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My journal about my conversion to Judaism. |
| I started writing my conversion story in June 2023, even though it started before then. It will not be in chronological order as I remember things from the past that brought me to this point in my life. My decision to convert was not an easy one. I grew up Pentecostal. I watched my grandma speak in tongues. My aunt played keyboard in the church band. I used to attend church (a member of a Baptist church for many years) 3 to 4 times a week. I did not start my journey of healing after my divorce and expect to end up here. However, my desire and work to grow closer to G-d has left me no doubt or question about where I am now. I have no hesitation in my conversion to Judaism. This is my story of leaving Christianity and becoming a part of a people that I will be able to, one day, proudly say that I am also. A Jew. |
| Over 600 miles is what I have driven in the past week. Every muscle in my body hurts. Today I moved the last of my things to my new apartment. I have slept here once (with D2 and her husband). Tonight will be my first night here alone. I think it is amazing that the time I had given up hope for another year, that is when G-d said, "Now." Within a month I had a new job and a new apartment. I am within walking distance of my shul. No more driving three hours one way to attend services. No more fake candles for Shabbat. All the anti-Jewish rules of my old apartment don't matter now. I get to observe Shabbat. I get to set up a kosher kitchen. I get access to kosher groceries and restaurants. Although I hate the city, and my first meal in my new apartment was a PB&J spread with a spoon, and although I can't find anything, and although I have things all over the floor, and although I have no idea where my official parking spot is at, and although I am still a bit scared and way out of my comfort zone, I finally feel like I'm almost home. Now, I get to make my bed and look forward to the next steps in my conversion. I love you Hashem with all that I am. Thank you for all your blessings. I am truly overwhelmed. |
| It's hard to believe its been over a month since my last entry. I can say that my stress has turned into busy, which is very much like me. However, my busy isn't just busy. It's life changing busy. Work has kept me busy. I finished my initial paperwork and fingerprinting for my new job. I also have my start date. I officially resigned my current job, and tomorrow will be my last day of work here teaching summer school. I have been sad about this day or so long, but now that it is finally here, I'm not. I'm more focused on what I need to do next, and happy for the good memories that I have here. I will miss my students very much. Summer school has afforded me the ability to move and pay for two apartments for two and a half months. So, now I am moving. I have until the end of September to be completely moved out, but I start work at my new job next month. The three hour drive will not give me much time to move once school starts. It is a three hour drive one way. I will have to have everything moved before school starts. I will be able to clean walls, window sills, and carpets during labor day weekend, but that will be the only time that I have. I've started going to a class with the Rabbi's wife on Saturday evenings, so I have not been coming home until Sunday. However, there have been events and friends showing me around on Sundays, so I haven't been getting home until very late. If I am hungry when I get home, because I'm not stopping for fast food, I then need to cook myself something to eat. It has made for late nights and very tired Mondays. Remember the one side business I started when I was very discouraged about how I would be able to afford to move and pay a higher rent? I have not put any time into that and it has gone nowhere. However, the other business that I am working on with a friend, I have been putting hours of time into. I am seeing progress. I am not getting a profit from it yet, and it might be another year before I do, but it is coming along and has great potential. Classes have been taking up a lot of my time as well. I have been attending a lot of Hebrew classes as well as the book of Isaiah in Hebrew. I feel like I am finally at a point where I am no longer struggling to learn, but starting to put everything together. My vocabulary is growing. My ability to put together sentences is better. My ability to respond without freezing (cycling through languages) has gotten better. Also, my ability to read text and understand the meaning has gotten better. I can read it, say it, listen to it, and understand a lot of the words. I'm still better reading with nikkud instead of without it, but I can recognize more words. My Chabad class attendance has decreased because of my Hebrew classes and my unstable internet. It is frustrating to start a class and not be able to listen to it. I've been instead, listening to recordings of the classes posted on YouTube. I have also been listening to more classes online with the Rabbi who sparkles. So, a new job, a new apartment, moving, still studying Hebrew, still listening to classes online, attending in person class, and there's still more. Life has not slowed or stood still in the past month. With so much more to say, the rest will have to wait for tomorrow. |
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