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Wed, Aug 20, 2025

8:46pm EDT

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Blog/Journal Type Entries

by Samantha

Rated: E · Book · Experience · #2336510

Experiences and thoughts based on my everyday life

This book will contain my daily thoughts.

Show Recent Comments

9 Most Recent Blog Comments:

Kåre เลียม Enga

Aug 11, 2025 at 3:13pm
In response to "The View From Under the Bus"

Well... an apology. It's been almost three weeks but does your therapist help families? Because... from what you've shared elsewhere... you family has had generational issues (I read about Tammy). Your brother and his boyfriend may benefit from therapy, as might any other siblings and cousins.

"It takes a village" is a wise phrase; but, what if the village is toxic?

Soldier_Mike

Jul 15, 2025 at 11:58pm
In response to "I Didn't Follow the Golden Rule"

I understand how strict leasing folks can be, so I hope you, Rick and your daughter can come up with a truly workable solution. I'm very glad your psych was able to get you back on track, meds-wise.

Jeff

Jun 19, 2025 at 11:54pm
In response to "The Invisible One"

I'm sorry that things have been so difficult for you lately, and I can definitely identify with the anxiety of being in Los Angeles and seeing what's going on here. But I'm glad you're doing the things you need to do (therapy, taking the time to write, etc.) to get through it!

Jeffrey Meyer

Jun 9, 2025 at 8:49pm
In response to "Doubt Creeps."

We are out own worst enemies. Well...us and Rick's bitchy ex.

Recently having had my diagnosis of depression upgraded to bipolar II with depressive something- or- other, I understand and appreciate what you mean about: "Oh THAT'S why I do that!" Now if I could only put that knowledge to good use. *eyeroll*

It's hard to stand and not run (or crawl inside, which is my safety coping mechanism). But you're standing. I guess it's kinda like AA: you're standing today, and that's the best you can do. Tomorrow, you'll do the best you can.

I have a feeling you'll do even a little bit better than today.

--Jeffrey

Stik to My Own Beat

Jun 5, 2025 at 3:55pm
In response to "Sometimes, the Trade Off does Not Seem Worth It"

Yeah, chemo is rough. I know it was quite a lot for my mom to endure (although strangely the radiation made her more likely to nap).

Stik to My Own Beat

May 14, 2025 at 2:24pm
In response to "Stupid, stupid, stupid."

That...seems a bit off, at least to me. I'm also surprised Rick didn't mention an NDA. As someone who works with data that falls under HIPPA protection, I have been forthcoming with my husband of what I can/cannot share with him.

Jeffrey Meyer

Apr 28, 2025 at 4:25pm
In response to "It'll Be Okay, Right?"

I am won't to piss and moan about the house I live in. There's a lot of problems with it. But there's a lot of people that would LIVE to have a house with problems, because it beats having no house at all.

Your perseverance keeps people like me humble.

I hope we are very soon reading of your successes again, my friend.

--Jeffrey

Dorianne

Mar 15, 2025 at 5:59pm
In response to "Good Soup."

I wish that I had to patience to do all of the steps to prepare the fabulous meal you described. This sounded and I/m sure) tasted like a masterpiece.
I do cook but someone always puts their foot in their mouth by saying I used the phone to call for something like take out, instead of the actual work.
My thought is BRAVO! Your husband and his son were treated to a meal that would be declared 'fit for a king!'
The instructions were clear. You shared your step by step work. You made it sound easy. The whole thing would motivate someone to try to cook as well.
Thanks for sharing. And I might have to try some dish like that in the future. I have enough cook books so that could be easy.

Conrad Moriarty

Mar 10, 2025 at 2:20pm
In response to "Hello, my name is..."

Awesome to hear of your strength, conviction, and inherited wisdom! I am fascinated by spirit guides. Anyway,
I’m new here. Conrad Moriarty, but alas, that is not my real name
😅

August 11, 2025 at 12:34pm

#1095089

Screaming Into the Void

I know I keep saying this, but I feel like I am screaming into the void.

Yesterday was particularly bad. Spent the whole day feeling "off", like something is about to happen. Waiting for the other shoe to drop. I just don't know exactly which shoe.

Rick has not been feeling well. Sleeping a lot. Looking downtrodden. Not able to focus. I suspect kidney issues. He had kidney issues as a kid and ended up having half of one kidney removed. He has been complaining of weird symptoms, like hot feet for a bit. He doesn't have medical coverage and hasn't for YEARS.

This man is EVERYTHING to me, and I cannot live without him.

I am trying to get him an appointment at a community health clinic, but the wait is 6-8 weeks to see a doctor.

My daughter has been here for almost a month. I am still struggling with how to help her. She cannot stay here indefinitely, and I know that is what she wants. She cannot work a traditional nine to five due to heart defects, scoliosis, asthma and severe anxiety. I just don't know how to help her.

Our apartment is small, and navigating around small spaces and doing what we want to do can be tricky at times. She is a gamer, and is online from around 9 in the morning until 10 or later at night. When she is online, she is actively having conversations with her friends. It is hard to concentrate unless I have ear buds in playing music or a podcast to drown her out.

I hate complaining, because a year ago, I would have given anything to have her here. I have tried to gently talk to her about it, but every time, I feel like she panics, which then causes anxiety in me.

Rick's ADHD is causing him to not be able to concentrate, which makes him pace and fidget, and when that happens, he turns to gaming as well. Three people in a one bedroom apartment, all dealing with ADHD, anxiety, and health issues is a bit much for me this past week.

It is hard to be productive when everyone around you is doing their own things.

I am not operating efficiently. Not coming remotely close to reaching my potential.

I have all but abandoned my writing and that makes me incredibly sad. But there is so much I *have to* do, that I feel guilty doing what I *want to* do.

My new sewing machine has sat untouched, beyond threading. I want to get into designing my bags, but I do not have the capacity.

I am fighting like hell to avoid falling into depression. We are having money issues. With Rick doing freelance work, there is no way to budget. We are getting to the point that we are going to have to go to a food pantry to supplement what we do have in our cupboards.

At this point, the days are running into one another and I feel like I am just existing.

There's gotta be more to life, right?

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