Writer's Fallout Shelter

Unintentionally, my foot. I guess there is such a thing as too subtle. Of course, I didn't goad you into it like that agent/editor friend of mine did to me. I wouldn't feel bad if I did, though. I think it's as good as an hour's therapy, if you are really honest with yourself and write it out. After I read what I wrote, I put less pressure on myself to even think about getting published (I was only practicing avoidance, anyway) and emphasized writing for the fun and joy of it. I ended up writing a lot more short stories and more poetry than I'd written in the last 10-12 years. I have since finished one novel, and self-published it (publication wasn't really the goal - finishing one novel-length work was - and around that time, I found Lulu.com, thought it looked like fun, and decided to try it). Anyway, writing that essay helped me get out of a long, dry spell. Not a "block," exactly - more like traditional procrastination/avoidance. The fear wasn't overt, but wrapped up in a lot of other things - it wasn't "fear of writing a novel," so much as "fear that I'll look like an idiot" or "fear of what I'll have to do/deal with later." Definitely a combination of "fear of failure" and "fear of success" (lovely how both can co-exist and feed one another). You think "how can anyone be afraid of success?" but it's almost worse. I don't fear rejection. I don't fear looking like an idiot - not really (I just don't want to embarrass my loved ones too badly). I think the thing I fear the MOST out of all that is being a one-trick pony. Now, if I ever write the second sh*tty novel, I will (with some luck) have gotten over that, too, once and for all. Fear of fame and fortune - well, I should be so lucky. I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. I completely trust my husband and my son to keep me grounded, to support me in reaching my goals and reaching for my dreams, and not letting me look too foolish in the process. So...nothing left but to write the second novel. And then to write the one that's meant to be published. At the rate I'm going, I'll be about 60 when that happens. Better late than never.