Red Opium.

Well the past week has been a hard one. Between the kid at work calling my bluff, and one of my closest friends telling me I needed to choose not to crash (right in the middle of me crashing), I've not been well. But it's actually done me some good.

I'm trying to go back to grad school and have been working on my story for appliaction for ever. Little by little, a page or two a week, I've been tyring to get the story done. I've known for a while that my main character was a cutter, but I didn't feel comfortable with it. I've NEVER written about SI. My protagonist are mentally healthy, stable, friendly, outgoing people.

Last night the muse struck me over the head with a baseball bat. I stayed up from 7:30 a.m. until 4:30 a.m. and finished the story. It just kept pouring out of me. It's still only a rough draft and has revisions and edits that need to be done, but I think it's the best thing I've EVER written.

The professionals say you need to make your protagonist flawed in some way, and your antagonist likable in some way, for your story to run true. Here's the weird thing: My title character is both pro- and antagonist. Sort of like a Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde type thing.

When she's funny and witty and "alive" inside, she is the likable antagonist. She has all these beautiful traits, but it is that side of her that causes the sorrow that makes her cut. When she's depressed and SI and all that she is my flawed protagonist.

This really isn't a plug, I promise. This is me exploring the psyche of my own issues. I'm sure the story isn't as good as I feel like it is, but that's ok. The feeling it gave me to write it is undescribable. I feel like I know me a littler better.

Thanks guys! Aran, you have created a beautiful thing here.

Kaya