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My journal about my conversion to Judaism. |
| I started writing my conversion story in June 2023, even though it started before then. It will not be in chronological order as I remember things from the past that brought me to this point in my life. My decision to convert was not an easy one. I grew up Pentecostal. I watched my grandma speak in tongues. My aunt played keyboard in the church band. I used to attend church (a member of a Baptist church for many years) 3 to 4 times a week. I did not start my journey of healing after my divorce and expect to end up here. However, my desire and work to grow closer to G-d has left me no doubt or question about where I am now. I have no hesitation in my conversion to Judaism. This is my story of leaving Christianity and becoming a part of a people that I will be able to, one day, proudly say that I am also. A Jew. |
| I have been reading a book loaned to me by a member of the community. It is about a Jewish woman who became a Christian and then made her way back to Judaism. There is a lot in the book that I can relate to. The last sentence I read, the woman's best friend told her that she was going to hell and her sister (a Jew also) was angry with her for her decision. I can relate to having family and friends have this reaction and anger and worry. This week through lessons, emails, and reconnection with old friends, I have been reminded that every decision I make, and everything I do matters and affects someone. Even if it is someone I have never met. I didn't enter this journey thinking that it would be about anyone but myself. I was very wrong. I know that I am not alone in this journey. I now know that there are both Jews and non-Jews that are following my conversion story and relating it to their own lives. This week I faced some decisions that I had made when I decided to go on this journey and the effect that they had on others. I then was able to be grateful to Hashem for bringing me to this week to be able to see the growth that I had made these past two years. I also was faced with the anger, hurt, confusion, and healing that others have had to go through over these past two years. Some friendships were severed, and some mended, and some were just plain fun. I was affected by a lot of people this week, and I'm thankful for every interaction (positive or negative) that I have had. I trust you Hashem. I have a deeper relationship with Hashem than I have ever had in my life. There is no way to live a Torah observant lifestyle with earnest and not have a deep connection. However, I am a very stubborn person. It is not surprising that in my state of total exhaustion, Hashem throws my issues in my face to deal with. During any other week, I would have tried to deal with them all on my own, like I always do. However, I didn't have the strength this week. Deprived of sleep and peace of mind, my prayers started with the tearful prayers of my siddur and continued to the deep heartfelt conversation with the father I so desperately needed, and still do. Thank you to all that have shared their journey with me these past few weeks. Remember that you are also right where Hashem is leading you. Where ever you are, and whatever you are doing, remember that you matter, your journey matters, that Hashem loves you and will be there for you. He is listening. |
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