poetry/prose contest!!

Kid Sense

When you’re a kid, you learn things by trial and error. You learn things you couldn’t learn any other way. For instance:

If you’re going to tie a Barbie to a fan and turn it on Hi, tie the knot closer to the middle of the fan. Otherwise the string slips off the blade about the 5th go around, and Barbie’s face meets a plaster wall.

Minnows can’t live in 3 inches of water poured into Tupperware and buried in dirt for a makeshift pond, especially on a sunny day in Florida around noon.

There’s a reason people shouldn’t paddle out to alligators on a pool raft with flippers on their hands for paddles

Baseball bat + ant pile = not fun…these two things should never, under any circumstances, meet.

Scooping dog land mines from the backyard with a shovel can be made far more entertaining when a tree is within firing range and you have two kids with just enough imagination to make a contest of it.

If you’re going to roll around on a skateboard while sitting on your knees and pushing with your hands after leaving the pool, remove the hanging towel from around your neck.

A power cord is, in fact, enough to bring a speeding butt-scooter to a sudden stop, but not the rider. That takes a tree, a mailbox or a concrete sidewalk.

There’s a reason you don’t play chicken with mailboxes on a bike; you won’t win.

A 90lb. German Shepard – Rottweiler mix can and will redefine the term babysitting.

If you’re going to pull a 3ft. snake out of a tree by its tail, consider planning ahead what to do when the head comes out.

Barracudas look the way they do so you won’t do something stupid…like grab them by the tail.

Legos are more fun when you don’t follow the directions.

“The Song that Never Ends…” is as annoying as it sounds.

It wasn’t ok to say the word ass…unless you were relating it to how Jesus got to Jerusalem…and even then it was a long shot.

Taping a bottle rocket to a hot wheels car is fun and safe…in theory.

Tying an aluminum balloon to a cat's tail is as much fun as it sounds like it would be

Being pulled behind a tractor on roller-blades is great fun, until your heading down a slope, the tractor is turning, a 3ft. thorny hedge is directly in front of you, and you removed the rubber stopper from your skates so you wouldn’t trip. Cause really, when would you ever need to stop quickly?

Apparently common sense doesn’t develop until well after these childhood “learning” years, but honestly, I think that’s what made being a kid so much fun in the first place.