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My journal about my conversion to Judaism. |
I started writing my conversion story in June 2023, even though it started before then. It will not be in chronological order as I remember things from the past that brought me to this point in my life. My decision to convert was not an easy one. I grew up Pentecostal. I watched my grandma speak in tongues. My aunt played keyboard in the church band. I used to attend church (a member of a Baptist church for many years) 3 to 4 times a week. I did not start my journey of healing after my divorce and expect to end up here. However, my desire and work to grow closer to G-d has left me no doubt or question about where I am now. I have no hesitation in my conversion to Judaism. This is my story of leaving Christianity and becoming a part of a people that I will be able to, one day, proudly say that I am also. A Jew. |
I had a magical shabbat. I did have a couple people that said they were surprised that I came the week right after Yom Kippur. I admitted that it was a lot, but I loved being there. I wanted to be there. Today is the second day of Sukkot and we did a lot of special prayers including the Hallel which is amazing to hear. It definitely set me up for my magical afternoon. I sat in my first sukkah today. This week is the holiday of Sukkot. The sukkah is a hut built out of flimsy materials with a tree branch roof. It must have the sky visible and rain should be able to come through slats in the ceiling. It is the celebration of the provision of Hashem as they were rescued from Egypt by G-d. They dwelt in huts like the sukkah that is created during this holiday. It is required to eat in a sukkah for a week. The first one I was in was the sukkah at the Chabad where I attend shul. It had tarps for the sides and a pergola and branches for the roof. Apparently, there is a shortage of pergola because of the Canadian wild fires. That is where it is shipped from to the US for this special holiday. I had kiddush lunch in the sukkah. It was beautiful and everyone was happy. The weather was warm and there were few clouds in the sky. It was a perfect afternoon. I was then invited to the Rabbi's house again for lunch. His wife is just the sweetest woman ever and the best cook. I am not even close to her ability to cook. She always has so much food for the people there. They have a total of 10 children, all grown. A couple of their children were there with their families so there were a lot of people there again. We had lunch in the sukkah. I felt very honored and blessed to be able to spend shabbat and the first day of Sukkot with that family. One tradition the Rabbi has is to go around the table(s) and introduce yourself and say something on the topic he designates. They were all obviously used to the tradition. It was fun listening to them interact as a family. There was so much love and laughter. We were asked to say our names and our favorite Sukkah memory. I, of course, do not have a sukkah memory since it was my first day ever being in a sukkah. Their sukkah was the second one that I was in, and both were on the same day. I will not get a chance to be in another sukkah until next year. I live in the middle of no where and in a townhouse. I will look forward to being where I can enjoy them all week next year and every year after that. There is a special feeling when sitting in the sukkah. I bet it is beautiful under the night sky, just as it was in the sunlight. There is a warmth, a feeling of being blessed, and a special glow that comes from within that can't be described, only experienced. |
Yom Kippur is a 25 hour fast and an all day (and night before) prayer service. It is filled with beautiful prayers of asking G-d for forgiveness. It was quite exhausting. Not only did I fast for over 25 hours, but also stood a long time (hours) praying and concentrating on prayers. The concentration and reading became difficult the last hour of service. At that point, I had fasted 27 hours. Words started to run together. Then there was the fact that I hadn't showered since the morning before. One of the rules for Yom Kippur is not to wash. I felt gross. My hair felt gross. I wanted nothing more than to take a hot shower (one of the things I thank G-d for every time I get one). I pictured the stench coming off of me and filling the entire room like a cloud of yuck. Of course, that is an exaggeration, but it didn't seem like it by the end of the day. At least not that day. I did smell my clothes the next day and they smelled just fine, so it was just me worrying for nothing, but I'm used to showering every morning. I enjoy showering every morning. This part was difficult for me for sure. Then there was the part of me being me. I have to be the only person who can fast for over 24 hours and suddenly, in the middle of praying, start choking on my own spit. How did I even have that much spit at that point? Seriously? Normally, my mouth would be completely dry, but not the day I fasted in the presence of a hundred other people. No, then I had so much spit in my mouth that I had to embarrass myself by choking on it. I spent three nights at my host's house. It was nice getting to know her a little more. She really is a wonderful woman. She has a pond and a creek behind her house. It was a beautiful escape and a great spot to refresh the mind and talk with G-d. I'm attaching the photos (if I get it right) I took of the pond and the creek. It's amazing that in the middle of a stressful day, event, or place, G-d can provide such peace. I am so thankful to my host, S, for the possibility to have this experience. Without her, I would just be reading about it instead of experiencing it. I'm also thankful for H who let me nap at her house between services. I am blessed with having found a wonderful community with women so inviting and helpful. This next weekend starts Sukkot. I will not be able to do all of the events for the holiday due to work obligations, but I get to enjoy one day of it, and I'm very much looking forward to it. |
This is my first High Holiday season. This weekend is Yom Kippur. Yom Kippur is the day of atonement. That means that we will be asking G-d for forgiveness, feel regret for our wrongdoing, and never do those mistakes again. I am heading down state tomorrow to go to my host's house until the evening of Yom Kippur. I honestly have no idea what to expect. It still seems that most of the rules I get during my online classes are geared towards men. I know the ladies at shul will help me, but I have to be there to learn and to understand. I imagine Shabbat to be a normal day, but Yom Kippur starts Sunday night. What should I expect? It goes until Monday. Is it just like any other day and I will be sitting there at the house reading? Are we all going to be gathered together. Do we go to shul and if so what time? Do only men go to shul like during the regular week? Though firsts are often nice, sometimes they are difficult when coming into that first feeling completely unprepared. |
Some conversations bring you back to reality. Jews are not able to drive on Shabbat, so they live within walking distance to shul. When a few of them were walking to shul, a car drove passed and the people yelled out the window, "HAY JEWS!" One was upset that children were with them at the time. They work really hard to shelter their children from hatred. A couple said that they were so sheltered that they didn't even know it existed until they were older. There are armed guards at the shul and discussions of safety are a regular conversation. I have never understood hate, and I hope I never do. I didn't get home Sunday night until after 10. I chatted with my daughter for a few minutes, wrote, and went to bed. I was asleep after midnight and had to be up at 5 am for work. It made for a long Monday with my brain not wanting to function as fully as needed. Monday was also The Fast of Gedaliah. It is to remember Gedaliah ben Achikam the governor of the Jews under the Babylonians who was murdered. This murder made it so Jews could not settle in Israel until 371 BCE. You can read more here https://www.chabad.org/library/article_cdo/aid/2316462/jewish/Tzom-Gedaliah-Fast... After the amount of food over the weekend, it was the easiest fast I have ever done. Even the side effects of fasting all day without food or water was minimal. Though it wasn't my first fast, it was for that specific day on the Jewish calendar. It was another first in a long weekend of firsts. And the high holidays are not over yet. This weekend is Yom Kippur. |
There are holidays that people attend worship only on that day. The second day of Rosh Hashanah was one of those days. I woke up a little after 6, but since I felt like a bother the morning before, I stayed in bed until I heard my host up and around. I then showered and and got ready for shul. This time I think she was ready to go before I was ready. I thanked her again for letting me stay and for everything: food, kindness, company, knowledge, lighting of the candles on Shabbat, and so much more. I know how lucky I am to have made her as a friend. Shul was pretty empty during the morning part of the service. We arrived before 9 am and again I moved up by the ladies that were there so I did not sit alone. The Chazzan (the one who chants the prayers) did a lot of work. They again auctioned off the Torah readings. There was so much more to the service and so many special moments. There is a custom to touch the Torah scroll with the prayer book as it is brought around or to touch it with your hand. Most of the women go up to the front to the partition and reach over with their prayer book and touch the scroll. I have held back from doing this because I felt that it was not yet my privilege to do so since I am not a Jew yet. However, the women did not feel the same. I was not only encouraged to go up to the partition and touch the scroll, I was held up front at the partition and told to touch the scroll. I'm still not sure that I should have been given that honor to do it yet, but I will never forget it. Perhaps I am just a sentimental woman, but there is a true feeling of awe and reverence when that prayer book touches the scroll. This was not the only special moment of the service though. A little after 11:30, the shul filled with so many people that there was not only full rows, but no standing room left. There were so many people packed into the shul that I am sure people had to stand in the doorway or out in the hall even with everyone hugged in together. There was prayer, and then for the first time in my life, I heard the shofar blow. It started off quiet with short bursts but it made my entire body shake. Someone had told me that when they heard it, it made their back hair stand up and they didn't even have back hair. I wasn't sure what that meant until I heard it. The first time it blew it was short and the shul cleared out after that first time. There is a mitzvah (law or good deed) to hear it once a year. Since they did their mitzvah for the year, they left. I, of course, stayed. Service wasn't close to over. The second time the shofar blew was when it really got me. I could feel it in every cell of my body. Every cell shook. For a brief moment, I felt that I didn't belong there. I was infringing on something holy and I wasn't chosen to be there. That brief thought became another conversation with Hashem. I wanted to be there. I chose to be there. I belonged there. And finally, by the end of my conversation (all while the shofar was blowing) I was welcomed there. It was then that tears started to leak from my eyes and no matter how hard I tried, I could not hold them back. The ladies tried not to look, but I know that they kept looking. I had to ask the lady in front of me for a tissue multiple times because I kept soaking them. I didn't weep, but I didn't stop crying for a long time. I continued praying and following the service even with tears streaming from my eyes. I am sure that someone would say that it was soul in conversation with Hashem, or that my soul was repenting (which was entirely possible). All I know is that I have never walked into a church and felt what I did during that service. I, of course, will never walk into a church again, and I never want to miss out on another Rosh Hashanah service for the rest of my life. I don't even remember the time that we walked out of shul after the service ended, but I remember being amazed that over 6 hours had passed and it didn't feel that long. I had not left the shul to even use the bathroom the entire time. I walked with my friend H and her husband to their house. I had lunch there (more like normal dinner time than lunch). There are certain people that you meet in life that you feel connected to and can't explain why. They are people who feel privileged to meet and to get to know. They are people that inspire you and who you want to be or be like. They are people you hope to know for a very long time. That is my new friend H. She's just an amazing person. Her husband is a good person as well. I left and got home late. It was after 10 pm. I talked with my daughter A2 and my friend L who helped me process everything that happened over the weekend. There is so much more to say. The holiday weekend wasn't quite over yet. The Fast of Gedaliah or Tzom Gedaliah Fast Day was Monday. A short bit about the fast and more about the weekend will be in my next entry. Thank you Hashem for your many blessing this weekend. I am truly thankful. |
Have you ever eaten a fish head? Me neither! However, during dinner on Saturday night (at a table of 10) fish head was offered as a ritual to celebrate the head of the year. Apparently, there were people with a calf head on their dinner table. Cooked fish heads were bad enough. There may just be some traditions that maybe should be let go or changed a bit. So my Saturday was busier than my Friday. The first day of Rosh Hashanah. I got up early at six like I normally do on Saturdays when I stay at my daughter's house and got dressed and ready for Shul. I am sure that my host, S, was not excited about my early morning routine. We arrived to shul quite early. I don't think she knew what to do so early in the morning with a stranger in the house. The service was long and there weren't very many people in attendance. I moved up to someone else's seat (there was a seating chart for the regulars) because my assigned seat was further back, and no one else was around me. The amazing ladies didn't like me sitting alone, so I was asked to move up. The shofar was not blown on the first day of Rosh Hashanah because it was also Shabbat. I guess this only happens once every ten years (I overheard). The service was still beautiful and heartfelt. I had my host telling me what was going on through the service because it was different from the other services I attended. Every service the Torah is read. During the holiday services, the readings are auctioned off. Congregation members pay quite a bit of money to have the privilege to go up and read the Torah aloud. Of course only the men go up in the Orthodox community. I know it is not a popular opinion, but I think that is the way it should be. Men and women are different and have different roles in the home, in society, and in the shul. I read a lot about the service and understand why people said to wear comfortable shoes. Mine were cute but comfortable, at least on the first day. It wasn't cold at all, which was nice, because it wasn't hot either. The Rabbi who glows gives a little message, sermon, or whatever you want to call it during the service. I already have heard some of the stories he tells or heard stories like them, but there is always something that he says that resonates with me and touches me. There is always some nugget of wisdom that sticks out that I can't forget. After service, I went to the Adorable Rabbi's house for lunch. His wife is a wonderful woman and so sweet. She was a great cook too. I tried a little bit of everything. I had my first gefilte fish. It was surprisingly good. As someone who has always avoided fist because of the taste, I could eat it and enjoy it. I actually liked all of the fish dishes that were made. I had my second drink of wine (in many years) at the lunch. It was a good wine that I wouldn't have a problem buying and drinking, and I don't drink. There were three courses (after the kiddush and the challah). It was a lot of food. After talking with a large group of strangers, hearing stories, watching children run around, and eating more food than I should have, I left back for my host's house a little after 5. This was not the end of the day though. There was still dinner! Yes, I went to a third stranger's house in two days for dinner, the fish head house. I had met the lady and her husband the week before and they are the ones that set me up with my host. They are the kind of people that you are thankful to have as friends because they bring so much joy to every relationship. I was able to help prepare help which was nice. It felt good to be useful and not just stand around or sit and watch everyone else do so much work. It wasn't awkward for a moment, which was quite unexpected. They set up candles so the lady of the house could light, then my host lit two, and then I was able to light two candles as well. If you've read any of my previous entries, you know how much the lighting of the candles means to me. This was two nights in a row that I was able to light candles. My heart was full. There was so much food. Remember that I had eaten so much food at lunch (with a few of the same people interestingly enough). I had to try the things I have never eaten though. I had matzo ball soup for the first time. I have been wanting to make it, but haven't had the chance with my busy schedule. I had two types of kugel, apricot (my favorite) and potato. They had non-dairy ranch dressing. I was so excited to be able to have a salad with non-dairy ranch dressing. I found some the other day at Meijer and picked up a bottle, but hadn't had the chance to try it yet. Again, there was multiple courses. However, being the first night of Rosh Hashanah, there were certain things that were necessary to do eat and say a blessing on. We had challah with honey (like I did at the Adorable Rabbi's and at dinner the night before). We had an apple dipped in honey. We had a carrot (forgot why). We had a fresh date. We had celery with raisins (to symbolize a raise in salary - get it?). We had pomegranate seeds. I think I'm forgetting something. All of these small things were before the meal and all of them had meaning and a brucha (blessing). Of course there was the fish heads to represent the head of the year (not the tail). I passed on that (really gross!). Fish heads aside, all of the food was amazing. And the desert was amazing too. We ate a starfruit before desert because we needed to eat a fruit that we had not eaten in a long time. I'm too tired to remember why, but it was important. There were different tribes of Jews at the table so some traditions differed. Sephardic Jews have different customs that Ashkenazi Jews. Listening to the discussions was a learning experience. There were long discussions on traditions and reasoning, but what I love about it is that it was all friendly and accepting of each other's differences. Discussions were about learning about each other and learning about each other's differences. It was always friendly. Being a teacher, I can compare it to two teachers who teach the same lesson and discuss how they teach the same material differently. Neither is wrong, just different and both accepted. I won't get into the comparison between the amazing people sitting at the table and those that I have eaten with at church. There is no comparison. If you were to define yourself with the company you keep and people you surround yourself with, I would choose every person at that table Saturday night without question. They may all live a bit differently and have a few different traditions, but when it came time to pray or sing to G-d, they were the same and had the same enthusiasm. They have the same morals and beliefs. You certainly can't say that with Christianity or any other religion for that matter. Every moment I spent with them made me wish I never had to leave. I did finally leave the house with my host and went back to my host's house well after midnight. They were still there eating and talking. I believe it was after 1:30 am before I climbed into bed. It was a long, amazing and unforgettable night. This is not the end. There's still day two of Rosh Hashanah. |
Happy New Year! Yes, it is the Jewish new year! I just ended my first ever Rosh Hashanah. It was three days of prayers, rituals, celebrations, and an amazing amount of food. Since it is very late on Sunday night, I am going to talk about my Friday night. Since there is so much to tell, I will add more about the weekend over the next couple of days. I worked Friday until about 4 and then rushed to my car and drove the three hours to the community that I am slowly becoming a part of to have dinner with someone I had met the week before and stay at her house. Yes, for the first time in my life, I stayed at a stranger's house. It was as awkward the first night as anyone would expect it to be. I made it to her house about fifteen minutes before we were to light candles. Her family (extended) was there. I sat at the table of a stranger with her mother, brother, and sister-in-law. We did kiddush (a prayer over wine or grape juice), and I realized that it was real wine a bit too late. However, with the awkwardness of the night already, I didn't say anything and finished off the glass of wine. It was actually helpful. I don't remember if we lit candles before or after the challah, but I thought it was very thoughtful that she had two candles out for herself to light, two for her sister-in-law to light, and two for me to light. We then said our bruchas (blessings) together. Because it was a holiday and it was the new year, it was technically the first time that year that we had lit candles, so they helped me through a new brucha (blessing) for the experiencing a first. The challah was a honey challah because of the holiday. Honey is added to almost everything, "to have a sweet year." It was a honey wheat and it was delicious. The lady, S, that I stayed with is vegan, so all of the food we ate was meatless. I tried everything. The salad, the beans, and more. It was all very good. It was the first meal I had eaten that day besides a bagel. I had a very busy day and worked through my lunch. Dinner was perfect. Of course her family knew I was arriving and that I am converting. This, of course, meant a lot of questions. I don't know that I can answer all of the questions that everyone asks, but so far, questioning starts the same way. What made you want to convert to Judaism? The simple question of why does not have a simple answer. There is no one thing. There is not a day that I woke up and said, "Oh, I think I'll become Jewish today." No, it was a long process that took years of questioning who I was, my life, my beliefs, my relationship with G-d, my family, my history and my family's history. And then there was the slow letting go of what I knew was wrong and the gradual step toward what I knew was right and where I knew I needed to be. My steps are no longer little or gradual. I to the point of meaningful and purposeful steps with a lengthened stride and holding back on the desire to sprint because I know there are still miles to run. We did a lot of discussion about Judaism, traditions, and the new year. My host's brother asked what year it was (5084) and then said, "I just got used to writing 5083 on my checks." I thought it was a clever joke. Obviously no one writes that date on their checks since the world runs on the secular calendar. It's not funny when I explain it, I know, but I laughed. They were happy to have met me and left after 10pm. I helped my host clean the table, we talked for a short amount of time, and then we went to bed. There were some things that she did differently. She did not have lights turned on throughout her house. She said she normally just walks around in the dark. I hadn't heard of anyone doing that, because I heard that the lights being on in the house symbolized the fact that Jews were a light to the world showing G-d's light. There was a lot of differences between her house and the other two houses that I visited this weekend. I will talk more about that tomorrow. Have a great night! |
You know when you have so much to say that you don't know where to begin and what all to include? I had so much happen over the weekend that I couldn't write it down. I had to organize my thoughts. Friday I missed candle lighting. I didn't make it to my daughter's (A1) down state until after dark. She wasn't there to light the candles. I was sad that they weren't shining. There is a special feeling that I can only describe as a kindling of part of the soul that doesn't shine when they're not lit. I will get to see them lit this weekend, but more of that later. Saturday my daughter, A2, woke early and dressed to attend shul with me. I was excited to take her because I knew she would enjoy it. We left on time to make it at the perfect time. Unfortunately, I did not say the Wayfarer's Prayer before I left and things did not go well. There was a long traffic jam in a construction zone. My car was about to overheat so I had to pull onto the very tiny shoulder of the road and let it cool down. I babied to a safe pull off spot and finished letting it cool down. It took over a half hour. We were very late for shul. I was sad because she missed a lot. We arrived during the reading of the Torah. The lady who has talked me every week came and made sure we knew what page we were supposed to be on. I looked at other people's books to find out where we were exactly. I knew the portion so knew where to start looking, but it was helpful to find out what verse in that portion we were on. She asked a lot of questions during the service. She seemed overwhelmed by the amount of things happening, though she didn't say that was so. During the kiddush luncheon, she was able to meet a lot of people including my American Rabbi and the Rabbi who glows. After meeting them she understood my descriptions. She was able to see men dancing in a circle singing (due to celebrating a wedding that had occurred earlier that week) and a man get lifted in a chair. She smiled a lot. When we left, she said, "It looked like they were having fun, and I enjoyed watching them." That was it. Quite a flat and disappointing answer. During the kiddush luncheon, I met a lot of new people when one heard that I was only coming on Saturday and driving in my normal 2 and a half hour drive and that this would be my first Rosh Hashanah. Word actually spread quickly, and I was offered multiple places to go so I could attend all of Rosh Hashanah. I am now spending the night at a stranger's house Friday night to experience my first Erev Rosh Hashanah with a Jewish family. I actually get to witness in person another woman lighting the candles for her family and welcoming in the Shabbat! I am excited to experience it for the first time, and they will get this counted as a mitzvah. Win, win! I'm nervous about spending the night though. I will then attend the first day of services and spend dinner at either the Rabbi's house, or if they forgot, I another stranger's house. I feel so blessed to be a part of this community. I love the people that I have met and finally feel like I'm where I belong. Every weekend it gets easier to think about letting go of my current life and living one as an observant member of that community. So my Hebrew teacher, GZ, helped me a lot this week to prepare of Rosh Hashanah this weekend. He went over the Parsha with me in Hebrew and explained it to me. I'm hoping that I won't get as lost because of his help. He then explained what Rosh Hashanah means. We have already gone over the fact that rosh means head, but I didn't piece it into the name of the holiday until he explained it to me. Rosh means head, the ha when put at the beginning of a word means the, and shanah means year, so Rosh Hashanah means head of the year. I also have a friend, L, who is giving me a lot of advice and helping me understand the different aspects of the services, traditions, and prayers. It's nice to have so many people help me understand. I'm excited (and nervous) about this important holiday that I get to experience for the first time in my life. I'm grateful that I get to experience it with others. Thank you Hashem. |
It is Tuesday which means I made my challah dough and put it in the fridge. On Thursday night, I will bake my challah to use for Shabbat on Friday night. I can no longer make it on Friday morning because of work. Pictures of my challah that I made one weekend are posted below. I was asked what I am going to do about observing Shabbat when the days get short, and the honest answer is, "I don't know!" I don't know how I am going to keep up with my job and my studies. I don't know how I am going to keep driving to shul (5 hours of driving) each week. I don't know how I am going to be able to prepare the house and dinner before Shabbat starts when I might have only an hour between the time I get home and candle lighting. I just don't know. I don't know how I'm going to participate in Yom Kipper. Yom Kipper is Sunday night and Monday. I work Monday. I have students testing that day. How can I go to shul (5 hours of driving) and participate in activities when I have obligations? Honestly, there's a lot that I don't know. I'm just going to keep learning and trying my best to serve Hashem and grow closer to him, because I love him. I know Hashem is leading me and I'm following. Because of this, I know if it is his will, I will figure it out and it will work out. I hope you like my challah bread. It does taste as good as it looks! |
As I have shared my decision to convert to Judaism with friends, family, and others, I have been told a lot of things. I have been told that I have been lied to. That I am being misled. That I am going to Hell. That I am denying Jesus so he is going to deny me in Heaven. That I am running from Christianity towards legalism. However, I just think about days like this weekend and what others say doesn't matter. When my daughter lit the Shabbat candles in her home because I was still driving and had not arrived. They were lit when I arrived. Her sister asked if she had to use fake candles and she said, "No," but that she did it for me (I love them shining all of Shabbat). My heart was full. The love and kindness that my girls showed me would warm the heart of any parent. They also enjoyed playing dress up with me as I tried on different outfits for Shabbat (why is in an earlier entry). They even picked out my shoes! I am very blessed. I arrived early for Shabbat. Arriving early is harder than arriving late because so much is going on that it hard to tell when service actually starts. I was able to figure it out and was able to follow along with the Hebrew reading much easier than previous weeks. Unfortunately, I am a slow reader and even the Chazzan's singing of the text is faster than I can read. I also cannot do the responses in the necessary allotted time like others can. There was one woman who read so quickly during our time to read a response aloud that I couldn't focus on my own text, not that I would have been able to finish before the Chazzan continued. My Hebrew has greatly improved though. I can read the Hebrew, and when I get behind, I can find where the Chazzan is at by reading the text in Hebrew (what the Chazzan is speaking) and catch back up. I could not do this a couple of weeks ago. My Hebrew seems to be getting better a noticeable amount every week. I however, do need to work on my verb conjugations which I have not done. I have been spending a lot of time reading silently and aloud in Hebrew and using a vocabulary list to find words in a paragraph, but not enough time on the conjugations I need to do. The High Holidays start in a couple of week beginning with Rosh Hashanah. Booking a seat in shul is required during the High Holidays because those who don't attend regularly attend during that time. During kiddush lunch, the main Rabbi's wife (I call him The Adorable Rabbi) asked me to sit by her and we talked a lot. It is always very loud in there (because everyone is so social), but even though I had to ask her to repeat herself a few times, we talked for a long time. We talked so long that the people I normally have talked to since attending, I didn't even get to say hello to. We just waved across the room. She then invited me to lunch after shul on Rosh Hashanah. It is an extra long service and there is no kiddush afterwards. I don't normally eat very much during the kiddush luncheon because of my long drive home. I don't want to have to use the bathroom and not be near one. She told me to bring my appetite. I guarantee at that time, I won't have a choice but to eat. I will be hungry. I will have to worry about what that will mean for my drive home and plan on using gas station bathrooms. Not happy about that thought, but it was nice being invited. Since that invitation is two weeks away, I can't help but wonder if she will forget that she invited me. A long list of "what ifs" go through my mind that I try to brush aside, but it is hard. Remember that I am new to this community and I don't know these people beyond class online and a few hours of lunch chat. I am not only converting to a new religion, I am entering a community full of its own rituals and behaviors, and I am just trying to fit in and belong. As I look forward to the upcoming holidays, school is starting tomorrow. My ability to balance everything is going to be challenged since I have done nothing this month except think about Judaism. As the craziness of my schedule starts, I have one thing to look forward to this Saturday. My youngest daughter, A2, is joining me for shul. Have a wonderful week everyone! |