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My journal about my conversion to Judaism. |
| I started writing my conversion story in June 2023, even though it started before then. It will not be in chronological order as I remember things from the past that brought me to this point in my life. My decision to convert was not an easy one. I grew up Pentecostal. I watched my grandma speak in tongues. My aunt played keyboard in the church band. I used to attend church (a member of a Baptist church for many years) 3 to 4 times a week. I did not start my journey of healing after my divorce and expect to end up here. However, my desire and work to grow closer to G-d has left me no doubt or question about where I am now. I have no hesitation in my conversion to Judaism. This is my story of leaving Christianity and becoming a part of a people that I will be able to, one day, proudly say that I am also. A Jew. |
| Today's Talmud was by a Rabbi that I had never seen before. He talked about how the red cow and honoring your parents were related. The thing that surprised me is that the story he told was about a non-Jew. He was surprised that a non-Jew would honor his parents since it isn't a mitzvot for him. I guess I'm amazed at how much misconceptions there are between races and religions. I don't know any culture that honoring your parents isn't thought as the right and moral thing to do and taught to their children as an expectation. It's part of the 10 Commandments. God said to do it so we do. Period. I never heard the word mitzvat until a few months ago, but if my mom asked me to do something, I did it. I would clean my mom's house for her and mow her lawn even when I didn't live there because honoring my mom was listening to God. I wanted to listen to God even though I wasn't a Jew. As a Jew in training, I understand that it is a mitzvat We must do it to fulfill our obligation to fulfill that 1 of the 613 laws of the Torah. I see glimpses of God in so many people when they love others, when they serve others, when they give to others, when they love others as themselves, when someone quotes Torah whether they realize it or not. Thank you Hashem for revealing yourself to me in so many ways to lead me here today. I love you my G-d with all that I am, with all that I will be, with all that I have, with all that I think. Thank you King of the Universe for being my God. |
| Thank you Hashem for your abundant mercies. "Our purpose is not to go to he heaven, but to bring heaven down to earth." from Wisdom to Change the World by Tzvi Freeman. He also wrote a book titled Bringing Heaven Down to Earth. |
| I did not finish what I was writing the other day, but I will come back to it on another day. I had an interesting and unexpected day today. At work, I only thought about how I have Monday and Tuesday off so I will be able to watch the Chabad Academy classes that I miss when I'm at work since our lunch is a working lunch. I thought about all the people who saw leadership qualities in me that I clearly did not see. I went to my uncle's house today to chat and pay him for the family to chat and pay him for the family reunion t-shirt for Saturday's family reunion. It's hard to believe it's been two years since I made that drive to visit family. My uncle and I got person with our conversation and I told him that I was converting to be a Jew. I never expected to hear the words, "I'm proud of you," but I did. It was nice to be able to share with that side of my family and not be scolded. I shared a lot of what I have learned. He was very interested in kosher cooking so we went through his pantry and I showed him the symbols that he already had in his home. He was excited. I have to admit that I am worried about Saturday being a disaster because of sharing this with him. Is he going to talk about it and my sister make a scene. How will it go if she and my aunt are drunk again? Will this be my last family reunion? |
| Chassidic Insights into daily prayers Sunday 8 am with the Rabbi who glows. Hebrew Conversation Unit 2 $40 Easy Hebrew Method Unit 2 $75 One thing I can say has changed is the way I see food. Separating meat and dairy seemed weird at first, but doing so has made me think about food I eat as more than something to fill me up. It has a spiritual purpose. Everything I eat is a gift of Hashem that he created to nourish me so I can continue to have a relationship with him. The cucumber I eat is more than a cucumber, it is a gift and creation of Hashem. |
| Well, I screwed that up! Don't get me wrong, part of that was great. I lit the candles, said the blessing, welcomed in the Shabbat, read till late and went ot bed. I got up Saturday morning feeling good having left my cellphone down stairs and said my morning prayers. I felt great going down the stairs excited to see how my cholent was doing and noticed it didn't look like it had been cooking all night. I started to wonder if my crockpot was broken when I saw the problem. I DIDN'T PLUG IT IN!!! 12 WHOLE HOURS LATER ( It is supposed to cook for 16!) so, I plugged it in (which is a no no on Shabbat) and turned it up on high hoping that since the beans soaked all night, they would cook in 8 hours instead of 16. They did and it was so good I was surprised it came from my kitchen. I will be happy to do it right next time, but I must say that was amazing! Well, my daughter called and said it was an emergency so my no tech rule got thrown out the window. I sat and read most of the day finishing my book Jew by Choice and staring my Pray Like a Jew book. I finished Shabbat with the prayers and turned off the lights and put the leftovers in the fridge. Hebrew Conversation Unit 2 Starts tomorrow. |
| I'm making cholent for the first time. I've never cooked with pearle barley before or anything for a full 16 hours before so I'm a bit nervous. I added a few carrots because some recipes had it added and it is a type of stew. I'm lighting the candles tonight for the first time ever. They are small battery operated candles because I am not allowed to have an open flame in my apartment. I have not tried challah yet. I will this week after making my banana bread. My friend emailed me the other day. He sent me a couple songs and we spent the day emailing back and forth about the meaning of the lyrics. I hadn't talked to him since the end of school. I know he wants me to share more with him and ask questions (about my conversion), but when I heard he said that he couldn't do this again because his ex-wife had converted for him, I feel it would be wrong to have him too involved. We are only friends first of all, and secondly, I can't do anything that I know might hurt him. Not only is he a friend that I care about, but that is also just who I am. He is my friend and he doesn't have to hurt because of my decision to convert. He has emailed me and told me that he's a man and not soft, but it's still hard to share when I don't know where the line of okay and bad memories lies. I care too much about people to hurt them on purpose. Candle lighting time is in 19 minutes. I have nothing prepared for dinner tonight because I wasn't hungry. I will have a bowl of cereal ready for my first shabbat dinner which is fine since I am home alone. I had my Hebrew practice lesson today. It went better than expected. I am no whiz for sure. At the end, GZ ended with Shabbat Shalom. On my first candle lighting and since I am experiencing this amazing even by myself, that Shabbat Shalom will always hold special meaning. |
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