1. I will write a personalized bad poem for you. You can tell me a little about yourself and I will put it into awful rhyme with terrible stinky imagery. You should probably be 18+ to bid on this, because I might talk about your intestines, but I haven't said anything a 13+ couldn't handle right now, right?
2. I will indeed go on a date in cyberspace with you, using stinky little endearments. (See above. I am a bad poetry specialist.) We can chat in the chat room or by email at a mutually convenient time. I am married, so this is a fantasy date with Katya the Poet. You should be 18+ or better yet 48+ for this one, because otherwise it's just too weird, OK?
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