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My journal about my conversion to Judaism. |
| I started writing my conversion story in June 2023, even though it started before then. It will not be in chronological order as I remember things from the past that brought me to this point in my life. My decision to convert was not an easy one. I grew up Pentecostal. I watched my grandma speak in tongues. My aunt played keyboard in the church band. I used to attend church (a member of a Baptist church for many years) 3 to 4 times a week. I did not start my journey of healing after my divorce and expect to end up here. However, my desire and work to grow closer to G-d has left me no doubt or question about where I am now. I have no hesitation in my conversion to Judaism. This is my story of leaving Christianity and becoming a part of a people that I will be able to, one day, proudly say that I am also. A Jew. |
| Keeping kosher is not always easy. As I am working to learn what kosher symbols I can buy that are acceptable to the orthodox community, life has challenges thrown into the mix. At work today, I found out that the provided lunch for district professional development was being held at a bar and grill. A non-kosher bar and grill. I was required to attend even though I could not eat anything there or drink anything there. I had brought lunch with me, so I ate it on my way to the bar/grill. I walked in. It looked like a bar. It smelled like a bar. I admit that I pouted a bit, because I didn't want to be there. I went up to the bar and asked if they had any bottled beverages, like water, so I could at least look like I fit in. They did not. I did not fit in. It just so happened that I sat at the table with all of the high school deans. They felt bad that I couldn't eat anything (the food did look good, for a bar). They asked, "what food allergies do you have that you can't eat anything?" I said that I was strict kosher. One at the table knew what kosher was, but not the person who asked. I tried to get out of explaining a lot, but she pressed and said that she wanted to know. As they were pulling chicken off the bone with their forks, and buttering their bread rolls with very hard butter (probably a sign that it was real butter), I explained that I don't eat pork; I separate meat and dairy into different meals and not eat them within a certain amount of time of one another; and for anything I eat outside of my own kitchen or someone who I know keeps kosher, all food must be packaged in a sealed wrapper or container and have an approved kosher symbol. As they slurped down coke from a bar glass and ate watermelon on glass plates, I tried not to feel awkward and out of place, but I was. I didn't want to be there in a bar. More than going without food and water for two hours (not difficult to do after having good kosher food in the car), I did not want to be in a bar and in a non-kosher restaurant. I felt like my job was to make them feel comfortable with the fact that I wasn't eating. That I was okay with it (which I was), and that they weren't doing anything wrong by enjoying their lunch (which they weren't). My biggest struggle was being in the bar in the first place, and that I was required to be there for my job. As a math teacher, I never thought I would have to be put in a position to have to expose myself like that. I never thought I would be forced to go to a bar to keep my job. I know I probably could have said no and fought on religious grounds, but that would have just exposed me even more. The "team building activity" wasn't a bad activity, but certainly not worth one to fire someone over or force them to go to such a place (religious reasons aside) when they are uncomfortable going to those places. I like my new job so far, but I have a feeling that just being me, which was fine at my old district, comes with a lot of explanation here. When I'm out of my comfort zone (like I was today), I just keep reminding myself, I chose this, and G-d will bless me at this place too. He is the one, after all, directing my path. |
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