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My journal about my conversion to Judaism. |
| I started writing my conversion story in June 2023, even though it started before then. It will not be in chronological order as I remember things from the past that brought me to this point in my life. My decision to convert was not an easy one. I grew up Pentecostal. I watched my grandma speak in tongues. My aunt played keyboard in the church band. I used to attend church (a member of a Baptist church for many years) 3 to 4 times a week. I did not start my journey of healing after my divorce and expect to end up here. However, my desire and work to grow closer to G-d has left me no doubt or question about where I am now. I have no hesitation in my conversion to Judaism. This is my story of leaving Christianity and becoming a part of a people that I will be able to, one day, proudly say that I am also. A Jew. |
| Traveling to a different state and keeping kosher are not without its challenges. You can get a kosher meal on the plane, but bring your own fork and spoon. Though they do offer an unused one, it doesn't say that the fork and spoon are kosher. The food comes with a pamphlet with the kosher certification on it and a description of what blessing to say over the food. It also comes double wrapped. I admit that it looks weird and I got weird looks when I had a tray plastic wrapped and the food unwrapped and no one else's was that way. I did not rent a car because I was told that I would be driven anywhere I needed to go. I should have known that would be a mistake, and it was. It took just a couple of hours before Shabbat started that I was finally convincing enough to get them to take me to the right store to get kosher grape juice. There are a few stores that sell kosher products, but it is not as plentiful as it is here where I live. Starting Shabbat was very stressful, but it was good, like always, after it started. I went to the Chabad in Utah. It was smaller and the women were friendly. There were almost as many people that were visitors (on the women's side) as there were regulars. They sang a lot more than at my shul, and the Rabbi's voice was the loudest (not in a bad way). I liked that they handed out Tehillim after service and said Tehillim together for the hostages, the soldiers, and all Israel. That was really nice, because everyone was quiet. I don't think that is possible in my shul to do. It is too loud. The only thing I didn't like was that there was a paining on the women's side (I'm not even sure what it was) in the direction that we pray. It was off to the side, but still on that wall, and made me uncomfortable. The kiddish was nice and the women I talked to were nice. I can't tell you anything about the men, because I didn't talk to any. I'm glad that I brought my own challah, because I didn't see any anywhere that the Rabbi said they would have some. However, I did find some good kosher things, including soda at the most unexpected places. There was one kosher food truck located in the parking lot of the shul. That is the only kosher restaurant in Utah. Though I wouldn't fly to Utah just to go there, the food truck was delicious and comparable to the kosher restaurants where I live. I had one kosher lunch eaten at this restaurant. Everything else, I made myself. Things to remember: bring kosher food and dishes. Rent a car. It was a good trip and completely able to be done with a kosher diet. |
| On the 8th of the month, I met with the Beit Din. They approved my conversion. I am now waiting for my mikvah date. I admit that it has taken a bit to sink in, and probably won't fully until after the mikvah. I am longing to be in that mikvah and become a Jew fully. Soon. Very soon. I am traveling on a plane tomorrow to another state. It is my first time traveling out of state while being kosher. I already contacted the Chabad where I will be traveling to and booked a hotel near it so I can walk to services on Shabbat. I was told where to find kosher food and what kosher foods were not available there. I am packing some food and bringing it with me. I bought a couple things to cook with so I can eat dairy and meat. I'm nervous about this new experience, but also looking forward to seeing how other Jews find their food and have services. I'll be back in a week. B"H |
| Shavuot just ended. It is the commemoration of the giving the the Torah at Mount Sinai. There were so many great messages and moments of learning. The Rabbi visiting home taught about the Book of Ruth. It was a good message. Then I did an all night Torah study, which is done the first night of Shavuot. I learned a lot about David and there were a lot of topics that it was amazing how they connected to the Torah. The last message, I admit, I was quite lost. Perhaps, because it was after 3am. Regardless of the last message that night, they were all wonderful. That first night wasn't the end of it. There were messages throughout holiday during the prayer services, discussions during lunches and dinners, and a constant focus on Torah. It was wonderful. The first day during the Torah reading, I felt like my joy returned. There has been a piece of me missing for a while (since my friend died) and I feel as though I got it back. I know it wasn't a person who filled my world with light again and made everything feel right as it once did. It was the knowledge that I was sitting right where I belonged. When friends tell me, "that's too much! That's too much!" when they get a small glimpse of my life now, I know they are wrong. It's not about the things I do, it's about the faith and the love of G-d as to why I do what I do. I have been so exhausted and focused on trying to prove why I'm here, but I don't have to prove that. I know why I'm here. I believe in the Torah, and I don't believe in anything else. There is no other place that I belong than here. This holiday was no less exhausting than my past few weeks have been, but I feel filled spiritually. When entire days are filled with Torah and everyone around you is happy to learn and study also, how can it not be fulfilling? How do I go from being around people, for days, so passionate about Torah to work where most people there haven't even heard a word of it or even believe in G-d? I don't know how tomorrow is going to go, but I'm going to bed tonight filled with stories and messages from Torah. That is enough for me. |
| Today in synagogue, we did services like we always do. However, this Shabbat, the prayer for those that need healing seemed especially beautiful. During the middle of Torah reading, we stop to say a prayer for those that need healing. The Rabbi goes around the men's side first. Every name that is said to him, he repeats loud enough for everyone to hear, even the women on the other side of the partition. Then he goes to the edge of the partition where the women are waiting, and he listens to them and repeats the names they say loud enough for everyone to hear, even the men. Perhaps it is the book that we are reading, or the messages that I have heard over the past week, but it seemed extra beautiful today. The entire thing was an expression of caring, concern, and love for the people in the shul, and the person needing healed. When he is done with the prayer, the next person begins their aliyah. I don't know why, but it was really beautiful this Shabbat. |
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