%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 |
My journal about my conversion to Judaism. |
| I started writing my conversion story in June 2023, even though it started before then. It will not be in chronological order as I remember things from the past that brought me to this point in my life. My decision to convert was not an easy one. I grew up Pentecostal. I watched my grandma speak in tongues. My aunt played keyboard in the church band. I used to attend church (a member of a Baptist church for many years) 3 to 4 times a week. I did not start my journey of healing after my divorce and expect to end up here. However, my desire and work to grow closer to G-d has left me no doubt or question about where I am now. I have no hesitation in my conversion to Judaism. This is my story of leaving Christianity and becoming a part of a people that I will be able to, one day, proudly say that I am also. A Jew. |
| I have been extremely overwhelmed with life. At one point this week, I have wondered if there is even any hope for humanity. I'm sure that heaven was crying too. I forced myself to keep going and went to work. I'm so glad I did. As I stood in the hallways discouraged by my students' lack of caring, the world's lack of morals, and the weight of the rest of life bearing down on me, I said, "G-d, I need you today," like I often do. And I heard the words that I often hear and read, "The way to battle evil is with love." I saw my students again as just kids who want to be loved, and remembered that I am part of humanity. If there is too much hate and evil in the world, then my job is to bring more love and hope. Sometimes it is hard, especially when life is overwhelming. The overwhelming parts of my life at this moment: 1. I'm sure this won't come as a shock at this point, but I am in desperate need of a new car. I've put a lot of miles on the car driving back and forth before moving to the community in which I now live. 2. I have been working on making sure I have a functioning kosher kitchen. Though it is kosher, I needed extra separate space for parve foods, since I eat parve as often as I eat dairy. I'll be putting together the rest of my kitchen this weekend (or Monday at the latest, depending on how long lesson planning takes me). 3. Although GZ has been working with me a lot, I feel stuck in my Hebrew. Like I'm not progressing. However, I know that I have always felt that, and that I am reading now more fluently and with a greater vocabulary than this time last year. I'm still not even close to where I want to be though. My Rabbi laughed at me because of the way I pronounced my "ח". I have been afraid of speaking Hebrew in front of the Rabbis because I sound so awful. This only confirmed my fears. I sound awful. 4. Work. Because its work. 5. All the people everywhere. There are so many people and cars here that I don't want to go anywhere. I don't have a special place to go and be alone, because there is no way to be alone in the city. People are kind here. Even strangers are kind, and this helps, but there are so many of them! 6. Lack of time to write. I haven't written much because I just haven't had the time. I wish I had more time to write. 7. My children. Even though they are adults, they are still my children, and worry for them and trying to take care of them be there for them doesn't ever end. 8. Israel and Gaza. Evil not only seems to be out in the open, but it is celebrated by many in the world. That's scary, heartbreaking, and leaves me wondering if there is any hope. With all this happening at once, and more not shared, I have been overwhelmed. What do I do when I am this overwhelmed? I write. I haven't had much time for that and will be making an effort to do more of it. I bought a book called "Write Your Way Home: The Jewish Guide to Therapeutic Writing" by Yocheved Rottenberg, CJF with "Inspiration by" Chaya Hinda Allen. I'm excited to read it and try the writing exercises. I will be making another place on this site for those entries. It's not like I don't have things going well. I have plants that are growing in my new apartment. This is the first time I have ever been able to keep plants alive and I love it! I have amazing friends here. As much as I'm struggling with my job, I still love what I do. My classes with my Rabbi have been going well. I have learned things that I can apply right away. I love studying. We have done so many different things: Shulchan Aruch, the book The Shabbos Kitchen, and before and after blessings for eating. I look forward to my classes at shul more than anything else during the week (at least right now). My typical learning schedule: Sunday - Shabbos class (or whatever he feels like sometimes with the Rabbi who laughs), Intro to Talmud (JLI class with the Rabbi who glows), Conversational Hebrew (with GZ), Easy Hebrew Method (with GZ), Psalms (with GZ) Monday - nothing unless there is a women's event or a rescheduled class or a one-on-one class with GZ Tuesday - Conversational Hebrew (with GZ). Easy Hebrew Method (with GZ), Easy Hebrew Reading (with GZ) Wednesday - Shabbos class (with the Rabbi who laughs) Thursday - Conversational Hebrew (with GZ), Easy Hebrew Method (with GZ), either Isaiah (with GZ) or Talmud (with the Rabbi who glows) There were two incidents this week that gave me strength to keep going: 1. My neighbor shoveled the sidewalk and salted it. She wouldn't let me help her, but let me talk to her while she was doing it. She is a wonderful person who always brings in people packages and sets it in front of their door. She checks on the elderly people of the building. She is a good person, and every time I talk to her, she brings light to my life. 2. After a few hard days and a snow storm, a bird stood outside my patio door. Then it went to the tree next to patio and sang. I have been visited by birds every time that I am stressed, anxious, or discouraged. I see it as G-d telling me that he knows my needs and will take care of me. If he can take care of bird during a snow storm and feed it immediately after, he can certainly take care of me. |
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
