Erotica Harem

Setting is great; I am there.
It has a great tone and its own mood.

Below are a very few things that you may or may not want to consider. Nothing major...so great job!!!!!!


Chapter 5 – Oden


Nainie ran through the blackberry brambles, not caring that they tore at his skin. Behind him, three women whooped in succession as his loincloth flew up, revealing his backside. ‘I must see her again, before tonight, before my life is decided for me.’ He stumbled down the second hill and fell among the thick ferns. Mud slicked across his legs and side, cold and slimy. “Ayee,” he cursed and hurried to right himself. "before" repetition.

“I will have to wash.” He looked up at the sky and knew the morning sun stood too high. the sun stands? Tiir would not be there now, unless she waited. “Please, wait for me,” he gasped out as he started to run. His bare feet sunk into the moist earth with each slap they made against it. unecessary wordage. By the time he reached the edge of the willow woods, he panted. we know it's willow woods from above.

No vision of white with honey-gold hair stood across the bank. Nainie ran through the hanging branches though they struck at him. He passed from the shadows of the willow woods that sheltered him all his life and stepped into the river. “Tiir!” he cried out. the exclamation point tells us that he cried out.

The water felt cool against his heated skin. Nainie hesitated. He looked down at his soiled body and frowned. ‘She should see me in the ohgeni dye, with my hair combed and wearing my betrothal leathers. She should be my First Wife.’

He treaded carefully. Having experience spearing fish in the waters, he was used to the slick rocks in its bed. The Oikoni Stone in his fist felt as cold as when he’d plucked it from the ashes. When Nainie reached the center of the river, he stopped and contemplated throwing the Eye of God into the water. His father’s announcement felt like a bad omen. Nainie opened his fist and looked down at the shiny stone. A ray of sunlight caught on its glassy surface and made a purple halo surround the small treasure.

Frowning, he frowned above. he sank to his knees and clutched the stone to his chest. Nainie whispered a prayer and dipped below the water’s surface to let the river wash him clean. Time and again, his father warned him not to cross the Geron River. The water’s edge stood as one of his clan’s three boundaries.

Nainie burst from the river’s stomach, his dark skin glistening with moisture. His hair curled in soggy ringlets and he made his way to Tiir’s side of the Geron. He walked across the bank and stopped in the place where they shared their kiss. Nainie searched for her footprints and found the tower of clay shards. He knelt and set the Oikoni Stone atop it, an offering on the shrine to the river woman.

“I should have talked to her,” he said. Nainie looked over his shoulder at the willow woods. His father did not tell him who he chose, but he knew no clanswoman could satisfy him. He gathered his mass of hair and twisted it into a long cord to squeeze out the river water. Nainie knew he should go back. He knew his father would not approve of his choice but he turned and walked along the stone path, away from the Geron River, hoping to find Tiir.

Blueberries hung fat and ripe from the bushes beside the curving path. Nanie did not pause to pick them. He walked faster. He halted at a large mound of stones, wondering what it represented. He reached out to touch the mound, but drew his fingers back at the last moment. It reminded him of burial piles behind the Yamba hill back home.

Nainie walked the rest of the way along the stone path until he stood at the edge of brush and brambles in front of the stone wall that circled Tiir’s clan. He looked up, measuring the height of the structure and doubted a man could climb it. Inside the wall, he heard women singing, chanting a repetitive song and the snap of fabric. does previous sentence sound right to you if you read it aloud? Nainie felt relieved. “She will be with them,” he assured himself and passed through the squared opening in the wall.

What he saw within startled him. semi colon? A main road, covered in stone spanned at least twice the length of his village. On each side of the street stood blocky buildings made of gray-gold stone pieces. Three young boys chased a flock of sheep into an alley, the bleating of the animals echoing along the walls. two ing words...perhaps--> their bleating echoed along the walls. ? Nainie gasped.

He followed the wall, overwhelmed with the size of this clan’s holdings. Again the women’s voices rose up redundant and he chased that sound, his heart racing. Nainie moved in the shadows of the great buildings. He found a series of steps that led to higher ground. The voices came from atop the lower homes, so he held fast to the mottled wall, gripping the lines of clay-like mortar amidst the stones and began his ascent.

The scent of roasting meat wafted down to him and when he looked up, he saw a plume of pale smoke drifting into the sky. The women’s song carried and he knew, when they snapped their fabrics, that he would come across them at the top of the steps.

Nainie emerged into a round, flat courtyard. The singers had yet to notice him and went about their chores, shaking out wide wraps of cotton fabric and folding them into small squares. Nainie left the steps and stood with his back to the cold wall, seeking out Tiir. These women all looked like sisters. Each had fair skin and long, blue-black hair tied back by gold bands. Their ages varied but only by a few years. Most were young women, their small curves just showing beneath their fabric wraps. Nainie sighed. None wore white. The primary color of their garb shone gold in the bright sunlight.

‘I have to find her,’ he thought. Fearing Tiir’s father might not find their match appropriate, Nainie decided not to mention her name. He knew little of her except the one name she mentioned when her water jug fell. “Oden,” he whispered. “I will ask for Oden.”

Nainie took a deep breath, looked down to straighten his loincloth and then moved forth, determined. The women on the outside of the Gathering Place noticed him first. They silenced their voices until, one after another the others followed suit. perhaps read previous sentence and see if it sounds right to you. They huddled toward each other, huddled is all that is necessary. "toward each other" makes it redundant. some still clutching the bundles of colored fabrics. The silence and their wary gazes worried him.

“I’m looking for Oden,” he said, holding his palms out in a manner that, at least to his clan, meant he came with peaceful intent.

The women’s circle gathered tighter until one, a girl with a fresh bruise on her cheek cried out. check out previous sentence and see if you think it reads all right? Like a flock of startled birds, the others followed suit, screaming in terror. They swarmed backward, away from the strange, dark intruder and scrambled up another flight of steps to a higher level. From atop the wall above, they gaped down at Nainie with their wide, black eyes.

“What’s going on?” a deep voice boomed.

Nainie froze in place when a burly man emerged from behind a painted, crimson door. He wore thick sandals on his large feet and a wrap that covered his lower extremities in circlings of red fabric. His bare chest looked too broad atop his short legs and Nainie feared the way the monster of a pale man lurched forward.

Behind him, a young woman darted from the open doorway in a flash of fair skin, her white wrap held against her breasts. Nainie’s gaze shifted to her, but the girl’s silky, black hair streamed over her bare backside and he frowned.

A hand as rough as dead tree bark gripped Nainie’s wrist and he looked up into the face of the grizzled man. His straight, blue-black hair stuck up at the back of his head. His skin smelled like river water. “How dare you come into my holdings!” His other fist rose high and came crashing against Nainie’s temple.

Nanie focused on the man’s bulbous face, I'm looking at my WordWeb here and it says that if something is bulbous shaped it is shaped like a lightbulb...I've heard of men having bulbous noses but not heads....? the crinkled lines between his brows and felt his head throbbing. The world shifted when the angry man let go and Nainie fell backward. The ground came crashing against his backside. He lay there, stunned.

High above, the gathering of servant women catcalled, some in languages Nanie did not know. He turned his head and saw them in a blurred line, glaring down at him. “Oden?” he choked out, trying to remember exactly where he was or why that name seemed important. He did not fall unconscious, though the thought of doing so seemed comforting.

The angry man hovered over Nainie for a time, then vanished. Someone pushed his body to one side and bound his hands at the wrists. Nainie felt rope bite into his ankles, then it moved higher, circling his legs. He remained still, his head pounding. Waves of dizziness swept over him. He closed his eyes when the man dragged him across the stones and did not open them until he heard the slam of a hewn, wooden door.

Nainie lay on his back against a cold stone floor. He squinted at his new surroundings. On all sides, he saw stone walls save the one that held the door. Above him, a thin shaft of light shone down from a slit in the beamed ceiling. “What have I done?” he whispered.

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