House of Reviews

Before I get to the meat of things, I need to make a suggestion. This may just be me, but you might want to revise that "put down the lid" line, because the subsequent lines ("take the ride down"), well, make it sort of sound like flushing a toilet. You clearly want to evoke being taken away by a powerful vortex, but I don't think that's the one you have in mind. I know, I know--that's what only a cretin would think, but you'd be amazed at the herds of intelligent cretins on the hoof (especially in university writing departments!).

Now, the language has good rhythm and carries the reader along. What I feel you need to do now is clarify your images. That last stanza, I like it--it sounds as if you are talking about an astonishing universe hemmed in only by the narrator's own skin and bone--is that right? The vortex contained within the narrator's own being? I'm not sure, and as a reader I need to better understand what you want me to feel. That is critical to this piece--what conflict are you resolving by taking this powerful voyage? Much of the imagery is so ethereal that it's hard to grasp and ground in understanding. Play with balancing earth with air, hard with soft.

Also, I'm curious about that "verdict"--I think I know what you're saying about judgement (or Judgement), but that word begs to generate more action in the poem.

Thanks for posting, and I'm sorry to take a while in reviewing--been sick, and trying to catch up.