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Experiences and thoughts based on my everyday life |
| This book will contain my daily thoughts. |
| It has been a bit since I last updated. Sometimes, life swallows me whole and it takes everything I have to just get through the day. Writing takes a back seat. Then, when I finally catch up on everything I have to do, and I have a little time to engage in things I like to do, I kick myself for not scheduling time to write, or craft. My therapist consistently urges me to make the time. So here I am. Just as things were settling, and we were wading into life in our apartment together- BAM! A curveball! I was sitting at the dining table, organizing kitchen items at 11:30 in the morning. I heard a key in the lock of our front door. Hmmmmm. Strange. My mind shot through too many worries to count in the span of the few seconds it took for the door to open. There stood my fiancé, the lunch bag I had sent him to work with three hours earlier. I stood up. My mind continued to race, and the look on his face was not helping matters. "Sweetie..." he began. I sat down. "I just got laid off." Immediate anger filled my entire being. "Are you f***ing kidding me!? I f***ing knew it! I had a premonition of this yesterday, but kept it to myself." He looked teary eyed, but also relieved at the same time. I asked how it went down. As he relayed the story to me, I felt betrayed by the people he worked with. People that I had just sent blueberry muffins to just a couple of days before. People I considered our friends. I was seething with rage. They were intimately aware of our struggles the past few months- me being unhoused, then having to sleep on our friend's couch together for over a month when my fiancé lost his housing due to the wildfires here. We chose our apartment based on his job location, picking a place on the same street as the theater. They all knew the many roadblocks and difficulties we faced, and how we were just getting acclimated to our new home. They all knew that I was not working, due to my many health issues. The mere mention of his supervisor's name made me upset. The guy always gave me the ick. He was standoffish, and carried an air of superiority. Glib. Even when he lost his own home in the wildfires, and we rushed to help him, he came off as stuck up. I offered brand new clothing for his toddler, and he refused my gift. Rick, my fiancé, would say, "Kevin is my friend!" But just under the surface, I knew this wasn't true. Rick tries see the good in everyone, and while he thought Kevin was his friend, he truly did not see that the feelings were not mutual. So this termination came as quite a shock. This would also mean that we would not be booking the theater as our wedding venue. While this is a minor blip on the radar compared to Rick losing his employment, it still stung, deeply, on my end. We made the difficult decision to not only postpone our wedding, but to put the money we would have used for the wedding into a savings account to keep us afloat while Rick finds work. Not wanting to add any stress to Rick, I largely kept my opinion and worries to myself. I decided I would bury myself in my reselling venture, and house sitting. I calmly asked him what he would like to do. He said he would file for unemployment, and work on his own creative projects while looking for work. I only want him to be happy and feel creatively fulfilled. So I tried to keep my feelings and disdain for his former employer, and the two faced people that worked there, to myself. But I cannot lie, my disappointment comes out at times, especially when he brings it up to other friends. Snide comments just slip right out of my mouth. The past month has been busy for me. I have not had a lot of time to worry about anything too far in the future. I have had two house/pet sitting gigs, with a bit of overlap for a week. We have been staying at Rick's friend Ben's house with his dog Frida, while also feeding my friend Kirk's four cats and macaw, and also doing organizing work for him, as well. The money for those jobs keeps food on the table, and will also help with rent and bills until Rick either gets unemployment, or finds another job, or jobs, as he may choose to do freelance work for a bit. Ben has asked us to come back to stay for another two week stint from Mid May until June 1st. I am happy that he trusts us to take care of the house and Frida. But I am definitely looking forward to being in our own space for a bit. But Rick will be in New York with his mom for his daughter Scarlet's college graduation for five days, so I will have to fend for myself, in this big house, with just Frida for company. A few days ago, we had a one night break from house sitting, as Ben had one day home before he had to leave again for work. That morning, Rick's phone rang, and I could hear a familiar voice on the other end of the line. KEVIN. Rick's former boss. Asking him to do freelance work for the theater, on a big rush project. And Rick happily accepted. I scoffed. While we need the money, my first inclination was to say, "f*** THEM." But Rick is not one to burn bridges. That same day, a company that Rick worked for during the pandemic called and offered him side work on a rush project they have fabricating animatronic Stitch figures for the new movie. He worked Friday and Saturday, and will work Monday and Tuesday for them, then will begin to work from home on Wednesday, designing large puppets of LeBron James and another athlete for a marketing campaign for the theater. In the midst of that, I have been working almost non-stop on my reselling. Long hours, headaches, and backaches are becoming the norm, but sales are coming through, slowly but surely. These sales will allow me to put a little capital back into my own venture, which will mean more sales. This has effectively rendered me as the breadwinner. This is a point of pride for me, as it proves that I will do whatever it takes to keep us housed and fed. But I also feel like I am bearing the weight of our world on my shoulders. I am nervous, and anxious. I will try to write here more frequently, as I make time to do what I feel is right. I miss being on here daily. |
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