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My journal about my conversion to Judaism. |
| I started writing my conversion story in June 2023, even though it started before then. It will not be in chronological order as I remember things from the past that brought me to this point in my life. My decision to convert was not an easy one. I grew up Pentecostal. I watched my grandma speak in tongues. My aunt played keyboard in the church band. I used to attend church (a member of a Baptist church for many years) 3 to 4 times a week. I did not start my journey of healing after my divorce and expect to end up here. However, my desire and work to grow closer to G-d has left me no doubt or question about where I am now. I have no hesitation in my conversion to Judaism. This is my story of leaving Christianity and becoming a part of a people that I will be able to, one day, proudly say that I am also. A Jew. |
| There are many things I love about Judaism. I love the prayers, I love the traditions, I love that everything I do and think and eat all have God at the center of it. As I think about preparing to go back to teaching full time, I worry that my job will suck more energy out of me than I can give and still be as heavy into learning as I am now. I love having the time to read books on how to run a Jewish household, read about Jewish wisdom, study Torah alone and with others, and learn the Hebrew language. I don't want to miss out on any part of the life that I am falling in love with living. With that being said, part of me also feels guilty. Because I do plan to complete my conversion, I must move to a Jewish community. To do this, I will have to give up my job. I do not see a way to keep my current position at my current school and live in a Jewish community. I now live in the middle of nowhere, basically. That means there are no kosher markets or cafes. Also, that means there are no synagogues. To complete my conversion, I must move. I will move. What makes me feel guilty is how invested I am in the community that I serve and in the school in which I work. I don't only teach during the school day, I tutor after school, I run a crochet club, I volunteer to chaperone dances and activity nights, I am class advisor, I run concessions for the sports boosters, I am a mentor to a probationary teacher, and I was just informed by my boss that I am being recommended for department chair. I do all of these things because I love my students and my community. I feel as though I am able to give a small piece of myself and give these students a few hours of safety and love and a few years of good memories. At my last evaluation, my boss told me that he loves that I have become the school mom. When I move, will someone step up and fill that gap? Will I have a chance to give myself and my heart to students at another school. WIll I even fit into another school and a Jewish community? Wishing there was a synagogue closer so I could become the person that I know, without a doubt that God wants me to be, and I want to become, will not solve my problem.I have to make a choice. I have made a choice. I trust you, Lord with my todays and tomorrows. Where you are leading, I am willingly following. |
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