I started writing my conversion story in June 2023, even though it started before then. It will not be in chronological order as I remember things from the past that brought me to this point in my life. My decision to convert was not an easy one. I grew up Pentecostal. I watched my grandma speak in tongues. My aunt played keyboard in the church band. I used to attend church (a member of a Baptist church for many years) 3 to 4 times a week. I did not start my journey of healing after my divorce and expect to end up here. However, my desire and work to grow closer to G-d has left me no doubt or question about where I am now. I have no hesitation in my conversion to Judaism. This is my story of leaving Christianity and becoming a part of a people that I will be able to, one day, proudly say that I am also. A Jew.
Baruch Hashem! I'm so glad you were added to the newsletter π. I wondered how your moving went (I couldn't find your blog) I've studied with Chabad for 10 years and enjoy reading about your Mitzvahs and your bravery in all this.
I'm Jewish but in the minority here and it's a blessing to read your blog. Shabbat Shalom π―οΈπ―οΈ
Shalom π I'm doing proofreading for our Blogging Bliss newsletter and I check the links etc. Hashem finds ways for Jews to connect in interesting ways! Most of my Jewish community is online ( we moved to Mississippi 2 years ago and good luck finding much Kosher food or anything! I long ago lived in Brooklyn but didn't know much about my Jewish roots. I've been studying online 10 years and I wish you well!
Shabbat Shalom for next week!
I have to add that I cried after writing this while doing the dishes. I dried my tears and said, "G-d, I'm trusting you." After I finished dishes and dried my hands, I received a call. I have a job interview on Friday morning.
I'm not sure my problem is justifying what I'm doing. It's not even people disagreeing with what I am doing. However, I really can't help but be hurt by people who have known me all my life and people who are supposed to (or have said they do) love me and care about me telling me all kinds of vile and hateful things. I'm not changing my mind. I love everything about Judaism and everything about the Jewish life. I know I will find more friends, but I have to move to where Jews are first!
I don't think you have to justify your actions. They have their minds made up. Hopefully, you can make a Jewish friend or two, around the same age, to help support you in your conversion journey.
I think big one reason to hurt each other is misunderstanding and afraid about strange people and things you meet. Specially you don't understand what strange people saying.
I crave the time to learn more each day. I get exhausted from the amount of reading, the studying of Hebrew, the zoom classes on laws, theology, holy living, and wisdom, but I don't want to go to sleep. I want more. It's like a craving for chocolate cake your whole life and you finally taste your first crumb, then get a small bite, then a tiny piece. You want the whole cake and to be able to bake more! I have never felt more like myself than I do when I speak in Hebrew, when I learn a new pearl of wisdom, when I read something that makes complete sense logically and can apply it or have already been applying it without knowing, when I pray or say a brucha, or when I perform a ritual. It's like a piece of my soul has been dorment and crying out to be awoken and released, but I have held it captive by trying to fit in with what I knew from my childhood and what those around me did and believed. A part of me always knew what I should do and who I should become. I'm just wondering why I waited so long to start becoming whole.
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