Erotica Harem

MY COMMENTS WILL BE ** RED:
MY SUGGESTIONS WILL BE BLUE
REPEATING WORDS WILL BE underlined and bolded

Title: "Invalid Item"  (Demon in the Basement)

Chapter: "Invalid Entry"  (Chapter 13)

Author: Lady Rook

Plot: Is this the end?

Scene: Scenery was beautifully described, especially in reference to their bodies.

Character Development: An intimate ending, Traci. I have nothing to add here. The characters remained strong, ut I wanted a much more detailed end to Lucien. Again, it might not be the end of him, eh?

Grammar: See below - minor suggestions.

Personal Opinion: Overall the premise of the story is very good. Demon to Angel and a battle of good between evil. It's short, sweet and to the point. There is a lot of sexual tension herein, thanks to Nazan.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Please remember that these are only my opinions.
Please use whatever you feel is right for you.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Chapter Thirteen – Dessert
Emme woke in a forest, her dress soaked with blood and her head pounding with a nasty migraine. She stared at the moon high above the trees for a long time and thought of Nazan. She felt something missing inside her, a piece of her being had been lodged free. (passive voice) Was it a good or bad piece? Crickets chirped a lulling tune and the oak leaves rustled. She felt at peace.

Fingers curled with hers. She turned her head and stared into the stranger’s eyes. The night washed them of color and she wanted to believe they were black and as devoid of irises as Nazan’s. The man lying on his side in the dead leaves beside her forced a pained smile.

“My Emme,” he muttered. His eyelids slipped shut.

The coppery scent of blood rent the air. She sat up, unwilling to let go of his hand. He looked like a man, his skin far too dark in the eerie moonlight. His silver hair shimmered as a cool breeze passed through the trees. He was handsome and hurt, and she sensed that his appearance was an illusion. Magic weaved wove its way through her mind. and she (?) * Just to give better clarity here that it was her magic. (?) She sent it forth to caress the stranger’s thoughts. She read his emptiness, the sorrow in his turning dreams. Her heart thrummed faster and her eyes widened.

“Oh my God,” she whispered. Emme bent over him and saw the wounds on his back. Gobbets of flesh and feathers clung to his ebony skin. She let go of his hand and tore at the skirt of her dress. With shaking fingers, she dressed his injuries as best she could.

She sat beside him and held his hand as she tried to remember how she’d come to this place. Water trickled over rocks nearby. Bullfrogs croaked and leaves rustled. She felt safe in this part of the woods. The memory of Lucien kissing her was the last thing her mind recalled. From there, (comma) she remembered nothing else. (?) it was all blank.

* * * *

Dawn set the sun into motion, lighting the forest in shades of gold. Emme opened her eyes and stared at the colors. A heavy arm rested over her waist. Something hard pressed into her ass, familiar in its urgency. “Nazan?” she muttered and tried to turn. His grip on her body tightened, holding her in place.

“Be still,” he whispered.

A hot tongue licked the back of her neck. She trembled. Teeth nipped her skin. Wet kisses left trails along her shoulder as the stranger piqued her lust. “I want you,” he said against her ear. “My Emme.”

He thrust his cock against her ass. Its length wedged between her cheeks. Emme held still, though she felt the urge to wriggle in order to set him in position. He cupped her breast, squeezing it, kneading the softness until her nipple stood out. She looked down expecting claws to extend from his black fingers but only fingernails, short and neat, bit into her skin.

“I came back for you,” he whispered against her cheek. Then he turned her to face him.

Emme gasped at his beauty. She’d read about angels, luminous beings possessing godly splendor. He did indeed fit the description. His symmetrical face glowed in the sunlight. His eyes, black and swirling with rainbow colors held her attention. His pert lips were not nearly as large as they had been as a demon, but still, she longed to kiss them. Silver bangs fell across his forehead. She reached up to brush them away. “You’re so…”

He touched the tip of his nose to hers brushing it side to side. “Hm?”

“Magnificent.”

“You don’t want me to be a demon again?”

“I thought you were handsome then.” She strained to kiss him and he pulled his head back, a mischievous gleam in his eyes.

“You have dark tastes.”

She giggled at him. “You’re dark enough for me.” Emme laid her hand on his cheek and stared at him in wonder. “Your wings?”

“There is nowhere I want to fly to. Not with you beside me. Both are fragmented sentences. Might I suggest: There is nowhere I want to fly, at least, not without you beside me. (?) The skin has healed over. Your love binds my wounds and heals the hollow in my soul.”

“Yours does that to me as well.”

“Do you still want me?” he murmured. He grabbed her ass, forcing her hips against his body. His penis dug into her belly.

“I wouldn’t damn you a second time.” She watched his brows furrow. A hint of his prior form remained in that simple expression. “What? Not the right answer?”

He rolled her beneath him and spread her legs with his. “I’ve chosen my damnation.” Nazan kissed her hard, in a hungry way. His tongue, less wide and demanding than before, crushed against hers. His body weighed on her chest as Emme gasped for air between his forceful kisses. His hand remained between her ass and the earth, holding her stationary. In a desperate action, he plunged his bulky cock deep inside her. She whimpered under the impaling. “You’re mine,” he said in a husky voice. “My damnation, now and forever.”

She tried to raise her hips, imploring his body to rock, but he disobeyed, motionless and stiff within her. “Not yet.”

Emme closed her eyes and raised her chin, arching her back to feel the heat of his chest. His heartbeat pounded out its unsteady rhythm. She wished he would begin, that he would pull out and drive himself in, but he tortured her by waiting. He pushed his hand between their bodies, his thumb searching for her clit. Skin met skin in a languid massage of sparking nerves. Her channel throbbed with each pressing caress he stroked into her swelling clitoris.

Leaves crackled beneath her body. The sounds of the forest, free and moving all around, made her feel like an exhibitionist tempting a voyeur. Her harried breathing caught. Nazan drew precise circles on the most sensitive part of her body. She moaned. When she tried to move, he gripped her butt tight, his silent command for her to stop moving. He teased until she edged on the cusp of an orgasm. As if he knew she teetered there, he stopped.

Emme opened her eyes. “Don’t stop.”

His fantastic eyes narrowed in his lust. He swept his hands to her hips, clutched them and lifted his body so that he knelt, his erection filling her. Then he began the first thrust, slow, controlled, he pulled away then filled her with his length. She threw her arms above her head as he throttled her body, heaving her hard (?) toward him hard each time. Leaves caught in her hair, the debris on the forest floor clung with dew to her skin. They both moaned in frantic gasps as the pace heightened.

Emme clenched her legs about his waist as he slammed her hard. She swooned as the throes of her passion consumed her reason. Her thighs quavered. Her pussy embraced his penis, (comma) forcing out cold * Cold? *chuckles* He got a fridge in there? bursts of semen as they climaxed.

He pulled her up against his sweat-beaded body and clung to her. She hugged him back, her limbs shaking, her body pleasantly numb. Emme ran her fingers over his shoulders down to the place where the stumps of his wings ought to be. She found only bare skin, naked and human and devoid of scarring.

“What’s happened?” she murmured. “Nazan?”

He kissed her neck, his lips gentle. “I’m hungry.”

“What’s happened to your body?”

He drew her back to look at him. His eyes had faded from their unique rainbow hue. Whites framed the circular irises. Plain brown rimmed his black pupils. In every way, Emme realized, he appeared human.

“I chose you,” he said. “My Father approved.”

Her brow furled in wonder and confusion. She regarded the handsome man he had become. She intended to free him, to return him to the world of demons and angels, yet he’d returned to her a changed being. He’d chosen humanity instead. “What are you hungry for?” she asked for lack of anything better to say.

He chuckled a low rumbling laugh that reminded her of leathery wings and great, curving horns. His smile widened over human teeth that once appeared sharp and dagger-like. “I’m hungry for dessert.”

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **