Erotica Harem

Hi Traci,
Thank you so much for taking a look at this. I must admit, we (zane and I) just couldn't keep from writing vanity humorously, and I've been on pins and needles waiting to hear if we would have to redo it. So now I can breathe a little sigh of relief.

I was also concerned over the lack of description in settings, but the story covers a length of time and moving around to so many locations, it would have added a lot of words. Thus, I'm glad you didn't find it too lacking in that area as well.

Today is dedicated to reviews. As soon as I get through that, I'll go make the changes you suggest as well as fix those commas which make me nuts.

I do have one question about this sentence: You want those apples of tits, those titapples, so bad from the tree of Eves--those apples that hang between any set of branches of any tree that parks its roots by you every night---and every time you reach to pluck, as it were, you get the arrow shot through like some half-assed William Tell! I see it, my boy, I see it.”

I was afraid that it might read as though the "Eves" needed an apostrophe. In this case "Eves" is used in place or to represent "women". I really like it as it fits the Hugh V. Hefner character so well. But now I'm wondering if it will present a problem as written. I'm not sure whether to change that or not.

One other thing. I read this review through my email. All of the instances of the word "fuck" were replaced with "f**k". At first I thought we made a big booboo and weren't allowed to use it. Odd, it's not that way here on the board.

Thanks again for taking a look at this. It's much appreciated.

LB