my room was what used to be the attic and the only way down into the rest of the house was via a set of stairs that led directly into my mom and dad's bedroom. I know - poor mom and dad... and poor kids, right? Well, we did fine with it, somehow. No therapy bills for us. Seriously, I don't remember ever hearing anything inappropriate as a kid. Mom and dad were crafty about finding alone time elsewhere. The thing about this was that I knew not to go downstairs after bedtime because it might wake my parents. We all knew that dad had a hard time sleeping, so disturbing him would be rude and uncaring. Also, my mom got up at 400am to get ready for work, so again - not cool to wake her up. That meant I was pretty much stuck laying awake in my bed. There wasn't an option to get up and do anything because the noise would echo in the quiet old farmhouse. Now, most kids would likely have gotten a flashlight and read books. For some odd reason, this never occurred to me. I really, really wish it had. Maybe because we could never find a flashlight when we needed one anyway. Regardless, what I ended up doing was daydreaming, only at night. It was probably the start of when I would have random storylines pop up and run through my mind. They kept me busy and some of them even helped lull me to sleep for a time. I still do it now. It led to wanting to put those stories down somewhere.When I was young, I remember thinking I couldn't wait until I had my own place where I could just get up and write any time I wanted. Somehow, that has never come to be, even though I have had my own place for 26 years.  I never lived alone, so initially it was not wanting to wake my husband. Then, it was not wanting to wake the kids. Now, it is not wanting to wake the dogs. I know. Oh, for heaven's sake! But I console myself with the fact that a lot of my ideas do still pop into my head during my day/night dreaming.Insomnia hasn't ever really bothered me until these recent years. I could tell that it was beginning to affect my ability to concentrate during the day. With my dad having developed Alzheimer's before he passed away, I am keenly aware of trying my best to get good sleep now. Good sleep is essential to letting your body heal. It may be that hampering our body's ability to wash away the stresses of the day from our brains contributes to developing dementia. I don't know if it is an accurate conclusion, but I can see and appreciate the correlation between continuous mind fog and cognitive decline. So, I began looking into how to help myself sleep better. (Minus the glaringly obvious fact that not getting up every night for 30 minutes between 100am and 200am to take the puppy out for a break would probably help my cause.)  Eventually she will sleep through the night.  Please let it be sooner rather than later!One of the first things I did was evaluate my medicine. It hadn't occurred to me that the meds I am taking to help me feel better (high blood pressure, diabetes, etc.) could be causing some sleeplessness. Indeed, I did find that one of my medicines can result in lower melatonin. So, I started taking a tiny bit of melatonin occasionally and I have had positive results.  Go me!The next thing was how to help myself get to sleep when I am struggling. I don't know about anyone else, but most of my problem is that I can be dead tired and as soon as I get comfortable in bed, I am wide awake.  Why? Because apparently my brain thinks that is the best time in the world to solve every single problem I have ever had in the world. Seriously? Thanks, brain.  Here is a little trick I have been doing that has been helping. I think of a word and then think of words that begin with each letter of that word. When you get to the last letter, you use that word as your new word. Eventually, you fall asleep in the middle of it. It has really worked for me, I am glad to say. So... DIPLOMAT Double Important Photograph Laundromat Opulent Material Automatic Thermometer THERMOMETER Terminal Heliosphere And so on and so forth... It's such a simple thing to do but works for me when counting the proverbial sheep does not and never did. I guess I shouldn't be surprised that a technique that works for me involves words.  Although, I love math and numbers, too. It's just the sheep never worked.So, here I am hoping that maybe one day, I will be able to just get up and write when I can't sleep. That maybe the dogs will stay snoozing and not expect breakfast at 200am... I'm looking at the chocolate labrador whose tongue and tummy run her life.  Or maybe, I just enjoy the fact that even if I am spelling out words or dreaming up more stories, I am still lying in bed next to my husband during those times. I am more in love with him today than twenty-seven years ago when we got married, so I will take every second I can get to be next to him.  Here's wishing all of us a good night's slumber during this time of the year!    |
| We have a new puppy. We got her six weeks ago when she was 9 weeks old. She's a golden retriever and every bit as adorable as they always are. She has doubled in size and is just shy of four months now. She gets along great with our four-year-old chocolate labrador, though there was a lot of ear biting in the beginning. We tell our lab that she has it coming, since she did that to our other lab when we got her. Our family had said absolutely no more pets. We lost our ten-year-old lab on September 1st. He was the last surviving member of a set of pets we had gotten when our daughters were young. It was time for him, due to health issues, and I am glad that he isn't in pain any longer but letting him go was unspeakably hard and the end of an era for us in a way. Our household carried on with our one lab and two kitties, but it was so quiet. That kind of quiet that isn't there because of an absence of sound, but because of an absence of a family member. I still expect to see him ambling around a corner or hear him snoring from my husband's office. He drove me crazy because he never wanted to come in from outside, no matter the temperature and he was the only labrador I ever met that was picky about his food. But he was also so damn sweet and like a rock for our family. Even at 105 pounds, he still thought he was a lap dog for my husband. My husband is a strong man, physically, mentally and emotionally, but losing this best friend was devastating. It came amidst a set of health issues for him, as well. The void left by that big ball of fur and love was like a crater. How could a decade with him have already passed? It seemed like just yesterday we were bringing him and his brother home at five weeks old. So little that they each fit in one of my husband's hands. His brother, my best buddy, passed four years ago suddenly. That's why we have our chocolate bundle of chaos. We got her because our remaining lab wasn't eating after losing his brother. It was so hard to get her and yet so easy. She helped our lab and the rest of us heal. It took months for me to be able to snuggle her without hurting so badly for the one I had lost. But now, she is this huge part of my heart. She drives me batty and heals my heart again and again for the ones we've lost. So, six weeks ago, I broached the 'forbidden subject'. Let's get another puppy. With tears in all of our eyes, we came to the same understanding. We did need another addition to the family. And we found her. All golden fur and big brown eyes, fluffy butt and long tail that whips and wags without understanding of where or what it will knock over or smack. She is currently in her crate beside me. Sleeping, kicking and rolling this way and that, her big bunny back feet propped up against the wall of the crate. She is amazing. Just as amazing as every one of our other pets. She is smart and sassy and giving our chocolate lab all the attention that she has ever wanted. She endures the puppy nibbles and bites with an astonishing patience and always wants to be near her. It's still getting up at least once in the middle of the night to do bathroom breaks and listening to the nose-whistle protests as we approach naptime in her crate, but it's slowly getting easier. And though I repeat to myself that this is a crazy time to be taking this on when I'm approaching 50 and need more sleep, not less... I can't imagine life without her. It is in no way, shape or form easy, but it is so very worth it. Here's to having another bundle of fur to warm all of our hearts. |
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