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 |   Left-overs piled on hot rice and mixed. |
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https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bibimbap พีบิมบับ (pheebimbap) At home in Thailand we do something similar. At home, we make rice and top it with whatever we didn't finish from the last meal. I finally decided to use June 2022's entries for my responses to other bloggers' entries. I tend to do this daily anyways and post in my weekly 'catch-all' blog (added to every day} "Porthole"  .
Each entry to be brought to the notice of Ẃeβ࿚ẂỉԎḈĥ and StephBee when they are running the Bard Blog Contest. For bitem:981150 sponsored by huser:webwitch and huser:sgcardin |
| Pan gave me a make-over. And then he took photos! A couple turned out really good. It made him happy to use his camera, lights and 'mirror'. Make-up and photography cheer him up. But... I had to beg him to come look at two places near-by. Kangaroo and Aek Udon both have rooms. 4500/6000/8000/10000 baht. Lumphini is 6500. The problem is in the details, our relationship, visa issues, rental issues. The timing sucks. What do I want? To go to Malaysia or Cambodia for a few days. Cross by land, not fly. Rent for an additional 2 or 3 months. Basically kick the can down the road. But, I have to deal with Pannya, a landlord, Thai immigration... I'll miss Loy Kratung... not happy. I like local festivals but Pan seems oblivious and the expats seem disinterested and no one finds anything important enough to mention to me. The lack of enthusiasm is numbing. TV went on the fritz. I watch BL series here in Thailand. I don't have a TV in Montana and subscriptions are expensive. I can always watch on youtube... or not watch at all. In the series I watch I've noted how casting friends-in-real life helps build chemistry on the screen. Enemies to friends is a common plot arch. It was crucial imho in A Tale of Thousand Stars as Mix was inexperienced. Earth wanted him as a co-star and it was near-perfect. I highly recommend it. In "He's Coming To Me" Mes is the main character... and a ghost. It's essential to the plot. But mere adding a ghost is suspect imho. It does add something to Harry Potter though. 'Comfort Zone' A cottage, a cat, a window looking out at my garden. Traveling, however, provides movement and new experiences. I want both. But as to semantics... 'comfort zone', 'food', 'hurricane' etc. can be defined narrowly to the point of pedantry and totally miss the larger picture. To Lyn's a Witchy Woman in "Nov. 19th toilet fun and quotes" : I liked the food mentioned. Different foods here. I do add squash, carrots, potatoes and green papaya to my rice. I like sweets but my go-to is anything chocolate. I have a couple rubber duckies but no yellow-ducky stories. I grew up using an outhouse every August; but, again, no stories. Pan just got out of the shower and "attacked" me while I was writing this comment; but, nothing to share (wish I did  ). To ♥noVember tHiNg♥ in "Mini Review of The Crown and Gilded Age (Spoilers)" : Not all seasons/episodes/chapters/books are equal. I really like Harry Potter Book 4 but the movie was a disaster, imho. I detested Book 5 but the movie was much better. Staunton may have been better cast as Umbridge than Queen Elizabeth. Casting and writing can make it or break it. The ghost device in a docudrama would bother me. I don't have Netflick/HBO/Max/etc. so I probably will never see either. To Sum1's Home in "Los Angeles, Sixth Time This Year!" : I know that flexibility is a 'virtue'... I'm trying to practice that but it's hard when I'm on my own dime. Must straighten out lodging for December/January should I decide to stay here in Udon Thani. To renew my visa I may have to go to Cambodia or Malaysia... bad timing. Too bad we can't meet in LA. Staying put is an option but it may come with a one-year lease... not what I want. Having a home to come to is nice. My health is iffy but no surgery in sight. I'd like to keep it that way. Neuropathy, blood pressure and liver need to be checked. I don't want meds either, but may have to face that choice. Carpal tunnel would limit my writing... some folks would rejoice in that! Of course... there are voice programs.  To Silent Majority (YCC): "These land-canes and hybrid storms and who-knows-what storms need to be tracked and garner serious warnings. Too much focus on hurricanes allows the not-so-sexy storms to get away with murder. Naming them might help because that's what people expect. Plus... the debate on what to call a storm doesn't make it any less lethal." 668 words |
| When I first joined I felt connected here; but that was 2005 (before bookface), and society has changed since then. Much more divided, unwilling to engage, less civil. WDC isn't immune. There are many societal taboos I no longer let silence me. I'm highly opinionated (not always right) and have been blocked by a few people, but I don't think I've blocked anyone. However, on FB I put a few people on pause during US election time. WDC can be used for storage, eliciting comments or reviews to work on one's craft, provide a forum for ideas, or a place to chat with other writers. Many various uses. Personally, I rarely give reviews and rarely respond. Blogs are my preference. My writing style can be summed up as "short", more Emily Dickensen or Basho/Busan/Issa (I wish!) than Tennyson or Whitman. Longer poems are broken up into segments. My prose tends more towards flash fiction than epic tomes. Same with games. Although I like the quest factor of D&D, I'd rather play Clue. And I refuse to play all-day Monopoly. Multiple Scrabble games would be better. However, I have enjoyed a few 500+ page books but prefer to read them in one sitting. And Thai BL series are okay because most run 8-12 episodes. M*A*S*H was broken up into bite-size bits but General Hospital or soap operas/novelas in general? I'm not thrilled with the prospect of living alone. Roslyn Carter, age 96, died today... at home. I'd like that; but, it's not likely my future. And married 77 years! Until then I'd like to sit in pubs/diners/cafes and shoot-the-shit. The Newsfeed, QotD, Express it in Eight, can help but don't satisfy my need for "face-time" or hugs. If I were in Montana... I'd be talking about 'the game'. Montana defeated Montana State and enter the playoffs as a #2 seed. Home field until the championship. I won't hold my breath. Lots of news about Miss Universe. I do think they've made strides regarding diversity and inclusivity. Miss Colombia, Guatemala, Netherlands, Portugal and Pakistan were "firsts". My heroine? Miss Nepal. Her swimsuit walk was incredible. She moved with elegance and confidence. She'll open doors for others who aren't 'barbie-dolls'. I've mentioned my Swedish roots many times. I do wonder which characteristics have been handed down. I grew up in a German-Irish area and my speech reflects that. But I've also lived in Costa Rica and Thailand and traveled. That too has become a part of me. In writing... my dialect isn't standard and spell-check and grammar-check creates problems. I want my voice to shine and not be confused with a generic Mid-American or Posh-British essayist that isn't me. I worry about the GOP becoming the Q-Party advocating the establishment of the new CMTA, a one-religion, one-ethncity place where I'm no longer wanted. Let the hunt begin! And yes, we are already experiencing modern-day finger-pointing witch-hunts. And yes, WDC is not immune. I just want to look out my cottage window (in the Cotswolds?) at a bird-feeder, my gardens, a book of poems on one table, my coffee on another, cat in my lap. Someone will check on me daily, maybe help me cook and clean. The world will be peaceful, and seldom intrude on my reverie. I will walk to the pub every day and observe the old and the young... as time passes me by.  To Words Whirling 'Round in "Playing Cards" "Impossible hands... I have watched pinochle and lots of bridge at the Senior Center. I won't play. I do like mahjong and love versions of rummy.I have seen younger people playing cards but smart phones have blunted any need to connect to people face-to-face. It's quite sad. I haven't played anything in a long time." To Sarah Aswell on boozface: Thank you for reminding me that there was a football game. In Kansas we always said, "Win or lose we will booze." I forget because I'm in Thailand with a 10 hour difference. That said, Miss Universe was important here today with Miss Thailand as #2 (some disappointment) while my Nicaraguan friend Raul is ecstatic. To AL on fb re fibromyalgia groups: "Hmm... the stoic Swede? Practical, seeking info, sharing details. Americans? Drama kings and queens. Is this a common stereotype or just me?" To Togldeblox (YCC): "I've never heard of the QOP; but, if the shoe pinches the toes... Yeah, but there always are those who are greedy and still try to screw the poor at every opportunity. Not always the QOP... but it does feel that way most of the time this past century." To Harlow Flick, Right Fielder in "Invalid Entry" "Pan makes sure that I smell sweet before I go out. When I live alone in a dry-cold climate like Montana I don't care so much. But here in hot sweaty Thailand it's essential to take more than one shower every day. I don't just sit in public though like I should. I could. It's great to just sit and observe. There are stories everywhere (most of them hidden from public view). Ah. That man in the gabardine suit..." 845 words 419 |
| Death... is it leaving one's Comfort Zone? After-all, whether one's 20 or 70 it's all one has ever known. In Thailand, however, the concept of rebirth is part of the culture and based on a bit of reality. Ever meet a child who reminds you of someone you once knew? Or see a youth who's the spitting image of his great-grandfather? We all study the stories of our ancestors. Maybe it's more than genes that are handed down and recycled. It's not that I believe in reincarnation... just that humans are very... human... I regret that I didn't go to visit Sonali when I had the chance (although the epidemic didn't help). I'll never meet Arun Bhatia. I'll never hear his stories other than a few that are recorded. I wonder whether anyone will feel that way about me. I mentioned to Sonali a month ago that she could take in borders, maybe a writer or two. Keep a spare room available for sojourners passing through, call her abode the "House of Hufflepuff". Would you stay there? As a fellow Hufflepuff, I'd want to meet all her Slytherin, Ravenclaw and Gryffindor friends. Hufflepuff's can be kind (there are exceptions) and tend to be home-bodies. Even the inquisitive traveler Scamander had a home. When I had a house, I had all types of people (refugees, writers, borders, roommates, homeless) stay or visit. That was a past lifetime though... or so it now seems. At the time it was just me being me. I didn't know what I know now. Such is life. One lives it. On the 18th we'll go out. Maybe eat shabu. 7/11 is good enough most days. I really like some of the local street food. I don't need fancy; but, it's been one year, and I want to do something special, and Pan loves to eat! It's outside my comfort zone. Again. Everything exhausts me. Writing, exercising, breathing... I'll either die gasping for air or slowly slip into oblivion without a peep. I'm that tired these days. I should edit some recent poems and enter a couple contests... just because. Writing something brilliant is elusive. In many ways it's a nice daydream that adds rainbows to many dreary days. To Prosperous Snow celebrating in "International Day for Tolerance" Travelers learn tolerance... or stop traveling. It's more than patience. The language and cultural differences can be surprising. Book-learning ill prepares one for the journey. It's the face-to-face attempts to connect, the kindness of strangers, and understanding that barriers can be overcome. It needn't be done abroad. Most communities have outcasts. That's a good place to start. It requires leaving one's comfort zone. It can also mean 'letting go'." To Jeff in "National Fast Food Day" A short driving distance  I laugh because I don't have a car. But there's a Swensen's, McD, BK, and KFC all within walking distance. Central Udon Thani is very livable in that way. We are supposed to go out someplace special tomorrow. We'll see. It won't be American fast food! Possibly Shabu-shabu (ชาบู ชาบู), other Japanese or Korean. Pannya will choose. I'm just as happy with basic fried rice with pork, duck or chicken. I do like Wendy's (been awhile) and Subway is fine at the Seattle airport; but, I'd rather eat at a local mom-and-pop place in Montana or elsewhere. Udon Thani has a great Swiss-run pizza place (Da Sofia) and Koala has an incredible Philly cheese-steak. I've met the owners. I have eaten at the local McD's because they are open 24/7 and have good a/c. Mostly I just eat at the street markets (dumplings, roti, chicken-liver...). To tracker in "Invalid Entry" I've submitted 'great' poems and... nothing. Not a peep; not even a review. But, I've won a few contests as well. I have a fistful of Second Places  . I've read other writers' laments over contests. It does come down to what the judges like. You could write a poem worthy of the New Yorker and still get snubbed here and elsewhere. I try to read 3 blogs/day. More than that is exhausting for some reason.  670 words 405 |
| If the USA had a decent health care system I might go to a doctor. The clinic here costs 30 baht, about $1; but, I'm not sure if that applies to visitors. Medical costs tend to be low and it's possible to stay in a hospital. I just try to not get sick. I could use blood-work, attention to my feet and a therapist. I'm not doing well. Winter brings 'cold' north-east breezes. The forecast is clear skies for the next ten days. 0% chance of rain though led to me being sprinkled upon. We have no food in the apartment, or should I say "I"? Pannya comes back today but possibly for only one day. I did not sign up for staying alone and dealing with this loneliness is difficult. I do have left-over rice to eat and I'm steaming rice with mango and papaya. I'm definitely depressed. This could be my finale. To Sorji is Novelling! in "A little confession and a lot of writing." It's great when doctors don't argue. I wish insurance companies were that supportive. I use Neosporin... what's the issue? Ah... googled it... contact allergen >>> rash. I still pack a small tube when I travel. At least you're catching up on some writing. I've written some but get easily distracted. Good luck on NaNo. To Shadow Prowler-Spreading Love in "Invalid Entry" I've had plenty of culinary disasters but fortunately my mind forgets. I do try to eat whatever I cook. I did okay with rice this week. It's finally 'winter' here in Udon Thani. Day temps may reach the 80s but night temps will be in the 60s. What a relief! I'll keep the balcony door open tonight. It's hard to live in Thailand without a/c. The humid heat saps my energy. I don't have an oven here, but there are plenty of sweets in nearby markets. To AnotherDreamer in "Nov 16" We go through stages. I'm not sure which stage I'm in but after one year in Thailand I feel a bit of a shift. I follow routines just to remain flexible in mind and body. I'm shutting down slowly but I'm still here. 342 words 398 |
| I doubt that I'm accomplishing much by maintaining this particular blog. 15 days and over 11.000 words. I don't like quitting but it's getting in the way. It takes up too much time. At least I entered Shadows&Light before the deadline. Found something I wrote in October, put it on-line, edited, made it an item, posted... just in time. "I too have survived" I want to stay here two more months. Pannya and I need to work that out... face to face... long-distance by texting doesn't work. I need to know his plans. If not... I need to make decisions without his input. Regardless it would be nice to be here in July and again next November. March/April needs to be avoided (just like in Costa Rica). Heat, dust, smoke... not healthy for me. And health matters. I looked at renting a room in a hospital yesterday. Didn't like the set-up and prices. I did like the big 'expensive' room though. Need to look at another hospital nearby that rents apartments. I have little time left. My health is better here but I worry too much and get attached. The mantra of Thailand is "let it go". To Cappucine in "Not better. A whinge " "Large classes can make it difficult for the quiet kids or those who dislike large groups. A cull to 15-20 may improve their participation and attitude. Jacaranda... I don't know that I'll be here when next they bloom. Meds... doctor... therapist... I don't like meds personally but they help millions if the correct med and dosage can be worked out." To Pumpkin Harvest in "Diets-Who Needs Them (I do)I" "Living with someone helps me regulate. But Pannya is visiting his mother; so, I'll eat rice (with butter) today. I did my exercise this morning and 'winter' has started. The lower temps will make it easier to be outside. I try to walk every day. My legs are stronger than a year ago but I can't walk fast like I used to. I try not to think about stairs until I go back to Montana. The wealthy can afford a cook, an accountant, a chauffeur, a housekeeper. The rest of us just cope. When I was younger... last century... I lost a lot of weight by dancing every night. Now, not having a car = walking (dangerous in Thailand). I needn't do some things alone; but, I'm used to not being in groups and becoming a groupie is an undesirable option for me." To Charity Marie - <3 in "Post-Surgery" "I need platonic friends. That's what most friends are regardless. Family is e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g here. Parents can be controlling; guilt tripping is culturally normal. Pannya is at his mom's... Yes, I am enjoying my solitude... at times... but I miss him dearly and hope he's back by the 19th. Yes he has ED due to meds; but, those meds allow him to function. Cuddling is fine. Knowing he's by my side is comforting. We've 'been together' kinda, sorta, for one year. I don't see a future for us. And that's causing personal dilemmas for me. At my age I need to be careful walking here in Thailand. Sidewalks and curbs are notoriously bad and crossing streets is dangerous. I can afford any distraction." To Lilli 🧿 ☕ in "World Kindness Day!" I do some of these all the time = good habit.Donuts  every day = bad habit.  I like the idea of painting rocks. It's been done in Missoula. Children would love it! Do a dozen or more (rocks don't have calories) and hide them in a section of town (needn't be a park; sidewalks tend to be public...) then have a scavenger hunt! Some won't be found... maybe for years! But the messages will always be welcome. And rocks don't go bad like eggs.   608 words 392 |
| Change is in the air. Thai-Winter has arrived. I will need to accept some uncomfortable realities this week. I'll need to remind myself to be kind and pro-active. I may need to 'let go' of cherished dreams and hopes. That's more difficult than losing physical items. I have no emotional reserve left to deal with injustice, sadness and loss. To SandraLynn in "World Kindness Day" Yes, kindness is a key to a happy society. And a kind society is kind to other humans and even animals. I'm usually friendly. I lead with a smile and chit-chat.But... that's not culturally acceptable everywhere. Smiles can be seen as threatening or goofy. There's a cultural aspect. And kindness is interpreted by some as weakness. Individuals can be treacherous. I still try to be kind. Jeff in "Reports of my demise are greatly exaggerated" "Of course... you're not talking about politics... but the similarities are there.People handicap the political process as if it were a horse race, a popularity contest, or who can shout loudest. This marketing approach ignores substance. And Americans are consumers of products. Who can win! is more important than a platform. Who can buy an election drowns out competence. Destroying the reputation of the opponent is playing the numbers. And heaven-help the opponent if she's a woman. In film I remember how much bad press "Brokeback Mountain" received from people who refused to watch it. It was basically banned in Utah. It was 'canceled' before that became common slang. On social media, posters and comments gain more views when they are outrageously negative. The victim? Truth... because that doesn't matter. At least in sports individuals/teams have to actually show up and play to win, and all the hype or disrespect is secondary." Lyn's a Witchy Woman in "change and kindness" "I'm not good at dealing with change or loss. Just read Sonali's post that her father died today. I really wanted to meet him a couple November's ago and even considered it this year. He was a very interesting person. Now I won't have the chance. My loss. So... much change... some planned, some anticipated, some... let's not talk about those today. I haven't always made the right choice between zigging and zagging. I lived in a 'bad' neighborhood for years. I did what I could to disabuse people's notions that it was all 'bad'. I also took in refugees for years. Was it kindness? I did what I could." I was very tired last night and lay down at midnight. Pan is still at his mother's. I tried sleeping with the windows open but a tad too warm. I may try again later this week as night temperatures will drop. I made a slight mistake cooking. Used a packet that had some chili in it. Hopefully I eat it small portion at a time. I don't waste food. Pan isn't back and that creates other problems for me. I need to find a place to move to and I need to get truthful advice regarding my visa. I'm stressed out and there are few people who would understand my options if I explained to them. Thailand has quirky visa rules that change with little notice. And lodging (friend warned about electric bills), personal relationships, cultural expectations, et cetera... would take too much of my precious time to explain to willing-to-listen but utterly-ignorant friends in Montana or on-line on bookspace or writingdotcom. You-all just don't know! So, I have to figure this out by myself. Good intentions don't matter in a crisis. I have 14 days to figure this out... or else. I'm tired of fighting the good fight of educating the ignorant. It's hard to crack open minds when hearts remain closed. My responses to social media comments: Joseph Tramelli: Not everyone is from your culture... and that goes for everyone who comments on social media. I've traveled the world and I've been in Thailand for one year. Masculinity isn't defined in the same way as White Euro-American Christians. And even here... attitudes and customs change. Taylor Swan: Or from a different culture. Gender is defined differently in Thailand; and amazingly, most people just accept other people as they are without faux-outraged angst. Tiffiny Lawrie: Star Trek ruined a generation because they included an interracial kiss and lovable aliens. These were not acceptable in segregated Amerikkka during a war on the non-humans of Viet Nam. *sarcasm* ... dripping. I'm in my 70s. Carly Kay: It may mean that you are a tolerant decent human being (of any age). One of the lessons of a Buddhist culture like Thailand is learning to 'let go'. I struggle with that here in Udon Thani. 765 words 385 |
| Another hot noon but sprinkles and a stiff breeze brought the temp down to 87. Nights are now forecast to dip to 70. That would be a great relief. The heat is draining. I usually take a shower before I go out and after I exercise. I use Protex soap, a skin moistener, deodorant, rarely shampoo. I also use bar soap for stains on clothes. Washing machines don't do well with stains. I see very few bathtubs in my travels. They're a luxury. My routines... are different here and in Montana. If I move, a distinct possibility, they will need to be adjusted. A much-cheaper (but larger) place won't have a pool or an exercise room or maybe not exercise stations close-by. I use the exercise station daily. I can deal with routines and boredom within limits. I'm not an adrenaline junkie but I do like some variety in what I eat and do. I love exploring back roads and alleys. Just treat me with respect and don't call me late for dinner; although, I don't have much appetite these days. Most of you would call me Khun Liam here in Thailand. To tj-turkey-jobble-jobble-hard-J in "Soap" : I grew up with a bar of Ivory. Great for taking baths as it floats. We all knew it was 99 44/100 percent pure because... we all watched the same shows with the same ads. I didn't take showers until I went to college. In Montana I use Dove as my skin is sensitive and I'm careful with laundry soap. Here I buy cheap bar soap and Pan buys shampoo and conditioner (and does the laundry). I use whatever's available. I do like certain fragrances more than others. Love rose in general but cucumber is nice. A hot bath with patchouli though... takes me back in time. To ~Brian K Compton~ in "Invalid Entry" : I love the cadence.I really like the use of words and images in: Thoughts entertain a soul not ready for bed in this quiet undead void of endless night meandering I often have problems sleeping (too much coffee?} At the start I'm reminded of the oily ring around the bathtub that needed to be scrubbed. No bathtub here, but I have scrubbed the floor and wall tiles (with bleach) *ack*. Eric Wharton in "Do It Again" Movement is life. I exercise every day because it strengthens my legs and slims me down a tad. It's also a good habit. Coffee is another habit, albeit not as good.  Routines help me. But I also vary what I do with travel and by having a goal list of many items. Doing ten, any ten, suffices. I watch Thai TV every evening at 8:30. I remind Pannya to take his meds every night at 9. I eat a lot of rice (I like it). But, I also vary my diet, my walks, my chats. I'm easily bored and this helps. I was shy as a child. My problem these days is that I talk too much. To Jtpete 1986 in "Note: If I am using milady in a sentence referring to ..." "In your appendix you might want to include nicknames and the way characters refer to each other. "Harry Potter" has characters with multiple names depending on who is speaking. Others have commented on proper form; but, I'm amused by the improper as well (tone of voice, hesitation, volume, choice of title). My name, Kåre is Norwegian/Swedish and pronounced like Cory in English. Never ask a Dane to mispronounce it. People here confuse it with Kare or Karen and think I'm a woman.  It would be funny to address me as milady. That said... a drag queen might find it appropriate. In Thailand, names, titles, pronouns, who speaks first... are all part of the culture and language." 612 words 370 |
 It was a day when nothing turned out as well as planned. The German Bakery was closed and the Chinese Festival starts the next day. The trip back and forth was fine and this time I didn't get lost looking for the bus station. I did take some pictures and sent one to Eugene. I looked for her in her usual spot even though I knew she wouldn't be there. She arrives November 30th. It was a very hot day. Vientiane across the river set a November record. I find the heat exhausting even though I've acclimated. I'm glad I went because Pannya was in Khon Kaen and then decided to go visit his mother... We kept in touch but I fear he may be having a manic attack and what follows isn't easy to deal with.  To summarize what I commented on... The weather here is crappy. Winter is arriving late and that has affected tourism. Thailand lives on tourism. The north is hot; the central and south are rainy, windy with floods. People cope by avoiding the heat of day but that's hard for tourists and travelers. I 'live' here but I was playing 'tourist'. In Udon Thani we have many places for massages. I avoid the massage plus ___ parlors with 'young' women; the ones with glass partitions you can look in are much safer and the old men and ladies are professional. They are also air-conditioned as is the Central Mall. I did get to chat in Nong Khai but it wasn't as relaxed as sharing tea or coffee with Eugene. I can visit P'Nan at Surada Guesthouse Tuesday-Saturday and have met interesting foreign visitors there. For conversational Thai I watch sub-titled TV series. I can play them back. Many of the young actors are great at conversing naturally with body and facial language. Interjections are common in speech and it's a pleasure to see them used. Also swear words. Knowing that they exist is important; knowing that you CANNOT use them is very very very important.  We are mostly pacifists in my immediate family. Even those in the military aren't overly macho Rambo types (maybe a little). My father rarely talked about his experience.I grew up during the Viet Nam War. Coming from a factory town with my draft number #49 I was slated to be cannon fodder. Women were exempt; something I resented at that time... and still. Middle-aged Mothers (and m*therf**kers) spewing hatred on-line encouraging others to kill is common on social media. The "smash their babies against the rocks" (Psalm 137:9) is playing out regarding Israel-Gaza. To describe my mother in a nutshell... think Hyacinth on "Keeping Up Appearances". At least she didn't want me to be sacrificed on foreign soils. Being sacrificed at home though... she mostly ignored my situation (stiff upper lip, secrets, and all).  I was the shy one hiding behind others. Invisibility was my super-power until I opened my mouth. I was proud of what I knew (looking back... too proud). MG and YA are great for writing and reading. MG is better when learning a foreign language. Anything with conversational speech helps more than academic essays or dictionary descriptions. I know less than a 5 year old here. And yes, that bothers me.  Fire is a touchy subject for me as someone burned down my house 20 years ago and I had a friend Sandy in Oklahoma who lost everything including family members in a fire. To WakeUpAndLive~doingNaNo'24 in "NaNoWriMo conversations" : Europe has had some nasty rainy windy weather recently. Thailand has had thunderstorms and flooding but not here; it's hot and dry in Udon Thani. 33 degrees today... very warm. A/C is on; it's still warm after midnight. I'd love to sit at a kitchen table with coffee to have a chat. I truly miss doing that. We have message places everywhere here. Very popular. Conversations... sit in a cafe and eavesdrop. Worked for Ben Affleck and Matt Damon when they wrote "Good Will Hunting". To AnotherDreamer in "Nov 11" : 1. My father served in the Army in North Africa in WW2. We watched war movies and westerns but toy guns were not allowed in our house and there was no way that I would've joined the military. I'm opposed to war as a solution to petty grievances. I do however understand fury over injustices. I do not celebrate 11/11. America has lots of veterans because America loves violence and war. 2. I went to university in Kansas and lived in small-town Kansas and Nebraska. Years later I moved to the backwoods of Northern Cherokee County Oklahoma. I liked the people. I was raised with 'proper' English. These days? I just don't care. How people talk is not my concern." To s in "20231112 NaNo XIV" I definitely think of YA as younger, 12-18 (max). I like YA in the US because it's more accessible and the writers seem to be of a higher quality. Some kids always want to do something stupid; others are just too afraid (like I was). Burning down the whole town? From 1983: 844 words |
| To Brandi Cook on bacespook: "I removed myself from a toxic-to-me situation. I didn't keep in touch because I didn't know who I could trust ... and I still don't. 😢 But I don't hate them. That would be a waste of my time and energy. Some of them never deserved either." What else have I left behind? 2023: Fear of water. Finally learned how to swim a bit. 2009: Faced my fear of going back to Costa Rica. Lived there again in 2012. Visited many times. 2007: Homed; the transition was very difficult. 2004: Homelessness = meant I was no longer a human being deserving respect. 2003: Fled. "Woke up" in Oklahoma. 1999: Avoiding the g-word. 1988: Severe car accident that put me in the hospital and scrambled my brains. a. No longer fear dying in a car. b. I really don't know how badly it affected my brain... c. ...but I think soft-ware was dumped and that helped me think/dream in Spanish. 1974: Innocence. In so many ways. 1970: Fear of leaving home. Purposely moved far enough away... but not too far. Some events were internalized and my body has kept score. I don't sleep well at home but I'm fine on the road. My nightmares have found me in Thailand. I don't 100% trust people I know but I love strangers. I have a weird relationship with privacy. Hostels are fine but I need to be alone at times. I carve out "me" space. But... I crave connections.  I only have so much time left on this earthly plane (be it one month or 20 years). Going forward: 1. Give up. Find a place to die and never leave until I do. It's option #1 for a reason. 2. Nomad. Give up having a home-base. Go wherever. Do whatever. Die wherever. Let it be a final surprise. 3. A mix of home-base and traveling. I've been doing this. It's exhausting. I could rethink it. That's exhausting. 4. Just not care. But I've been numb (1986) and didn't like it. 5. Let someone else decide. Which, if I don't, will eventually transpire. To Adherennium Plotting something in "Despondent, defiant, delusional" "Blueprints are available; but, humans-for-hierarchy don't see any commercial value.Consumerism preaches that more = better = happiness. Patriarchy teaches pecking-order and first versus second class humans. A natural consequence is colonialism. There are better paradigms* out there. Keep looking. *The struggle is "paradigm shift" and a lack of a detailed "how to" as you stated." And in "Not really a follow up as such" : "I don't review but I do comment.  "Some of you may be familiar with Abraham Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. Put simply it shows that what you focus on as important, depends upon your needs. You aren't likely to be looking at changing the world if you are struggling to find food, shelter, heating etc. In short the basic essentials to life." I humbly disagree to a Western assessment of 'needs'. Many poor people around the world live collectively. They survive or starve as a community. Consumerism actually disrupts this as the Western paradigm demands better food, better shelter, better... everything ("whatever I'm selling"  ). I mostly reject that. I'm eating rice with an egg this morning but Pannya just brought me chocolate milk from 7/11 (bless him; I really don't need it).Poor people don't starve here; but, Thailand is very attuned to consumerism and many fall prey to the notion that being 'normal' like everyone else isn't enough. However, the good side is that service is great. People are known to actually smile! And those private extra-attention massages? Most likely supporting a family. Perhaps poverty needs to be embraced. Monks do this all the time. Food, shelter and clothing is simplified and time and effort is focused elsewhere. But living within one's needs would put most mega-proponents of consumerism out of business. To THANKFUL SONALI Library Class! in "Counsellor " : I've been wanting to visit but my life is topsy-turvy and I wouldn't want to be a burden. I'm watching "I'm Tee, me too", a Thai series (2020) about a young man who's going to lose the family home after his mother has died. He decides to take in borders... Wattee takes in another Wattee (T-Rex... who doesn't want to live alone), Maitee, Maetee, Teedo and Teedet. 6 Tees in all. Yes, they're all quirky and 'difficult to live with'. Well-drawn characters. The two Wattees provide a plot twist too. So... the House of Hufflepuff will just need 3 or more borders to make it work. And yes, this is a serious recommendation. 2 long-term borders and a room for visiting writers/friends comes to mind. I could see your father benefiting from this; but, you know best whether now is a good time. I'm at an age where living alone is no longer the wisest choice. My health, especially mental/emotional is a key concern. Physical limits may be in my future (one never knows)." And in "11/10/2023-'legacy'" : "Legacy... I have no children. My writings? Maybe not. My efforts to bring people together in the 80's 90's and 00's? All already forgot. The people I've taken in and helped? That's up to them." To Wandering Thoughts in "Laws upon laws warp reason and intent" "Examples come to mind. Observant Jews have hundreds of laws and many spend time obsessing over which ones apply where and when. Switzerland is notorious for rigid laws, as is Singapore. Simple exhortations like "love thy God, love thyself, love others (especially your enemies)" get drowned out by pedantic nitpickers (example: US Supreme Court)." To weave these together. We all do the best we can. To misquote Maya Angelou (again and again), "when we know better we do better". I struggle, getting lost in unimportant daily nuisances whilst ignoring the larger landscape; or, I get caught up in ephemeral politics and drama without putting it all in perspective. 955 words |
| I lost half of my entry. Then my chromebook wouldn't connect for one hour... It's 1 a.m. and I'm exhausted and can't remember what I wrote. This type of blogging is time consuming. There's a real question as to whether it's worth my time and effort. To Sorji is Novelling! in "Catching Up" Little by little, day by day. I'm using my blog writing for NaBloPoMo rather than NaNo... Only 6278 words but 20k would be fine. Responding to blogs is work. Sleep. Pan just got back today. He spreads out so I'll be clinging to the edges again. My life is "tough". *sarcasm* It's been very tough in the past so I am grateful for this time spent in Thailand. It's been one year. Pan cooked tonight. I eat less when he's not here. Easy to just skip a meal or forget. At least you and Danny look after each other. Even sniffles count. Overtime is great for paying bills; but, it's overrated as a lifestyle unless your work = your life. Hobbies and writing provide some relief and some balance. As for scraps of stories... they can be priceless. I seldom throw ideas away." Balance... I've teeter-tottered through life. My present routines include exercising, walking, writing, watching Thai programs, and chatting with people daily. Working took up too much time, imho. It helps that I can live now on what others would consider 'low income'. But I mostly manage quite fine. After-all, I'm in Thailand. To Harlow Flick, Right Fielder in "Invalid Entry" "Yellow not mellow" Describes my life at times. My father was mellow. Gary is mellow. I know what mellow looks like but struggle to let go. I'm a tad too wound up.Thought police state... not far from the truth. There's a real risk in expressing an opinion. It's time for my generation to get out of the way of making final decisions. Mentoring and advising are both quite appropriate for old geezers like me. Especially when given from a rocking chair. Hopefully, both old-raisin prospects gracefully step aside. Tyranny is not limited to one political persuasion or point-of-view. It's the intolerant my-way-or-the-highway attitude that defines it. As for Kellie-Jay Keen-Minshull (Posie Parker)... she seems to be hateful. My experience with trans-people is personal and has been positive. I've traveled the world. There are "queer" people everywhere. Here in Thailand? Trans is basically a non-issue (especially among youth) as this culture is respectful and not hung-up on petty dramas as to whether a person has a penis and what they do with it. Americans however are obsessed with sex and violence. I see it as a human-rights issue regarding body-autonomy and respect. From what I've read Posie Parker believes in neither." As for pronoun usage: "The singular they isn't actually new. According to The Oxford English Dictionary, the singular they showed up in writing in 1375—over 600 years ago! The OED also suggests the usage is even older since written language usually reflects trends already present in spoken language." I use it all the time and I'm not confused, so I don't understand why other people are upset about this. Lack of education? Stuck in grammar school? Lack of hearing? Lack of just allowing people to live their own lives? To Joy in "Cold November Rain" : "I remember cold November/December rains where I grew up in the Great Lakes. I preferred snow.But I did like the end of autumn when only the last bronze or brown leaves, that refused to let go, glistened when wet. The sadness of it all suited me as a youth. I may have been "emo" before that term was commonly used (not used as much now). Once the last leaves fluttered and fled, what remained was only stark and dark. I love this: "Raindrops like icy whispers tapping against the window pane, the gray clouds reflecting a mosaic of muted colors, and the mostly bare tree branches against the overcast sky, with silhouettes stark and haunting, try to wash away the remnants of the passing year." Quite evocative... and I can relate. Here in Thailand... the rains are ending, the sun is weaker and next week the temperatures may dip to 70! Certain orchids (Rhynchostylis, I think) are preparing to bloom. Every flower has its season. November is mostly a good month in Isan in north-east Thailand." Winter officially begins when night time lows dip to 23C 73F. However, today was 90 (warmer than normal). November-February is "cooler" in most of Thailand. I first came here last November. Arrived in Udon Thani on the 8th, met Pan by the 12th, and moved into this condo on the 18th. 765 words 352 |
| Bear with me. It's 3 pm. here and I haven't taken a shower yet; although, I did do my exorcising and feeding. Some cleaning too. To tj-turkey-jobble-jobble-hard-J in "Do What??" We do not hug bears in Montana... that would be bear-food tourists. The bears I saw as a child in WNY were small black bears. The ones I saw in Kosovo were rescued and behind barriers.By-the-way... I just realized that callmetj = call me TJ... Yeah, I'm ready to become worm-fodder. Speaking of which... To Charity Marie - <3 in "Las Vegas" I had lived alone for so long... came to Thailand and wham! I met Pan one year ago this week. I'm better off living with someone and being here has been 'interesting'; but, I'm not sure that the future will be anything other than lonely. Hard to make friends here , full stop. And I'm too old for anything more than acquaintances. I'm surprised that you were surprised about Vegas. Tourist party towns can be rough. I remember moving to a sleepy farming community in Kansas in 1975. I learned a lot and felt 'free' for the first time in my life. People were friendly too. I still miss that. But time moves on and small towns have bled all the movers, shakers, and oddballs. I suspect all that remains are the bitter, waiting-to-die, addicted-to-something or those defined by close-knit membership-only church communities. I'd go back to Kansas but I can't go back to 1975. Udon Thani isn't a tourist town but the ex-pats aren't overly friendly and with a red-light district left over from the Americans during the Viet Nam War (and few backpackers, travelers or tourists) there's a false belief that all foreigners are wealthy. I get treated like an ATM occasionally. To Lazy Writer est 4/24/2008 in "Day 7 November Blogging Challenge 11/7/23" "Tolerance does change with age. I immediately thought of gall-bladder or liver issues. Peanut butter is oily and gritty. Intestines? Diverticulitis? My liver needs to be checked so that's on my mind. I do love basic peanut butter cookies. Peanut butter is expensive in Thailand; so, I have to stick with shelled peanuts, chopped, or made into satay. Growing up in an unhealthy factory town = cancer of various sorts. I've lost a few, some at an early age, probably many I don't know about. I use skin moistener but retinol has side effects and unless I'm willing to address those I'm better off not using it." Pannya uses beauty products to cover, remove or whiten blemishes. He believes in make-up and botox. Me? I ____, shave, shower, and put on deodorant and go. I'm very slow at getting myself together though. Robert Waltz in "Worlds Enough" "We often fail to find what we don't expect exists because it's not where it's 'supposed' to be. Ah... a common human foible. Eris/Dysnomia is an example. Orcas/Vanth another. That said... I'd rather visit Ceres or Pluto/Chadron. As for Vulcan... too hot for me regardless." 90 degrees at noon; 91 at 3. Tad too hot for me; but, the a/c's too cold. We might get relief next week. I don't think I'd do well on Vulcan or beyond Neptune. Odd thought though... Orcas is considered the anti-Pluto. Does Eris have a similar anti-celestial body? If so... name it Ursa (she-bear)! 531 words 348 |
Jodi suggests Delta next time I intend to fly... I do like Delta  but Asian airlines like Asiana and ANA are so much better.No, I didn't "fly" today; but, staying at home isn't good for my mental health. A short day trip may be in order. It's better than bleaching the bathroom. I've complained about getting few to no comments in the past. Today was a pleasant surprise. Eleven plus a merit badge? Not up to responding tonight but I will soon. I'm lying in bed with the TV chattering in Thai at me. I did get out and buy some staples (rice and coffee). Couldn't find ant poison though... We have ants. Exterminators come on the 9th but that's for the building in general. In other gnus... Q-fakery season seems to be back. I'm tired of begging people to think rationally and genuinely care. I read YCC (Yale Climate Connections) as I'm truly interested in the weather and I have friends all over the globe. Q is there as well. Same with MSN and bookfate. Too many vulnerable folks I care about to brush off the attacks on truth and sanity. Yes, there's often more than one way to look at a situation but irrational conspiracies and name-calling exhaust me. And so much reminds me of high school bullying. I've done my own research in the past and have work and life experience. Few are interested. The world moves faster than I can keep up with it. Some days I'm lonely; other days I'm useless. But I pet two cats today and greeted neighbors... so there's that... Today I pointed out to a WdC member that the Year 180 refers to the Baha'i calendar. It's not obtuse nor obscure but apparently most people don't know Baha'is, and we're used to using the calendars of other people. Kinda a one-way street. People in positions of running things don't have to accommodate anyone. That's why Black Folks need to know White Rules (so they don't get killed) while White Folks travel the world expecting to be catered to. See it all the time in my travels. I'm no saint (saint I ain't) but I try to connect in spite of language and cultural barriers. I don't always succeed. WdC is a case in point. After 18 years I'm still an outsider. It's lonely outside. To Sarah Rae on the newsfeed: I'm officially at 4520 which is fine. I'm doing NaBloPoMo, instead of NaNoWriMo, and using my blog comments and adding other thoughts and posting daily. 20k is a reasonable goal for me considering I may have a couple distractions to deal with this month. How will I tie 1. wanting to jump out the window and 2. scrubbing the bathroom floor with bleach with 3. the minimum of reading and commenting on three blogs? That's my goal for today. To Schnujo's Doing NaNoWriMo? responding to her newsfeed comment: "I looked out the window today and felt the urge to fly. I'm only 8 stories up... short flight. I literally got on my hands and knees, poured bleach and scrubbed. I've removed most black spots on the tiles. Could it be mold? I don't care. The WdC commenting has pitfalls. I didn't do well yesterday. My ability to express myself clearly is 'off'. Depression and boredom and anxiety and ennui. I'm not well; but, I always get through these bouts... ▼ I first came to Thailand one year ago. I actually set my blog on a large font for Jodi. Not everyone has good eyesight. Mine has been iffy the last few months. To Agent Goat on YCC: "There's a great meme about Native Americans wanting their land back. Note: the Cherokee were forced to move around 1835 and promised a seat in the House of Representatives. They are still waiting. Palestinians need to vacate because a group of people who have survived for nigh on 2,000 years want it back? Perhaps talk to the Moabites, the Canaanites, the Ammonites. The Samaritans still hold on. Part of my family immigrated to PA/NY from Sweden, other parts we aren't sure about (family secrets and lies) but originally? Who knows. Who cares. I'd be very surprised if I didn't have Neanderthal genes." To Toesinthe water on YCC: re "Americans are all satisfied they are well-informed, no matter where they get their information. I mean, everybody but us, here!" It would actually be nice to have an 'open-answer' survey (1000 individuals) asking that question. The answers would most likely fall into 3-5 categories... 1. My Jesus told me so. (the church) 2. Daddy and Mommy are always right. (tradition) 3. Social Media (I can tell truth from fake). 4. I don't care. (survival mode) 5. Whoever shows me the money (human greed). And a followup: "There are different types of surveys. Socio-linguists can tell you all about it. I conducted a short survey not to provide statistics but to unearth the questions that need to be asked. I studied Spanish pronouns. Prior studies in French and Spanish had focused on the formal/informal usage of second person. Pretty papers... simple questionnaires, nice tidy results. I believed/believe in messy and "ask the wrong questions = get the wrong answers." Why ask which pronoun you use with your mother if you don't have one... or have one that doesn't speak Spanish! The only family relationship my subjects had in common was "brother-in-law". I could still give a talk on that paper from 25 years ago. So... I refuse to be cynical; because, I could do a survey that would blow narrow-focused statisticians out of the water. And the simplistic polls they run." To 🌻 thankful pwheeler nano in "5 Different Ways to Make Vegan Beans and Rice" "Beans aren't used much, if at all, in Thailand. Soybeans, peanuts? Yes. Protein? Fried or fresh insects. Eggs. Pork, fish, chicken. Rice is the staple of South-East Asia. We use many varieties of white rice. Gallo Pinto (the Costa Rican and Nicaraguan) version for breakfast is what I'm used to. I love it. I need to have my vegetables cooked/broiled soft (especially roots like carrots). My teeth can't eat them otherwise. Rice and beans are both survival foods. Cheap rice. Cheap beans. Cheap ingredients. Whatever's available." To Eric Wharton in "Show, Don't Tell" : "As Christians, we can be very good at telling others why they need salvation, but more often than not, we lack the ability—or desire—to show them what it means.Which is one basic reason why I'm not Christian, Eric. From a distance we outsiders only hear about the injustices and animosity between the Christians of Mississippi. You know different... because you're there and both you and Debi strive to be loving people and demonstrate that through your actions. Although many Christians talk about faith and correct-belief they shut people out by their actions. Maybe they should read James? Have you done a blog about James? Sorry, I haven't kept up. Good to see that you're posting." To Prosperous Snow celebrating in "Thanks Be To God" :unpacking luggage I should have tossed a century ago. I'm struggling. Thailand is the "Land of Letting Go". I know how to say 'no worries' in both Thai and Lao. But I still worry about Pannya (he left for a week; he's trying to sort out family issues in his hometown) and about myself. Do I stay another year? Have I learned anything by living in this Buddhist-informed culture? Detachment isn't taught much in the USA. Greed, vengeance, anger, self-righteousness? Unfortunately, yes. The virtues of generosity, forgiveness, peace, humility are the antidote of these poisons." 1247 words 342 |
| I managed to video-chat briefly with Pan. I worry too much. It was raining in Khun Han. It saddens me to be of no help. I'm also not thrilled to be alone. It's okay as a break, but I shouldn't live alone. I also need to decide about where I'll live next month. I want to include Pan in that discussion. I dream of where I once was happy. But, that river emptied into the sea long ago. And travel? Getting harder as I age. My body and my mind aren't flexible enough to just go somewhere spontaneously. And my mind... slips. I'd love to have a cottage in Lone Elm. A window looking upon a large garden. Book cases. A lap-pet. An old car to drive down empty roads. I want to be young again with what I now know. Silly me. I make lists and they do help me accomplish something. But... happiness and joy aren't on those lists. It would be nice to have friends, be surrounded by friends. Perhaps never again. No reason to fear Death, but dying isn't necessarily fun. Best to learn how to let go now. My faith believes in inclusion, tolerance, fairness, reality, community. The much maligned DEI comes close. American Christianity does not. The "Church of America" emphasizes a world vision of superiority, iron-fisted injustice, an elite exclusive gated Heaven I would call Hell. So, I'm not enticed by its marketing of salvation. I come from the Creator and so shall I return. But I have so much to learn before I go... as if I could choose the time and place. Where do I want to die? If I were certain I'd go there to live. To Sum1's Home in "Schaumburg, Illinois" "Kansas... Salina again? Or elsewhere. I'd love to meet you there but my plans are up in the air. Someday I do need to go back. Stay at home over Christmas Break? The wear-and-tear is real. That's one reason why I stay in Udon Thani 2-4 months rather than move about constantly. I must re-think any future travel; I may go in groups (hate that idea, but...) or incorporate more time for just doing 'nothing'. The time-zone issue is mitigated if I travel north-south (the Americas; Europe/Africa; East Asia) or within a time-zone (ICT includes Thailand, Viet Nam, Laos, Cambodia, Western Indonesia; China, Malaysia, Singapore, Western Australia, Taiwan, Philippines are one hour ahead and Myanamar :30 behind). Reading your last blog... autumn. Winter is officially here when morning lows hit 73. I think we've had one day of that so far. Temps are above normal in NE Thailand... and that isn't good. Pumpkin.  I'd love to have a lap-pet, but not allowed in our condo, difficult in Montana, questionable as I get older unless there's someone younger around to help. I give free pets to any cat or dog that requests one." To Pumpkin Harvest in "Planning Ahead" : "Yep. My blog, "Porthole" has lists I check off daily. Not important to do everything every day; but, when I'm traveling I have a special checklist. I'll set out my clothes the night before. Packing is a nightmare in spite of the preparation. Mostly, I'm fine. I still feel that last minute hysteria that comes with the slippage of my mind. The daily list includes learning/using/watching Thai. Since I'm in Thailand that makes sense... until I forget... therefore the list. No one reads my blog or comments (about one or two per month). Locally, I do share my accomplishments as chit-chat. I know people who exercise daily, have rigid diets (I don't), know about the pitfalls of Thai culture and government rules (helped me with the anxiety I felt over my visa extension). Not everything can be verified or makes sense online. I've lived alone for so many years... I'm enjoying sharing a place here in Udon Thani and wonder whether I should ever live alone again. Yes, I can still live alone... but should I?" To AmyJo-Thankful in heart in "TUYC - Nov 4th - Times of Noah?" : "Yes, we all die someday. But, not all things come in predictable cycles. Yes, there have been Teachers, most seldom heeded I may add. Noah was Noah. Moses was Moses. Jesus was Jesus. And I could list others that most Christians neither acknowledge nor respect. And yes, we go about life (as we should) until the day we die. I'm not a believer in the Apocalypse. In my opinion it makes people not care about doing anything about the present. "Live fast. Die young!" is how it was put in "Rebel Without a Cause". I care deeply about fellow humans and all Life with whom we share this Planet. Worried? Anxious? There's a lot of angst going around; but, there is much that can be done about the pitfalls of modern life. What I remind myself: 1. Look around you? See the beauty! Don't buy into fear. 2. Love is an action verb. Love thy neighbor? Sure. Now love your enemies; then, try to understand them. 3. Let science (there is more than one p.o.v.) help provide answers to physical and biological events. There are answers to climate change and epidemics for example. 4. Let Scripture (there is more than one book of guidance) provide answers to spiritual questions. 5. Use critical thinking. Science and Scripture are like two wings of One bird. Heed them and let humanity fly." To Lyn's a Witchy Woman in "self-care and Tom" :"I care deeply about people. That has caused problems at times. I didn't always have good boundaries (still working on them) and unintentionally hurt some people whilst trying to help others. Here in Thailand I'm trying to learn to "say no" and "let go". Obligations to family and friends and community (losing face is part of that) are defined differently. It's a bit of a quagmire and I'm making mistakes, and hopefully learning from them. One thing I don't fear: physical violence. Thailand isn't as peaceful as it seems; but, there is a certain day-to-day feeling of safety. People here don't steal. They don't yell at each other for no reason. Most everyone can go about their life without the burden of disrespect. Although true friendship is limited to a close circle, people are pleasant, and mostly kind. The proof is evident on the streets with the lack of fear and anger in dogs, cats and beggars. No. Thailand isn't a paradise. Nowhere is. But, for me, America of the 1960s was like a bad marriage at times. Going to university out-of-town, moving around outside my comfort zone; and, more recently, travel has shown me other ways. We only know what we know until we know better. As for poor Tom: " 1103 words 333 |
🌻 thankful pwheeler nano hosts a give-thanks poetry contest.
I bought coffee today, a croissant, a slice of crepe-cake with strawberry... I'm sugared, caffeinated and hoping I can sleep tonight. Pan isn't here. That means I can sleep spread-eagle. He usually hogs the bed allowing me to cling to the edges. Wish he were here. I miss him. I didn't have any drama today {a red day). I'm not as depressed as normal either. I have little new news; therefore, I have nothing urgent to write about. But I still observe (two doves on a wire, yellow birdwing in flight) and scribble notes. I keep track of my daily exercise (above average this morning) and how many words I've written. Even blog entries count. I don't charge people by the word. I did get to speak to people today. And I'm in touch with others... from all around the world.  There was a fire-drill today, insect extermination on the 9th (hope the geckos are okay... because they help), an electrical check a couple days ago. The big animals don't live in town. Monkeys and elephants are found in this region but not in the city (unlike Lopburi). We do have water-buffalo. They're huge but mostly gentle, nothing like bison. I watched the end of a series, "I feel you linger in the air" based on a novel, "Violet Rain" about a young man who almost drowns and finds himself in Chiang Mai 95 years ago. There will be a part 2 (or maybe 3). The thread is that Khun Yai is Jom's past and Jom is Yai's future. I really enjoyed it. Parts are sad and that suits me fine when I'm sad as well. To Kathleen Kelly (FB): I choose to embrace my coffee addiction every day. Trauma? Still triggered. Depression I treat by getting out, walking, exercising. I do try to be careful eating... not too much, not too little. In Montana it's best that I never buy chocolate. To s in "20231105 NaNo V" : "Life intrudes... and then bits and pieces become part of future stories. The homeless shelter daily drama (all channels, all the time) gave me plenty to stress about. Some of my best writing came from the time though...I'm writing 500-1000 words daily. For me that's enough right now." To Spirit🍁🍂Writer in "No idea how many words I wrote!! Lol NABLOPOMO #4" "My pronouns are he/him by-the-way. I'm so not offended. Kare = a woman's name in Norwegian, but my name is Kåre. [å] is an 'awe' sound a bit like 'saw' or 'bought' in my American dialect. The only English speakers to get it right are Geordies from Newcastle. I only do word count because I'm using my blogging for "NaNo" to gauge how much I'm writing. My goal is 15-20,000. I still prefer to comment as I'm naturally chatty and crave connection. Many on-line are counting/looking for clicks. Everything becomes commercialized/monetized for some folks. Not me." To QueenNormaJean maybesnow?! in " National Bison Day " "We have termites in the building but I haven't seen any. The exterminator comes around periodically. Next visit is this week on the 9th.Bison... I've seen a few. But only on the Bison Range on the Flathead Nation north of here and in the Tallgrass Prairie in Oklahoma. I respect them... at a distance. The Indian/Buffalo nickel was very special when we were children. Yellowstone... never been... but Scott, by-the-way, is back in Missoula. And I'm not. No idea when I may return." To Jeff "Underground Protoplanets" : We are stardust. We exist because human entities replicate their ancestors and those ancestors incorporated whatever organic and inorganic material that surrounded them. They swam through the primordial soup... eventually to become us. Theia... dear Theia, how we miss thy radiance in our sky. Now that you reside beneath our feet, we give thanks with every step we take. 708 words 327 |
| Out in the backyard after dark? Yep. I've rethought my exorcise routine but today I missed the morning. It's okay when it's overcast or once the sun goes down. I did the usual. Nighttime is different though. Each lamp post had its resident gecko. And it was quiet. Yes, I do need people. I try to visit Surada most every day in the late afternoon. Saw P'Nan and her sister Noy. Went out with Rube from Israel (his room, #7, is huge). I ate fried fish. He had his usual fried chicken filet. Family in Israel is suffering and he's unsure of his plans. The air-quality isn't good. There are warnings in Bangkok; but even here, the air is stagnant. Hopefully they have changed their burning policies or I won't be able to breathe. Pan left for Sisaket. His friend drove. He sent pictures of going down the highway. I responded with  . He should take his meds at 9 pm so I reminded him. I can't provide much support. I didn't take a long walk. Routines suffer when I get overwhelmed. I did manage to watch the beginning of a new Thai BL series. Not impressed. I find high-school settings to be cliche. I was confused at first because I know the actors from other series. Channel 25 has series (not all of them BL) at 20:30 and I try to watch them. I learn something about culture and language. Much better however if I rewatch on youtube with subtitles. Once I know the story I can focus on other aspects... such as conversational Thai. So... blogs... my goal is to comment on 3/day. More people are blogging in November. Both Andre and BCoF have challenges going. I participated in the last 30 day blog challenge a couple years ago. Not sure that my contribution helped; 30dbc has been dead since. Burned out by reading over 400. Gave out merit badges... not this year. I bought food the day before Pan left. I now have to eat it all before it goes bad. Not amused am I. No graham crackers or peanut butter though. Imports are expensive. I do have a bag of peanut satay mix though... If I had a cat  or dog  I could share my food.  To AnotherDreamer in "Nov 3-A" I need people. When I want privacy I close the door.I live in a condo. When I want nature I walk down alleys, around the lake, along the tracks. I used to live in my garden... a long long time ago. The orchids are getting ready to bloom, blooming, spent. The far hills on the horizon hidden by the haze. As a child I learned how to sit with paper and pencil in the closet, stayed up after others were in bed. We had three sets of encyclopedias. Now I share a small space. We get along fairly well. Today Pan leaves to attend to family matters. I will go to the corner 7/11, walk the alleys, visit the market. I will miss him. I open windows for 'fresh' polluted air. No gas in this place. But I grew up with the danger of CO poisoning. Story was that once I woke up the family... but I don't remember. Neighbors weren't quite as lucky, but lived. I will cook and clean and... for myself this week. I will cope. To Spirit🍁🍂Writer in "Happy Friday 😁 exhausted but here I be y'all!" "I liked the opening of "Let No Man Write My Epitaph"; kid is charming. No time to watch right now however. I try to read blogs every day and comment (old timers used to comment... nowadays few do). My NaBloPoMo entries will be made up of my comments I made on blogs plus whatever comes to mind. My mechanical skills aren't stellar but I once successfully installed black pipe for a gas line! Is the cat crate for cats? Or am I missing something?" Pumpkin Spice Sox in "National Sandwich Day - What's your favorite?" "I don't eat many sandwiches in Thailand; but, Pan brings me back something from 7/11 most every day. Today... chocolate milk, chicken, rice (why?). He thinks I'm starving; I'm not, just old with a clunky funky metabolism. Dogs are expressive; cats more subtle. Japanese? Thankfully, Thai actors are very expressive. Much easier to watch than talking heads. I'd gladly eat graham crackers with peanut butter. Do you deliver?" 717 words 342 |
Pannya (Pan) is sad tonight. At least he's not catatonic.  I realize that love comes in all colors. So... what is my love-color for him? Saffron? I do care... a lot. If I didn't my life would be easier... or not. At times we are like two broken trees leaning into each other. Sometimes... that's good enough.Pan washed the clothes today but not before we straightened out our misunderstandings. Clothes didn't get clean last time because the load was too large. I also explained that my clothes can't be put in the dryer... so he only dried the blankets. It all worked out. The clothes smell clean. The blankets are dry and the hung clothes will be dry by tomorrow. Tonight? He's sad, thinking too much and refusing to eat properly because he doesn't want to get fat... I could scream. He needs to eat. His medications are potent and must be taken daily (at three strikes a.k.a. 21:00). In the meantime I have work to do. My chromebook has been acting up. I have to finish this entry, copy-paste just in case it crashes. I cannot afford to lose this entry and cannot reconstruct it. When I post it I'll turn on the television and hopefully wake Pan up so he takes his meds. I think... not sure... that the final episode of "I feel you linger in the air" airs tonight. It's an awesome historical (1920s Chiang Mai) time travel Thai BoyLove series of 12 episodes. Very moving. Excellent acting, lovely cinematography, lovingly done. I'll re-watch it with subtitles. I wrote something silly in response to Jack's post, but that's how my Muse a-muses himself. I've had silly outbursts that transform into serious writing before. Wish I could write a Thai BL that way.K.E. To tj-turkey-jobble-jobble-hard-J in "Unexpected Road Trip" : "I don't understand American Insurance... other than... the rich must get richer and the health of the poor doesn't matter. Even the poor in Thailand are treated better. Clinic visit is 30 baht ($1). 3 hours and $5 will get me to Khon Kaen. *sigh* There's so much about Thailand that annoys me but I may have to stay here or move to another cheap country because I'm poor in the US. Sleeping, seeing and hearing is important though. So... good luck." To Mouse says gobble gobble in "Invalid Entry" : "I've had problems with my chromebook. Amazing how some of us raised on paper and pencil (as a left-hander... always smudged) can barely remember what that was like. Some of us need more down time than others. I crave connections but not interruptions. Are their mental-physical-emotional health resources closer to where you live and more convenient? I ask because Pan's doctor is an 8+ hour bus ride away. He goes 3 or 4 times per year. Still not easy." To QPdoll is Grateful in "Random Thoughts" "I made mistakes all the time. I don't think I fully appreciated how having a good boss made a huge difference until I had a couple that added a lot of stress. A scholarship or grant can make a huge difference. I couldn't go where I wanted to go because of our finances. I have lived alone for years. Sharing this place with Pan has been great for my health and well-being. I'm not sure that I want to be on my own anymore. I'm adjusting to a different stage of life." To hammer48 in "Invalid Entry" "I write short poetry... sometimes short prose. What do my prose and poetry share? They're short. My Muse is not as short-of-breath or as short-sighted or as short as I am but he's a tad fickle. Alexander Pretorius Mayberry Alexandrovic a.k.a. Aliosha was as huge as a mini-planet... and his ears as large as an elephant. He could hear my footsteps dancing on the rings of Saturn even though he was on the far side of Pluto. Nothing escaped the attention of my dearest Aliosha. Not even the poisoned stiletto with his name on it. Just a-musing myself! Who knows. I save scraps. Some actually become the genesis of stories.670 words 311 |
| Blogs give me ideas and prompts. Today: frost/freeze/snow; missing seasons and people; limits of beauty; acknowledging strengths; darkness; mentoring; ducks! I miss snow. Last night was 'cool'. Winter begins when temperatures dip to 23 degrees. Unfortunately, a hot sunny week is the forecast. It's easier to exorcise and walk when it's overcast or cool. I try to dress appropriately. Long sleeves and pants help guard against mosquitoes and sunburn. Wearing a hat or carrying an umbrella is advised. There's no frost or freeze here so bugs don't die off. They do come and go. Now is a change of seasons, of flowers, fruits, leaf fall and/or new growth. That said... at times I miss the life I once had. I have too many memories of people I'll never see again. I thought of a former boss who was great at details but not so great at managing people. And Marie and Tawny who would often set me straight about living in the Inner City. I do miss my therapist and a professor who mentored me in Kansas. It's been years but they helped immensely. New people? Today: a man, 63, from Dijon who knows Thailand quite well and a young man, 30, from Incheon, Korea who has only been here a couple days. I also spoke with Rube from Israel and P'Nan who works in the guesthouse Surada. As for ducks... Udon Thani uses a yellow duck as a local symbol, along with the orange flowering trees. Today, Thursday was an orange day. The social media comments I made today: To Impekabl at YCC re frost in Hill Country, Texas: "Frost and freeze is mostly good... except in Florida. However, a severe unseasonal freeze does great damage. Thinking of a friend who lost her fields of lavender when a deep freeze settled-in in early October. She lost her income... planted elsewhere as soon as she could." To Ralene on bookfate: "I like winter when it snows. In Thailand (no snow) it officially begins when the temperature dips to 73 degrees. It was 72 or lower last night. 65-70 would be better; but, I'll take what's offered. My seasons are spring and autumn elsewhere. I cover up, sometimes even when it's hot, to avoid sunburn, flies and mosquitoes." To Jolanda van Leersum: "I found Cape Town beautiful but disturbing. The people were either friendly or hostile. "The Two Faces of Kapstad" To Lani in "My favorite Author" : "Very nicely done. Almost a formal cinquain (I tweak formal ones; written a lot). Speaker: soft voice, cool head, maneuvering, calculating, observing. Wends his way to Paradise one vote at a time. Johnson. [180.148] I don't agree with US House Speaker Johnson of Louisiana on most issues; but, he stepped up to do a difficult job and his calm cool demeanor may help him move forward. I vehemently oppose his world view, but 2024 looms. I remind myself to be patient. As for Austen... different time, different culture, different use of language. I'm more fond of the dark Bronte sisters: Charlotte, Emily, Anne." To Apondia in "Mentors" : "I hated English in school. One teacher did get me but she was a second semester substitute for another who died. I avoided the subject at university. When I was homeless folks encouraged my writing. I was gifted an individual session with a professor. She was wonderful. I functioned better in life when people supported me emotionally. Mentoring would've been even better. Will you join WriBloPoMo at "Invalid Item" ?"To Lazy Writer est 4/24/2008 in "Day 1 30-day blogging challenge 11/1/23" : "Sad how much dental work costs in the US. I need to be reminded that here in Thailand it's cheaper... and that maybe I should avail myself of that option. I need to make decisions regarding... most everything... At the moment I'm listless. Someone does help me; but, he has severe medications and I need to look after him as well. It's like two trees leaning on each other. Not a perfect situation, but better than being alone." To THANKFUL SONALI Library Class! in "Of Unicorns, Frogs and Cows" "I wish I would've been there. I did see your post of the froggle  ... I begged Pan to let me go with him in a 'taxi' to a Japanese restaurant. If he has money in his hand he spends it... but I don't. I wasn't hungry so I didn't stay and walked home. He doesn't seem to understand: I don't waste money; I need to walk every day; I don't eat when I'm not hungry. So hard to explain... I suspect it's beyond his cultural knowledge. So... glad you encouraged your friend's son to go with her. I do so much alone... another issue. Your father is fortunate. I visit the same places as often as I can. Even walking by and smiling helps establish a connection. A few words... even better. I cross class distinction boundaries as often as I can. As a traveler I don't always approve of artificial borders. Good personal boundaries are something else however (something I need to work on)." and "Confession Time" "Since "A Big Yellow Duck" is one of the symbols of Udon Thani I should give it a glow (it's a sunny ducky day).The other Duck Song by Bryant Oden:" 855 words + 467 = 1322 so far. 307 |
| November ... I'll try to remember. NaBloPoMo#1 To SandraLynn in "Murder Mysteries Please" : "Thanks for the suggestions. I love mysteries but no longer read anything current. I do love serial mysteries. I loved the Chyna Bayles mysteries written by Susan Wittig Albert (one of the few authors I've actually met in person). I cringe at horror; but, I can write it. Mysteries? Love them; but, can't write them. The hidden clues. The unexpected but utterly believable outcomes intrigue me. I grew up on Agatha Christie... 'nuff said. To Write_Mikey_Write! in "Lime for the limey [Journalistic Intentions Rd 14]" : I forgot about Journalistic Intentions until it was too late. I could've done all of them... I love lime soda, key lime pie... Not so fond of that earworm song though. All the colors in the world! And I missed it. Chartreuse was one of the basic colors of my childhood. It's the only color of our kitchen that I can remember. Years and years of peeling... fading like my memories. Maroon and white are still my high-school colors and maroon the color of the Montana Griz. I wrote a poem using mauve "Mauve Mavis" . I guess cerulean is close enough to the deep blue-green of midnight/prussian blue of my childhood. I didn't bring my big box of crayons to Thailand. To Richard ~ Thankful!! in "Please Don't Feed The Pet Peeves - Music!" : I watched/listened to Carol Burnett's rendition of "Send in the Clowns". Heartbreaking. Is she the best singer ever? No. But, she delivers with that song. She wrung every emotion out of it. She "owned" it.I've listened to Dimash's version of "SOS d'un terrien en détresse" dozens of times. Yes, he hits high notes; yes, his range is incredible; but, one can feel the emotion without even knowing the words and even his soft ending was perfect (live performance in China). Emotions matter more than notes. AI can play Bach's "Sheep May Safely Graze" ... but a drunk in a local bar can sing it better. Just my opinion. I easily get winded. I can barely hold my breath to swim 10 meters across the pool. Singing would be good for my lungs. My neighbors may not agree... but I live at the end of the hall and if the doors and windows are closed I might not embarrass myself. Pannya, who lives with me, has a beautiful voice. He practices singing mor lam. ▼ I cringe at every flat or missed note. No... I don't know what he is singing and don't know the melodies, but my ears cringe regardless. I can tell when he gets it right. And he practices to get it right. Me? I'd settle on just being able to sing it with emotion... preferably on key. 467 words 301 |
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