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My journal about my conversion to Judaism. |
| I started writing my conversion story in June 2023, even though it started before then. It will not be in chronological order as I remember things from the past that brought me to this point in my life. My decision to convert was not an easy one. I grew up Pentecostal. I watched my grandma speak in tongues. My aunt played keyboard in the church band. I used to attend church (a member of a Baptist church for many years) 3 to 4 times a week. I did not start my journey of healing after my divorce and expect to end up here. However, my desire and work to grow closer to G-d has left me no doubt or question about where I am now. I have no hesitation in my conversion to Judaism. This is my story of leaving Christianity and becoming a part of a people that I will be able to, one day, proudly say that I am also. A Jew. |
| It is amazing how much I need to say when I finally get the chance to sit down and write. I feel like all I do is work and study, and I still don't have enough time to do either as much as I want or need. It's funny how that works. I am healthy again and attending shul, classes and community events. Even at community events, there is always something that I learn. There are still times when I feel out of place and overwhelmed. I feel like I have lived outside of my comfort zone for the past two years. However, I have noticed my comfort zone expanding. I feel comfortable being at multiple people's houses. I feel comfortable helping with Shabbat dinner (instead of like I will defile the food with my goy hands). Most of the time, I am not treated any different than any other guest or friend. Honestly, I still hate the city. I hate the traffic and all the cars. I hate that it takes 20-25 minutes to drive 8 miles, and for some reason, I still have to watch for deer! But tonight, I looked out my patio door and watched the snow fall and felt complete peace. There was only one car on the road and it was going country slow. The city sounds were dampened by the blanket of white fluff, the lights were dimmed by the twirls of snowflakes, and for a small moment, it felt like I had always been here. My kitchen is almost how I want it to be able to run smoothly and kosher with no sacrifice to my love of baking and trying new recipes. Now that I am almost functional, I am understanding how mistakes can happen so easily. My Rabbis have been amazing, and are so helpful. I learn so much with every class. The Rabbi who laughs has been teaching me how to keep a kosher kitchen and the proper blessings to say before and after eating. I've been finding out bruchahs and other things that I have been doing wrong and what I should be doing instead. I am very hard on myself. I know that. I'm learning to give myself more grace though. One example, I learned that I was saying the wrong bruchah on nuts. Instead of beating myself up mentally, I made myself a note, came home, and said the proper bruchah on nuts so that I would remember. I always tell my students that making mistakes is what helps us learn, and when we know better, then we do better. So instead of being hard on myself for my mistakes, now that I know what I am supposed to do, I will practice until it becomes second nature. I have so much more to say, but it is late. I will just thank G-d now for all the good news I have received this week tell him that I love him. Have a wonderful night everyone. |
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